advocacy, book

What’s Working …

Before you question the positives and start gaslighting [1] and blaming or drawing negative attentions toward others, focus on your confidence, that’s a gift that no one can take away from you, whether you think another is wrong, whether you think what you’re doing is right, or whether you believe your actions will carry conversations in the right direction, in times like these my diplomatic approach to life and by default innate reaction is to see the good in others and not feel threatened by others, works best. More often times than not I want to know what is wrong rather assume that it’s one specific thing, instance, occurrence, or reaction that is catapulting people into a despair or isolation away from the pack so to speak in life. There is a such thing about being made to feel bad about what’s working for you especially if you are made to not trust or believe that the support or advices you’re given are credible or working for the majority. I don’t think I would be helping if there was lack of success around me in friendships or after breakups, I don’t think I’ve ever been that person in anyones life to have problems or to bring the house down. That’s not me.

Being Good by Good, Not Feeling Bad, Learning to Pause When It’s Bad, Feeling Good by Goods (vs [2] Feeling Good When Bad Things Happen [to Whomever] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/202010/why-we-sometimes-feel-good-when-bad-things-happen-others?amp)

When people are headed in the right direction that means that there is opportunity ahead, makes sense that once a few are doing well we all tend to follow suit and do better ourselves, only those experienced in competition know what it feels like to be in an isolated state of focus when you are not relying on the energy of those around you to build a core of support within to carry you past those physical and emotional hurdles that are part of being human, to be challenged in life, to feel nervous, upset, or defeated, to want better for yourself in life, to be commended for your efforts, and to be credited for what you’ve done well, I’m not one to take away from the successes of others, if anything I support the ability of people to accept themselves as they are, feel better if not be better than me, and to not feel intimidated by my privileges in life, not too disappointed by my setbacks in life.

It’s a good thing to feel removed from problems we know are not our own faults. Don’t feel guilty for being okay, being happy, or able to talk absent minded what’s ongoing in the news or among others. [2] It’s a tough pill to swallow, handling losses due to drugs, alcohol, and giving up on the recovery process, sometimes pain doesn’t end when you stop using or drinking and that’s a tough beginning to anyones story be proud of your Stars and Stripes you got to experience life and survived it for the most part, let’s just not glorify or romanticize how much fun partying, breakups, blackouts, and lost friends are, it’s actually pretty much normal to everyone in my generation to know of someone, I think it only makes the core groups stronger to realize how lucky they are to not have suffered the same by those dynamics in life. Some of us fail completely, and some never make it back to full speed.

It’s hard to hear, and not something I believe, but when I was struggling it felt like others were upset with me assuming I was stuck in some selfish ruin such as addiction, alcoholism, and suicide, and maybe that’s what mental illness looks like, not capable, or not trying, not aware of disability or the hurdles they face in life. -They are three primary sufferings (Ive encountered) that the norm is conditioned to see themselves as better than (the less than crowd not seeing yourself as one among steers you further from overcoming your hurdles in life situated on your own in life). It’s great to not have those problems in life, however the best of anyones story is how they came back from those isolated states of ruin.

Like others, I hope that sharing my story inspires others to get going fixing themselves before breaking completely and leaving it up to others to decide what to do with them. It always feels better having a sense of agency in life and control not reliant on others or afraid of rejections in life like a club you can’t get into in life, the norm, they’re there, you just have to introduce yourself. Get help.

I thought I was special at some point in my life and was able to make others feel special and lifted too, always the close confidant, or defender to the best interests of those I cared for, never assimilating to gossip or seeing people as less than, or combative in the face of conflict, I always went my own way in life, and even if paths were crossed again things were more likely than not to be cordial and friendly, not one side feeling resentful or harmed by how the others carried themselves through up until today. The purpose for sharing photos is to establish what made me special or unique besides my gifts in soccer and writing or demonstrated as a student at CU or in law school, or as team captain or MVP of sports teams growing up. I loved to excel that’s just in my nature raised “to be the best at everything.” That’s just what was instilled into my psyche to see myself as well or capable without highlighting my own deficiencies, standardized tests, or being in the third reading group “slow reading group.”

