advice, negative judgment

Where to Begin …

There are different kinds of problems to have in life, problems within yourself, problems with other people, problems that others have about you, and problems that you can’t let go of, they can be problems present, past, or ongoing, what matters most is your health. Problems are the kind of thing that are attached to a condition or feeling we feel is urgent, like a time clock is ticking and something needs to get done, that’s how a problem feels, that until it is dealt with can it be overcome. So know what your problems are and go from there. Recently I was thinking about what to do when someone has a problem with you, this can occur in the form of insulting you, or threats, and there’s nothing that really can be done about stopping someone who feels a certain way about you, and expressing that toward you. Ive tried talking to police and detective but it seems like there is nothing that can be done, and that can be very troubling and upsetting at times. That someone can use my identity to attract attentions and create negative attention toward me or my family, and go through my phone. For these reasons I don’t talk to anyone. Why I only talk to government officials. I don’t know why he is allowed to do that, and I don’t know what entitles him to think that he’s authorized to do so, or why anyone would think or feel the need to. You know if you don’t have positive purpose in life to help others, then don’t go out of your way to hurt others. Its like there are on their own urgent system of needing to say something in order to make themselves feel better, and listening sometimes its only to our own expense. With recent events, I’ve begun to consider as of now that someone may have a problem with me, that I am not clear of what the issue is, and that’s frighteningly overwhelming to have to respond to a feeling that is called fear, a heavy weight that gets placed on you to stop you in your tracks expecting you to read what’s on the other side of that wall, we call threat, it’s the ample amount of time that someone has to plan and to put together their own thoughts, and the delayed reaction of yourself as to what those thoughts are about and where they are coming from. Sometimes people are clear in terms of how they voice upset and sometimes they’re not, in a passive aggressive way expect you to read into what their anger or upset is about as though it is being directed towards you. Don’t waste your energy reading into others, and giving them them the satisfaction of your upsets in life, its really none of their business, how you are doing, what you are doing, where you are working, who you are talking to, or who you are dating. Sure life is about sharing our accomplishments with one another, but once you get threatened it makes that quiet enjoyment aspect of life of being happy with others and around others not happen so much, so that’s being threatened, you become more to yourself, and write less often for that matter. -Theres this growing sense of entitlement, where everyone is important, and everyone expects something from you. I think as a blogger I write because I want to, because I enjoy writing, and because it benefits me to write, it makes me feel better, I sound more clear, and Im able to hear myself for a change, and that’s promising when it comes to mental health issues, that it will not all be about whats in your head or what is being said to you, that you still have some control over what it is you are thinking and can change the course and direction of your thoughts just as you would do through writing. So take a deep breath. What Ive noticed in trying to help others, is that immediate sense of stress you get when something needs to be said, or can be said better, that’s just a normal stress that accompanies wanting to say things right, there is usually more relief that gets passed around through reading and writing than there is through thinking and talking, I honestly cant think of a better way to get together on subjects other than to go though this process of blogging and sharing, So try to be patient, when it comes to expecting things from people, expecting answers, and solution to your problems in life, we all have problems in life, and from time to time find difficulty accepting the times, or the actions and words of others may not always make sense to us, or be what we want to hear, but you can only go from where you are, and start there, and sometimes it takes some courage to discuss the upsets, before things get better again. So know that if you are upset not to take that upset out on someone who is not upset because you think that they are oblivious to what is upsetting, we all get upset, its about what you are doing to not allow yourself to get upset and be all bent out of shape, and symptomatic, or accept blame for events or for the feelings of others, simply because they know you, or know of your story. You know that’s not my responsibility to cure what someone does not like about me, I can only be myself. I work 6 hours a day everyday and also have to blog for a magazine, so I don’t really have time for writing on my own blog or work on a book, and also manage the symptoms of schizophrenia which for me are tired, headaches, overwhelmed, frozen, ulcer, and voices. Im always doing my best. I prefer to free write, but I have to shift gears and start earning an income so that I can be independent. Ive been getting a lot of insults lately in private and I don’t really think that I deserve that, Ive been holding my own and keeping my side of the street clean, and contributing my burden of the load of what needs to get done to make people feel that work is being done toward prevention and public safety when it comes to mental health issues, so that no one else has to get schizophrenia or self harm and get suicidal over any of this stuff, that is why I blog, because if I don’t constantly remind myself or what I need to do to stay well, then the work doesn’t get done personally and interpersonally, to make my life better, and hopefully yours too. 

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