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What Approvals are for: To Be Loving …

Its not easy to find matches these days, not if your tastes are different than most, I don’t think that everyone is attracted to older men, I think this is something that I have become accustomed to over time, based on who approaches me or who I match up with mentally, whether that’s purposefully or by chance, you don’t really go out into the world looking for a type of person and find them, usually when you are doing well you are in a place where you can meet people who you may come to admire for their strengths, not create a situation that sets others back in terms of their comfort level being able to help others and themselves, we all mature at different stages in life, sometimes by love, being coddled, being loved, through sexual relationships, job experiences, career advancements, education attainment, there is a certain confidence that you get when you feel good about yourself, and depending on who you are will feel more or less confident it really should not be based on who you are around or who with, I think you are only made to appear more selective or picky once you have limitations in life that preclude you from engaging in social flirtations that present risks, we cant all be for temporary satisfaction, and we cant all be well enough for long term companionship, I think the goal with any type of romantic leap of faith, would be to be in a place where you are able to be loving, which to me is flirting, or talking about your dreams and hopes and what you would want in life, whether that’s going to happen or not usually happens with someone you are comfortable with who wants the same things for you in life, even if that cant be with them, are supportive not to hurt your feelings, but someone who loves you is not going to tell you you cant do something or let you know whats wrong with you or whats keeping you from reaching your goals in life if you cant figure that much out for yourself, being in love is not about attracting attentions that’s not what makes people okay with you by who you love or admire or like or want to be with you would think that as a blogger, knowing me that people would be more supportive but I guess I still get the same discomfort and paranoia whenever I like someone and not sure about whether things will last appreciation it for the moment and memorializing the connection which then leads for things to become more difficult to continue not that things in secret are better I think Im not someone to keep things to myself so if it doesn’t help you or them to mention, and nothing is set in stone, then its probably best to leave things open, and also not make decisions, that make that experience getting to know one another, seem like a situation you can replicate elsewhere, if it’s a difficult emotion sit with it and think about it, would be best and stay with who you are comfortable with, sometimes you learn the most about yourself when you are alone, that could be loving someone and not getting to be with them, but being in a safe place where you are able to realize and feel think through those feelings with someone who you do not feel threatened by and cannot be hurt by, getting things wrong, or overdoing things in terms of how you feel about them. The line is crossed from something professional and distant to something loving when you are comfortable with a person and that requires you to loosen up and share things personal about yourself to remind yourself of who you are outside of what it is that you take seriously in life, and in recovery that’s something you definitely are working hard on and don’t have the tome to take chances and not be taken seriously in life, you make mistakes mostly when you are feeling good and think that there is something there more when there isn’t, and that could be because you are not easy to talk to, you are not in a place or a person who is worth speaking to quite yet have either not said something right, or for there to be a problem with you that makes it difficult to trust whether you are fully on board with what is expected of you, which is that in a new relationship for you not to have problems with others that’s when people are happy for you, that’s when men come around, when you are doing well, you might not know how they know whether you are doing well or not, but when a man thinks of you and reaches out to contact you that means something, it shows that he is at peace with you and that he doesn’t feel like you have to prove yourself to him, and is accepting of you, no matter how intense or difficult things are for you personally, legally, financially, or socially, it means that your problems don’t bother him he doesn’t feel affected by what you are going through is in a different place than you, and similarly doesn’t feel like your past or what you have gone through will affect them, at least as far as what they have come to know and learn about you, on their own, I guess this is how blogging helps, it helps to size up the issues on what is not talked about and it saves a lot of heartache in whats upsetting cant be said to not be said with insult or intention to see whether you read into things defensive a tell tail sign of something negative about you being true, so if your around someone testing you, you shouldn’t even be paying attention or thinking about things in that way, if so, then its probably not a good time to date if you don’t “have your house in order.” So the term “mymollydoll” I know this term probably brought up