Today I’m content, I brought up success as being headed in the right direction to describe my journey through law school and Kim Kardashians career as a model and later business mogel, and world renown beauty, body image, and self esteem advocate. Which is what makes what happened to me so upsetting during my time away from sexual intercourse for (2014-2017, 2017-2022). There will always be risks to falling in love, giving your heart to someone, or engaging in intimacies with others, a situation I’m aware of, therefore would not create any close situations of feeling together or not able to speak and forced assimilation to any truths in life to feel absent fear or isolated from others in terms of the majorities viewpoint of a specific person in life. I may not be important yet, but I left college feeling important and having overcome setback in life and proved myself worthy of attending law school, that was something I discovered as a student writing, and often times you’ll figure out your strengths in practicing whatever profession you are inspired to learn and be apart of. I think the “pathetic” or “hard on you” or “resentful” “thinks less of you” is by the terms of your engagement online what purpose it serves whether your cares have been adequately represented or not, I think if I was not doing a good job of representing myself and keeping my audience not disturbed by “Brady” related issues and voting processes, then they would tell me not to contribute online or mention them, so I’m not out here writing testing limits, burning bridges, or paving ways like I have ample immunities in life, I’m subject to just as much torment, scrutiny, pressure, disrespect, or question as anyone else. The only reason Sydney Simpson is mentioned is to illustrate that I already existed just not online in written form, and when respects are lost for you it’s not for me to declare what I’ve done but it will be about what was thought of me so that those things in life were done to me to situate me separate from the unbothered and left to be bothered in life for whatever purpose that serves. I think because Kim Kardashian is so successful that it makes it look unprofessional that it’s mentioned or where the photo was taken and why or who’s idea what that but to me seems relevant now to share not some secret for anyone to go by to judge me more or less as having anything to do with another shooters motivations in life or why any ideas later were integrated to mention or allude to me, or think that can be done for solution when thinking of things as a whole, and it can also be done for solution, to create sources for blame to misdirect negative attention toward for questioning and responses thought to lead to a better outlook moving forward, sometimes just pointing out people does not make things better, the solution lies in the progress and output and overall health of everyone not by eliminating people from consideration in life for jobs, romance, medical help, or medications, say shes “schizophrenic” and leave me on meds. That’s not fair either.

Please Note: I do feel a kinship to the Kardashians because I used to watch their show in law school (not to mention their Mom “Kris” attended my volleyball birthday party, my babysitter “Monique” her Mom made the birthday cake with icing flowers handmade by her). So despite the hesitancies of others, a fan … I used to record episodes and watch after homework, so I obviously care in the event that their lives would ever be subjected to the amount of trivial details that my life is made to be minimized by as not representing good character or view my choices, schooling, likes, who I’m attracted to, education, masters degree, as having to do with any guilts or wrongdoing on my behalf, I think I’m genuine, I’m not sexual, I have dated, sometimes I don’t photograph well, my face looks defined and thin only with proper diet and exercise otherwise flattens out, not by my experience as normal to my face and body ever, I’m on meds that cause dysmorphia. I know who I am and what I like and only like who is nice to me or who I feel comfortable with talking, I get along with most people, I’m not picky I get picked, I don’t approach others, I’m not aggressive, I overdisclose, I don’t keep or create secrets or live a life I private or public that I’m not proud of or what hasn’t made me more comfortable and confident in the long run and recognize my beauty within and on the outside after experiencing changes physically I was not happy with weight gain, obesity, depression, sedentary, suicidal, without friends, not daring, not proud of myself. Not able to get jobs, and intimidated and scared by others, that is no longer the case, in the past I would feel ruined, or frustrated, or powerless, or worse yet feel like I was being made to be combative or defensive or assertive or obnoxious or pressing I don’t think I have any issues pressing that need to be pressing to anyone else I think I’m misunderstood in that way, I would like to think that if there’s an issue it’s in my own hands will be taken care of by me and will not affect anyone like any issue, reputation, career, marriage potential, recovery, punishment, outcome, I think if I were not a thinking person or gone by aggressiveness by others, I wouldn’t be able to work, live where I live. Or be able to write.

Responding to a Crisis:

(1) Explain everything as you go.

(2) Keep an accurate timeline.

(3) Be in action the moment of discomfort.

(4) Constantly review your work.

(5) Stay organized, effort makes a difference.

(6) Know your credentials.

(7) Be comfortable talking to others.

(8) Observant or Assertive, stay awake.

(9) Pace yourself, work as you feel fit.

(10) Things will only feel good once the crisis is back in your hands not in their hands.

(11) Be giving, be prepared, be professional.

(12) Continue your training, don’t give up.

What does it mean to pave way for?

