activism, blogging, news

Say No More … Remember When

Say no more … remember the days when we used to fret over the smallest details, blaming one another, in defense hurting one another, without remorse, that combative atmosphere creatively seems to have dwindled and waned over time, and I’d like to think it’s because we grew and are much bigger within, not the innocent bystanders we once were. That’s having agency in life. It means that no matter what turmoil one faces, there are others to lean on in the process, and that’s what blogging is for, it’s to talk about lesser matters, that maybe science wouldn’t be so confident sharing about, it’s who we are now, not just some diagnosis. 

One of the benefits of being more confident in your vision, and how you reflect on life, spending less time on matters that used to drive us nuts inside and feel powerless to, now feel a sense of belonging that it is just not us that feels that way, and also that it’s okay to talk about those feelings without sounding crazy, the benefits of normalizing mental health issues. In the wise words of, “With confidence, you can approach any goal without hesitation, tackle any problem, and pursue goals and dreams with fervor.” [1]

I remember a few days ago I was symptomatic, hearing voices, and driving back and forth the Orange County to sit outside my pen pals office (#toddspitzer), until the voices went away. Whatever that is, or whoever those voices are, it seems that when it comes down to what really matters, those things should matter less, if it is something to be brought to the attention of a law enforcement agency, seems like people back off, even the “voices” that you get and bother you or try to knock you off center. 

There will always be distractions in life, it’s all about your focus in life, what will carry you forward. Which is why confidence is so important, with confidence there is less hesitancy, less tension, less stiffness, and we feel more mobile, more able to handle changes, can go with the flow, not easily bothered. Your sense of peace is so important, that you cannot afford to lose your sense of peace to another’s troubles, let alone create a space combative between you and any sides in disagreement to you, or an idea or insight shared. That hurts the ability to speak freely, that hurts the ability for things to get better, that hurts the ability to feel good, and that’s frustrating to all, fighting brings the house down, it doesn’t solve problems, but it makes people quiet, either choosing to engage in matters or step aside. 

Recently I started attending more AA meetings, and back to my home group. I have been going to AA meetings since 2006, I used to go to NA meetings in Boulder, Colorado. So this is something that I have been working on for some time, never a big drinker, but when I did drink, trouble followed, which is why I don’t drink anymore. I was an occasional drinker, I never drank at family dinners, only drank when out with friends, and never drank alone. I was a social drinker, but it made my relationships difficult, led to breakups, and activated the bipolar, which is the delusion, not being at ease, not able to focus well, and affected my grades in law school. I only drank my senior year in college upon 21, because I was not 21 I could not get into the bars in Boulder, so I stayed home, and was sober, and studied 5 hrs a day in the library, I had a 3.8 GPA in Sociology at the end, before trying cocaine, not my idea, a “try it” situation, o well. 

The lesson is, that if you are feeling good, and doing well in life, don’t engage in activities that would put that success at risk of harm, or your confidence. Confidence is the basis for making good decisions in life and staying on track, you’ll need that in times of need, especially if you have mental health issues, you will not have a doctor by your side at all times talking to you, or a therapist or hotline counselor, helping you with basic decisions in life, what to say, what to do each day, how to organize your room, what chores to do, how to journal, a lot of life is about making good choices for yourself, and learning as you grow, find confidence in your abilities in life, and while looking back, be proud of yourself and how far you’ve come. The “more self-confident” you are the more you will “believ[e] in [yourself].” [2]

If I can get through it so can you, the negativity that follows watching the news, or hearing of the success of others, the comparisons, the issues, the imagery, the creativity, the demeanor, the dress, the tone, the output of others, if you’re ever questioning the good health of others you are in the wrong, always be happy for those who are well, and aspire to be well minded and at ease too one day, this doesn’t happen all at once for all of us. Different things will keep you going in life, I’m sure that there have been times where it seemed like defeating me or hurting me was the solution for creating a system for blame (and that’s what hurts and causes me schizophrenia: voices, and physical pain, stiffness, frozen) beyond trivial things for everything a “speakeasy” is for, among the voices I used to get. It seems like when everyone was living their good years, and if I was in action, it wasn’t believed to be toward a positive goal in life blogging, or getting to know others in politics, or while following my dreams and passions in writing, sometimes working on something important creates a pressure, like people who are hard on themselves. I know that when I’m doing well, I feel good like now, but also don’t feel any better if others are struggling, that is also not reassuring, only means that more work needs to be done, whether it directly affects me or not. -It’s your life, and your struggle, be proud. 




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