This week went by fast, and ended in some turbulence on my behalf and Im sorry for that especially on Instagram I get all caught up in sending a message, and should probably spend more time putting it together, something that I need to work on and typos in messenger, maybe use my phone less. If you’ve left your moment of reflection and moving again ready to tackle your days, and get done what needs to get done, congratulations, not in a facetious way, if this is a period of grief you have managed to overcome the most difficult parts of it mainly the confusion, and reflection, and recently read “anger” stages of upset following a loss or series of losses, the point of staying well, is to help others, not just yourself, I think I have tried to talk about previously, it doesn’t mean youre being cold if youre short with people, time is limited, or busy working on something else unrelated to what theyre talking about, we all care, again not being facetious, in terms of a popular slogan “Obamacare” which made for a great analogy when it came to talking about any care that we receive and select, “if you like your plan you can keep your plan,” I used to relate that statement to friendships, meaning we are not insured to keep friends in life, only if we are lucky, and have built some meaningful bonds, that have not been destroyed by something we have said or done, to make that rapport obsolete, or if it brings up a subject not to be visited again. At age 36, everyone is nice, and for whatever reasons that you remain separate, use that time to figure yourself out, and get strong again, Im sure everyone else is working on themselves and trying to put a life together for themselves, and friends with who is around to support them, you could be included in that, had you not faced any issues in life, that you wished to keep separate from them, like trauma or mental health issues, hospitalizations, weird thoughts, or interests, some things you don’t talk about, Im sure if its something weird I thought we have a show for it by now, theres more channels and programs, podcasts, and studying subjects of our choice is encouraged and supported, you are what you read, and if its what interests you, then start with what makes sense to you, change is never easy, to learn a new subject, sometimes what is right will not make sense in the immediate, or sound crystal clear. Not especially if you have a different understanding of what “mental health issues are,” for example, something I could not wrap my head around was why not to blog online, if I improved, and if it made me feel better to talk to others, why would people not in my life discourage it, and why would people in my life think that it was the source of my mental health issues “voices,” or bullying. I think blogging was okay up until the point that I got harassed and threatened and exposed, that’s when it became no longer okay to blog, because it appeared as though I was one way online and another way in private which I was not, I was always exploring topics of interest related to how to blog, how to build a website, learn tech, attend classes, take courses, goal setting, coming from IOP goal setting was strongly encouraged to make progress so that is what I had learned and practiced, it was never about doing a lot of busy work or doing a lot of tasks with no functional purpose to stay well or get sick, I would never overload myself, or overpromote myself in a way that I could not handle physically and mentally, usually what you can handle is what is within your control, at least that goes for blogging, how connections work upon viewing something, is about what comes next, or anticipating what has been said or is going to be said, and that’s how you know you are connected to a writing, you can find what you are looking for, you recall and remember what does not make sense, and you either are able to pick up from what you were not clear on, not provided with solution for what you had read, or it leads to something off topic which can be upsetting if its not clearly stated or stated to, which is not something I do when I write, leave room for inference, or assumption of beliefs held by anyone for that matter. I don’t study people or what is wrong with people, I focus on myself and what is wrong with me, and what I can do to have fewer symptoms of schizophrenia “voices” and also not to be bullied by others for who I am, or who I am not.
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