other concepts such as “molestation,” which sound like the lettering moll in the name molly in my pen name, which is not a strategy for naming or bringing individuals into my life to say that I am molly or they are molly that’s not what a consensual relationship is about a power play over who is where or knows who are who is above or below or has a greater responsibility for understanding or being understanding speaking to or not speaking to a concept that you either should know or “know better” I think the “know better” phrasing is applied to a professional who does something and in the course of doing something either that they should not be doing, by timing, in level of appropriateness focus wise or by content in the course of performing a function whether critical or essential have either failed to meet their functionality and purpose, `or for there to be a perceived failure that they assume to have occurred in part to a decision making function or malfunction on the part of who they see as in control of a series of functions that if go wrong, creates a leeway for a risk to occur affecting things in a professional way, which is why sex in the workplace is frowned upon, there may be common themes in movies that may even happen for you in real life to test you as a professional or to make you look cheap or unprofessional its usually when you are doing well that you are tested, and its usually when people are not sure about you, that you are left with choices, that if you make the wrong choice that that responsibility or failure if affecting you becomes your responsibility to deal with that if you complain, becomes something that another feels threatened by as not being their responsibility given your age education and work experience assume you to have experience with image reputation court cases law and reporting and the functions of each and ways to look bad, what hurts your case, and what allows you to move freely as a working professional and grow, the more discomfort the more difficult things get, and the harder people are on you in terms of not taking you seriously, the more challenging it is to maintain the energy and stamina to stay on top of things without feeling fogged or blind sighted by personal matters affecting your judgment, so this is how blame is built either toward someone or allows for scrutiny of someone who they don’t deem as good at taking care of self or others, let alone have not witnessed performing in a work function in which they have any managerial roles or responsibilities in which they are taking care of others or guiding others, coaching, or teaching solutions for problems without leaving problems with people, who are not burdened for blame or time wasted in explanation for causes and occurances due to indecision or decisions made public or private which they are not privied to trained in understanding nor should be entitled to taking on a responsibility role condemning anyone who they think is apart of an occurrence and blame things as coming from their indecision making, sometimes what you feel or think is happening is not happening, and there is not pattern who I talk to caliber age or requirement, I think Im nice to all people, but there is a level of trust that is lost based on whether you set your standards high or whether by your standards a risk is deemed to have been presented to those who are watching you with higher standards who don’t approve of how you carry yourself or the risk for you being made to look stupid how that affects them, that’s when you don’t affect people, then suddenly affect people you don’t feel a close personal connection with left with a bad feeling, and that’s not a transfer of emotion, maybe that’s a transfer of interest occurring keeping the problem with the problem solver, and not make people a company to that decision making process of whats going wrong even if those relationships begin to go wrong, that’s clear that whenever things are going wrong, that everything is a reflection maybe not directly of what is wrong, but the person who cannot identify what is wrong is not explained to and is not informed of what is wrong and it can be assumed that who is aloof to what is wrong with others, is assumed to have something wrong with them, if it appears as though someone is not doing well or for reasons they assume to be considered misconduct of some type of wrongdoing to self or others, such as addiction, a pressure for representation can occur in the workplace when you are not well and a workplace is not responsible for micromanaging a pre-existing condition, which is not necessarily the cause for what is happening wrong in their life, but if you are someone who has a condition in which things go wrong for you personally, than easily during a time of need should you not be able to make things better or stop a situation from worsening, will be viewed as a risk not someone who can make a situation better, so that’s when people are cut out from equations that to protect people who cannot afford risks, and also that’s because a person who is deemed not to be able to recognize a risk, cannot be taught how a problem happens if a problem with them is already occurring, that is not something the can be stopped, someone who has issue with you, until proven right, that you have to let go of a persons need to feel themselves heard based upon your reservations or risk to your health not be understanding of your limitations. So what is a loving relationship with an older man, someone who goes out of their way to get to know you help you