Know that you’re not alone in your dilemma and while there may be other popular support systems for other groups in society unfortunately there is not one for the creative types, trying to connect with their audience and heal the struggle so to speak, in terms of what’s making one feel defeated or unhappy with results and how would one want to feel more urgency and control over what’s causing gun violence, for example. It’s not what’s going well for others I can assure you that. And it should also not be the dilemma to include disability or mental health as a forecast of what’s to come by any Marilyn Manson song, once prosecuted, once found to be the impetus for shooting a school in the first place. Which makes me hesitant as diagnosed schizophrenic (2020) all of a sudden where does that leave me and my insights or what I care about, judged more negatively as unhelpful not helpful.

If you’re trying to be different from something that is not working then that means that you are looking for solution. If you are looking for solution you should be focusing on what you are doing and thinking not what others are doing and thinking if you want positive changes to occur to your own feelings and outlook.

I left jobs and education institutions still a professional, online that changes, you are compared to everyone and feel like you seem not qualified or not good enough to help others not exact enough or prepared with the same resources a professional would be able to assist you with diagnosis a outlines for problem solving or identifying feelings and emotions. What’s good or bad about you and fix it?

When more is known about you in life hopefully that doesn’t change your odds or chances for acceptances in life I think my experience being online shows how you can feel more apart of, less worried, more stable, less fearful, and more capable of working through a problem on your own in public than on your own in private. I’ve participated in many group therapy formats, I’m sure the listening part is covered through likes and participation on social media checking on how other content creators are doing, I’ve been sharing since the only quotes cards were on Google and ran out sharing them! So I do really care … I have grown, I was trying to be professional, my goal was to make a course one day, create outlines, get more credentials, and help others to start blogs and know what links to try to get started, I felt like that was the most difficult part of assembling a blog was to figure out what’s needed and why and what will function for traffic or likes and how to generate traffic that’s not secret and many years later earned my public likes I’m proud of and would not disappoint that’s HUGE coming from where I’m coming from to get any acknowledgment be viewed as a credible writer or author who demonstrates accuracy not numbers to get like, means people are already okay with me to read and follow if it didn’t appear and feel genuine reading if I mapped out psychosis or suicide and hit my head that doesn’t show how I got out of situations that made me feel that way, I guess it’s everyone’s goal to respond more maturely, you can’t always protect yourself from people who smash you around and to the ground like you don’t deserve to write or be known, work, date, get married, or have friends… that’s what rights I earned back by being successful and this was the only way I could achieve that comfort and peace again among others. Is to write, seems like everything’s okay after you write, difficult if there are no inputs coming from you in response.

There were photographers the other day photo all the balconies including my own, I thought that was odd, the office said that maybe it was a vendor or contractor surveying the building. -And the trash in front of my building, I learned today in a phone call I needed to make for work that vandalism was brought up, it was mentioned as fraud, online the definition is “action involving deliberate destruction of or damage to public or private property.” [3] I generally report all things to 911 or message #toddspitzer who I am comfortable talking to and disclosing details to, someone who I think would value my opinion or facts and not misuse information to hurt me or anyone or punish me for what I’ve experienced in life or how I felt at the time or afterward. In this case, I talked to a police officer parked outside of my work on the same street and inquired about the recent incident of gun violence by work, and wanted to know the motivations for the incident and introduced my blog and identity and where I work, and also called 911 to state my purpose for working, what’s going well for me, my limitations, and had a positive conversation that ended upon the operator being busy needing to attend another task, which is a good sign.

What I wrote to Governor Abbot recently:

Stress I feel like we are all the same like me with voices.


Week 1 shock calm down get center
Week 2 centered start moving active
Week 3 work on providing solution
Week 4 be consistent day by day
Week 5 reassuring supportive
Week 6 maintain clarity & wellness
Week 7 help those still struggling
Week 8 expect hurdles weather them

Week 9 keep in contact preserve clarity
Week 10 assume leadership positions
Week 11 keep clarifying listing terms
Week 12 undo harms by thoughts
Week 13 replace harms new thoughts

IG Message: I was thinking of writing a post. When coming out stress disillusionment they should pay attention to who’s out of it. Have starting point how sharing helps it eliminates doubts or gives direction I think people have problems prioritizing based on where they are too hard on eachother compared to those with less resources.

Reference:

[1] https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/7_signs_of_gaslighting/

[2] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/valley-girl-brain/202010/why-we-sometimes-feel-good-when-bad-things-happen-others?amp

[3] Google; and https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/vandalism

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https://muckrack.com/leslie-fischman

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