addiction, Uncategorized

Personal Update …

Good day yesterday bad day today too much attachment to things and not focused on being present allowing myself to get hurt by how I’m speaking in private then how I speak in public is viewed as either trying hard in a sincere or not sincere way then doing well how does that demonstrate prevention it doesn’t nor does my participation online well or not or active I think it affects the confidence of others either I’m at peace resting working learning something new if you are propelled to focus on things drawn to which only occurs when things stand out to you so either you are focused or lost and I think lost you become drawn to things when you are not clear or focused solid and that’s how you lose your power weaker to test you see whether stronger by people of weaker scared dim or standing out or strong to determine whether within you are going by others if you are your own body and mind in your own body and face and this how the gift of interaction is insulted to accuse people of not being well by eachother or wrongfully accusing a woman of not making a man well because a man not interested feels better by others it’s not the job of a woman who is well to make everyone feel well and it’s not the job of a woman to feel sick to illustrate capacity for love strength or ability or value based on who feels well by understands misunderstands or a bad day on medication, waiting for more meds, and tomorrow start time release (1) not short acting and going to bed at 8pm everyday because working online is too much stress and pressure and too many voices and that has nothing to do with who I am it’s because of my writing it’s become a competitive sport of making me feel bad or proving me wrong like I make others feel bad or look bad or make up complaints one day I will not be on Invega, one day I will feel good, one day I will only be on Prozac, and one day I will be working full time, one day I will get to take a couples photo, one day I will get to go clubbing, one day I will get to see my friends again, and one day I will not be used based on acceptance percentage for anything to be at risk concerning my innocence or personal history shared with care I was never sick always functioning and always picked and never rejected always others tolerant of me interested in knowing me. It’s in talking about life people assume you have a past of not being liked assuming your drives in life are because you don’t feel good to feel good you can’t be driven not feeling good you tire become worse and that’s how who is well can easily identify that they feel good you don’t matter. #mydream #begood #notyourstory #notyourcrime #notthesameasshatyousee and don’t make fun of my philosophy in life being vocal and sharing about what scares me or what I’m cautious of or make fun of how I defend myself or assume I’m together with anyone attacking me or making fun of me or trying to communicate as to me. This is when I belong with no one, this is when I don’t feel good, and this is how you stop bullying voices calling you blasphemous things to link history to your steps in life like you were born with something inside so powerful that anyone did anything for you other than your parents or friends that’s not how life works you do for yourself what you need to do to be you it shouldn’t matter why you live or who you function for and why that’s just illegal psychoanalysis to chastise a woman as overweight or insecure to accuse of not being cute or thinking hot or not to wrongfully accuse a woman of not feeling good by women as a woman or by men to wrongfully accuse of jealousy or competition it’s that no one is warm to you if you are serious and people who are loved are warm to eachother and you learn why you lost your warmth and face because you were not loved and it makes no difference what was wrong with you of going for you in life that anything became an unlimited experiment on you in defense of who felt insulted is educated by you to tell you you are stupid if you don’t know what you’re doing to your face to protect whom? BARACK? He knows this! Elbowed lip, let the man play basketball this is only for fun people with potential and positive outlook can see the future not for lays sideways with a light beam hoping someone will rescue me, no not you, go back to men, I’m not there yet, okay you’re okay, okay we are learning. Reindeer headband on at times, I know me, I support all.

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