sometimes wanting to overtime get to know you and if the situation is well for a meeting happens but seldom, its not a spur of the moment impulsive decision that is made you have to be well to be a caretaker or have fun with someone who accepts you like all age groups of men its through non-acceptance that things become difficult either its too much for them or you are too distant for there to be a connection and sometimes things don’t happen, by the good graces of god and that’s okay there can still be love, not everyone has experience with there being a connection you cant identify what for and how to be around people in the event that that mood occurs, and that’s totally okay, its maybe in retrospect something that you just stay confident about and not really get affected in am emotional way over why, consider the age gap, consider the options, consider how old you are, consider where you are in life, your mental health, the status of your relationships pasts, and whats bothering you now, its clear that if there is something past that is not over and done with matured from that becomes a turn off to who accepts you as new into their life, who doesn’t want to be dragged around through your backtracking over issues past or present, that doesn’t make anyone feel good who appreciates you for the work that you do, or for where you are, and is excited for you, so that’s the test that you learn overtime, how to date an older man or crush on them, I did not think that that would happen for me again in life, mostly it s hyper friendship of videoing and trying to be sexy in a funny way, not in a serious lets have sex, Im going to marry, none of that seems possible the less serious you can be taken, and nothing that doesn’t feel good can be made to happen, not love, a relationship, a friendship, or approval of you which was what circle replies were about on messenger, it was after May-September (5 months) of talking trying to get myself out of trouble and demonstrate that I am working on my mental health what I need to get going again and not be punished at home or treated as mentally ill and show that I am doing my best to be happy with where I am let loose and flirted a little, which has nothing to do with what May was like or when Florida happened which I think is the timeline that is being criticized when I have dated how quickly or when it happened and when something bad happened, its ALWAYS before during a good period that I meet people, that’s when the bridge between where you are physically in life, can be reached by another human being who upon talking to you, you are not in the middle of working on something personally or professionally that makes you seem too much or too gone or too pre-occupied that a quieter more at peace or settled person is considered more ideal for flirting and fun, I don’t think the heavy stuff makes for romance, for me it was a earned period in time, in which there was no longer a problem with me or question, so this is not me “molesting” an innocent man who is admired, to make them feel good, its that they have faith, and upon meeting me, become removed from a worry for me, and start thinking about themselves and work that needs to get done to make sure things are right on their end, and that’s professionalism, is a companionship in which motivation occurs, and that’s not by sex, where one person is doing thinghs right, that another can free up time to not worry or be bothered or pause and think about get stuck, and not be able to focus on what they need to get done, and that motivation can be lost to care for you not for their work, and that’s how people move on professionally and stay in jobs, not for ever misstep or interaction personal, get bogged down by people problems in life, people come into your life professionally and they leave not everything is this tight bond of common understanding and support sometimes occurring and easily left out of if you are going through something that you cannot bring yourself to peace to that disturbs the present peace around you, that’s either too intense of the time being, or viewed as someone who is intense and not watching others or being watched or for the purposes of feeling good getting things done and being ignored means that I am not being that way for things to go right for me and bond maybe that’s a perk of working hard I can only now see, but Im glad that everyone is doing well even if I could not stay places and work and do well working for others in a way that things went right for them and for me mentally on meds that I could be able to move further along to be paid, that tired you get is things not working out, so either stay and keep working or slow down and that’s really no ones fault nothing to take personal either your mind is invested in work for the right reasons to get the job done, or if for other reasons, not working out for you is no ones fault, its all about what your goals are in life that usually keeps you in places you are less likely to be harmed or be affected in the event that things go wrong around you and that’s how you become a reliable person no matter how slow you work, what problems you encounter financially, romantically, or legally, the world is a big place, so cut your losses be professional improve and be supported and if things change either you are strong enough one day to make the effort and reach out to others, or you stay the person who is helped and then people move on, and that’s okay to professionally, you learn as you go. 

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