Writing is a Gift …

If you have ever taken the time to explore a skill that you want to improve upon, and finally get comfortable doing something that you enjoy doing, you eventually learn a lot about yourself, and also get a first hand window into what others may go through in trying to gather their thoughts and express themselves. For most of my worries I wish I had reminders and checklists but I don’t, these are things you think about after retracing your steps whats important and what matters. In life there are no guidelines, I have always done my best to express my boundaries, by stating in advance what Im willing to take responsibility for in discussion and also expressing the challenge of what is outside of my scope and not memorized therefore difficult for me to think about and to comprehend without the training or wording to be able to assemble a solution right away. Writing is the one way in which you can help others, without wasting their time, it’s the one way you can put the work into the assembling something that they can compartmentalize, highlight, and memorize all on their own what they think is essential or important. Im not provocative, so to assume that Im not liked because I get voices, would be blaming me for other peoples unhappiness, and that’s not something Im willing to take responsibility for peoples reactions to others, not reacting to me. Although it may have been something shared by me just because it relates or sound like it relates by applying it to what you know now after an incident, doesn’t mean that Im responsible for its happening based upon something Ive said, which I think is the issue with viewing writing as guilt. When there is guilt there is pain, you will feel stupid, and you will not feel like talking to anyone and you will not be able to help others, and you will be arrested, and you will go to jail, that’s being on no ones team in life, and for you to be viewed as not apart of the regular struggle and judged as having too much energy or not contributing thoughtfully to the temperament of everyone else around you. So in the event that you are not strong you will not be of benefit to others, and that’s why they blame people who are guilty for when they don’t feel good, or when they feel bad, as though it is something they have done, and this is a mistake in thinking that if you don’t feel good that it was caused by someone who doesn’t feel good, or blame people who do feel good as though they are making the wrong people feel good, and because the wrong people feel good, this is what is missing in the good people why the good people don’t feel good, and I assure you that life does not work that way. It’s hard to get through to me because Im under pressure and sometimes I like things that way, no one can hurt me, and everyone waiting for me to say something to confirm a belief, or to enable them to attack my credibility or blame me for something that they are thinking. There is no such thing as an American Spirit or an American Sweetheart, you are sweet when you are loved, you are smart when your head is clear, you are good when you mean well and are being kind to everyone and considerate and compassionate, and you are in the Spirit of what is going well, when what comes to mind is not the negative that you can’t seem to let go of, and whether that brings you closer to proving someone wrong, then that’s a force to be reckoned with and something that I will have to face and overcome on my own, by my own doing, shares, photos, and videos feel that its not good enough when its my best work and the best that Im capable of at the moment. I never look $hitty or disheveled on purpose, Im 36, so accept that I will not always be picture perfect with no work done, that’s pure health, rest, sleep, and meds, and staying balanced mentally that’s what makes your face sharp, when your head is clear and you are at rest inside, but awake, it’s a tricky balanced but being fresh faced is cool when you figure it out. So writing is a gift, its what I do to make things okay and to make things alright and recently upon review I can acknowledge that when I was only thinking of one person and not thinking of all, or when Im only thinking in defense of one issue, and not thinking about everything that is going well, that priorities and updates can get lost in the mix, but I never write anything that I don’t mean or is not grounded in some experience in reality truthful and honest that is the basis for my judgement or decision making, or boundary, that’s just how I am, Im not superstitious, I just keep track of everything, that’s because of who my Grandpa was a Lieutenant in WW2, he had a loft in their Brentwood Condo, and it was all organized in piles, receipts everything, he was an accountant. Whoever your first heroes were in life, often times it will be seeing something that amazes you and before youre grown, think that is the way to be when I grow up, so that’s just how I was, Im not sure how things are now, role model wise, Ive always been hard on myself, and have admired and supported others, Im not competitive. So Im saying this because if I show something on my Instagram or revisit something its because its important as to what is coming up for others recalling as though its related to what they judge the “criminal” to be thinking, I don’t tip people off, I have heard of all the stalking cases, and famous issues, of being watched and issues with Star Maps, Im well aware of the energy its not that you don’t like me its an energy thing, of more people knowing you that you know them, meakes me physically weaker, and when I get that out of my head on schizophrenic meds, I can be me without being scared of what someone else is thinking looking at me, their being does not bother or scare me, and that’s feeling safe and protected, there is also a mental protection that occurs based upon “your assembly” this is what gets you to smart, to a period of rest, or gets you out of worry, when you are beyond or away or afar from an issue, and its not ingrained in you for you to figure out your problem or something you need to work on, that’s the benefit of hearing from others, is that its not you, and you can’t relate, and you don’t understand, so that’s to reassure you that there is a potential for you to speak and for you not to make sense to others, and for you not to ring a bell, or be in discussion of relatebale issues that are currently affecting them. There is a certain advanced strategy that exists now where people don’t state the obvious or verbatim what they are thinking, but it will be alluded to if you are chiming into it, that’s a classic example of sex addiction, when you feel the words of others, or when you have concern for your energy and feeling your energy in a room around other people, that’s thinking that there is a secret communication in those words, and that creates discomfort when you are listening for a response you are putting the pressure on who is around you to respond to you, who can feel your energy in a room, why to contribute wisely to the energy around you, including the people in your life, the more autonomy and distance the better the better able you will be to think absent minded fear or retaliation as though you hav things wrong, or got something right and are trying to make someone look bad, no one is that powerful for everyone to look at a person and think that they are stupid on the basis of who is connected to them, that would be silly to automatically make people feel like God with the power to dictate treatment of people on the basis of how they were made to feel by them, or based on what they think of them. In instability that is how you will be judged, no one will understand when you are disorganized and SUPER DISTANT to the issues like 2012, with two jobs in TMS and new Twitter, and no one will understand when youre ONLINE and everything is coded to the word “Wood,” whos fault is that, if there is not an issue on me that is reverberated from my blog that means that its not my issue so its not being painted within my writing, or in my eyes, nothing secret in me, that makes me special or pretty or tough or know it all, that’s not my look, my look is with respect to others, they are in their soul, and I am in my body, and lets keep it that way.

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