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The Point of Change …

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Not everyone will understand your decisions in life, and someone trying to change you is trying to convince others that what you have to say is not coming from you, why they try to change you into another person, to make you seem like you think you are something you are not “hot.” So the basis for insult, is a showing of disrespect of a person like they don’t understand the experiences of others, and that’s how they try to mold you by anothers hurt and do not recognize your own pains in life, and that’s someone who is reading, and thinks that you have guilt or insensitivity, and the later cause for distance means that your not for sex anymore, not for friendship, and not for work anymore, and that’s when there is something noticeably wrong with you that another is not okay with, when you have failed, or look stupid or dumb, that’s to make you look like you don’t respect anothers journey in life, never in my life have I never respected a man or a woman in my life, or having met online, never have I fought with anyone or criticized them, and if the joke is “disbelief,” or by a book that I have purchased, that means that you don’t see me a special or someone who was insecure or not strong and and later found strength through writing. Reading is for everyone so Im not sure what anyone is trying to prove like I cant share a space with anyone that I have created for myself, that’s not what wellness is about your ability to be cool or for others to be cool with you, and that’s why mental illness is caused and rejection is so others feel better, to treat you like you are not who you say you are, and that’s why they try to make you look fat, ugly, or unprofessional, its all about them feeling good and once you start to generalize your feelings about a specific sex in life, that’s when you get turned on, they expect you to be cool then they are not cool with you, because they think that you have ill feelings toward yourself or others, and that’s why women are played, made fun of, or rejected on the basis of their mental health and that’s a sad fact about life, for everyone to be watching with enthusiasm and expecting a dumber or less intelligent version of myself, Im not a world peace joke, and if there are decisions made to protect countries from harm, it will be from disillusionment, I was the only one who responded after the first fire, I did my best, so if someone reads my resume and then everything becomes too much for them, that’s because things are not working out while under the care of someone who is empowered by knowing me, but does not feel the benefit, and you cannot expect for every relationship to feel like a million bucks, and that amount of hope is not lost, not by attitude, and needs no pretending or convincing. We all get hurt when things don’t work out, so whats not the solution is fighting with me, to get me to be upset and to not allow me to figure out life for myself, I don’t leave anyone behind, if Im not feeling well that means that I am alone, in recovery since November, not thinking about anyone past, not in love, not not moving forward that means sedentary on bed rest and maybe that’s a fact about life that you have yet to learn what stress feels like, how important it is to stay level headed, what peace is about, or honesty, there will always be people who will try to make you look like your unintelligent, or a movie greed joke, or push you when you are not ready by what will make them feel good. Im not an offender, I was respectful of everyones sexuality, and everyones insecurities, so if Im not having sex anymore, that’s because my life is serious, and if there is an opportunity to get to know me in an intimate way, please don’t make fun of me to serve some Trump Support loss joke, Ive never represented anyone poorly in my entire life including myself and I accept that people don’t want to be around me or reject me from establishments, I need meds, I don’t need sex, I will not hook up for the rest of my life, then be attacked for sport, or treated as mentally ill, if that’s what makes you feel good, to subject me to criticisms and rejection, then that hurts the professional work force who could have used me to work for them, not watch me get hurt sexually to see what I feel like with a bad life, I recognize war, I recognize eating disorder, I recognize losses, and I recognize suicide, and I recognize recession and difficulty getting jobs, if I get a job that’s because I stayed home for 10 years and did my best to live a good life, a quiet life, and keep to myself, whether that’s for your amusement, Im not a club, and when I decide to come forward, its not about talking about people, its talking about how mental health issues were overcome, so please stop making things about people feelings, I am just as scared intimidated and beaten up as anyone who is misunderstood in life, and I don’t deserve to be treated as stupid or embarrassed and pushed to suicide, I live life without regrets, there are other people to love, other people to make families with, other people to have sex with, and other peple to hire, and if Im not that I can stay home. -If you don’t recognize that I am helping others through my stability, don’t make fun of me or my family like they think like me or should be subjected to the same type of recidivism taunt and ridicule that doesn’t need to be demonstrated by illustrating that I have mental health issues, don’t treat me as gay, don’t treat me as offender, don’t use me for love, don’t hurt me like Im not nice, to injure my likelihood of hire, don’t hurt my confidence, don’t hurt my relationships with medical care, don’t convince others Im schizophrenic, don’t send me voices and treat me like a CIA dumpster music joke, don’t make fun of me calling 911, don’t make fun of my indecision, and don’t hurt me like I was not normal or without hospitalizations at the time of dating its clear I have been hospitalized 10x, that may mean Im not for work, dating, or politics, and that’s where you have me wrong, think that everyone knows me, or everyone loves me, or everyone thinks of me, or anyone is trying to help me, past the point of mental illness, others do not feel safe by you, they do not feel sure about you, and they do not understand you, and that’s the gift of wellness the quiet space that is created for communications to occur, so if you are taking things personally, you are making my mental health about you, I care about all my readers, Im honest with all my readers, I am not sexual with any of my readers, I am not dirty, I am not having sex with anyone or myself, and if you keep projecting an issue at me as pervert, I will not like, love, call, try to love or be known to be respected or be loved for the rest of my life, and that’s what is done to you, when you stop doing well convinced that there is something wrong with you, because you did not wait, so you are made to wait for doctors appointments, don’t hurt me like I didn’t suck dick on my own balcony, and waited, or didn’t suck dick by a cemetery, that’s not okay to reject me and feel strong by someone in my life, think you are them then do something to me to communicate to me through medical records taken, and refused care or treated as someone who does not have ADD ADHD in the slow reading group in elementary school. So what is being teamed up on about, because I sucked three dicks in one year and got syphallis in my body, its okay for Wall Street Journal to address that by skiers on the cover of a newspaper. That’s not me blaming anyone that’s me calling all three parties to tell them I had to get a penicillin shot at the AIDs doctors office because I was covered in spots, and ears gushing. 

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