As life would have it, the minute we’ve lost touch with reality and what there is to be thankful for, we accidently get stuck on a path of intensity over issues, that we would be better off without negotiating within ourselves, how do we wind up in places that overwhelm us, and take us away from the reality of things. If the reality of things are that things are well and people are starting to feel better, and people are having fun in creative mode in acceptance of one another and changes. In what way does a change in mood or outlook, result in an unhappiness that you develop that takes you away from the reality of things. It’s great to be smart and to think hard about life and to see things, analyze problems, get involved, share, and try to help, but at what point do things become too complicated or overwhelming to the extent that you end up in feelings that you can’t turn back from, snap out of, or heal easily from. Who are we to decide in what place we should be in life feeling wise, based on how others feel or how we think others feel or are thinking.

In the end people will think and feel based on what you have written or provided, and if takes feeling bad to correct a feeling of feeling bad, well that’s not something that you can blame others for or expect them to change and make you feel good. Its your job to feel good, and to say things that make other people feel good. Otherwise it becomes this vicious cycle over smarts and hard to comprehend realizations, and each ones limit becomes some kind of signal that prevents people from thinking all together. Fear is one of the catalysts to people feel bad and for people to believe that things are wrong or wrong because of, and it can be hard to be stuck with feelings that others have about you, and feel sick, like you have to correct something sick within you for others to feel better. I think life gets better, prevention is at play, and there is less crime, when you are not trying to fix people to blame people for crime, but when you allow people to be well, and to not be afraid of crime, or justify crime based on people who are well, then crime stops and is prevented, when you are not soliciting for attentions to people or stories or content, to justify the actions of criminals, is not the solution to solving crime, to use peoples lives to explain for the lives of people who live differently, criminally and do wrong.

Things get better when people no longer see you as sick, stop interpreting you as sick, and when the tables cease to turn upon the identifiers of sickness, for the reasons for diagnosing non-existent conditions, and the treating a problem by not allowing a person to think. Its not the thinking that needs to stop, it’s the behavior that needs to stop to prevent people from looking stupid, or from developing patterns of behavior that people don’t like. It will be how you are and what you have to say that determines whether people think you are mentally ill or problematic. They don’t read your blog all they go by is your medical history and what you sound like, and what they think is the problem, but people don’t really know you if they are not listening to what is wrong with you, that’s the problem with medication, you can unnecessarily be treated for a condition that you don’t have psychosis.

To me psychosis would mean that a person is speaking without making sense, is out of touch with reality, or mentally disturbed in a way, that they are not in control of themselves, or disruptive to people around them. What is the necessity for being in control of people you think are not in control. In what ways does thinking and writing make people think that you are out of control, or don’t make sense. What will prove to people that you are on track. Is it by job, dating, functionality, content, success, ability, credentials, look, demeanor, likeability, tone, voice octave, issue, problem, voices, feelings. Ultimately what is it that causes you to feel sick and not believe in yourself?

When you are made to believe that there is a genetic problem with you that you cannot solve, and that your brain needs to stop and you need to stay in bed all day, how does that solve any problems, to prevent a person from living life. In what way is it intended to subject a person to take meds that make them more susceptible to acquiring disease, what are you using a human body for when you designate it as sick, you are saying this person is sick and should inherit the bad from others, and to use this body to process the feelings of others, trade places.

So while I don’t completely understand why I get stuck in bed all day and what made me so sleepy and not motivated or running everyday, I can accept that whatever was corrected was what was corrected in the eyes of the people who sought for whatever there was to correct me. Now with new doctors I have to go by their lens and by what I tell them, and be helped on the basis of what is or is not going well for me, on top of everything I have a blog to manage, which allows for people of all walks of life and people I know or don’t know, or no longer in life privileged to follow me along my journey through recovery from mental health issues, and maybe even medical professionals studying the quality of my writing and my thoughts, that’s something that is not in my control, and that shouldn’t be anything that should intimidate a person from speaking or writing, or be graded medically based on ones ability to stay well in the public light as a writer, and be compared to sick patients who don’t blog and don’t go to law school.

In what way should I deserve to be considered similar, what has gone wrong in my life, to situate me worse off to not allow for me to live a normal life and function, what needs to be controlled about me, and what is considered out of control about someone with mental health issues?

Getting well is not rebellion, not surrendering to treatments and care is not giving up and not being suicidal and not being convinced that you are sick or shouldn’t function or do less in life. This is the problem with accepting help from people, and then people not helping you, and then expecting you to be sick to excuse for a reason for not being helped. I think its none of anyones business what I look like and feel like, and I think anyone who meets you and cannot help you does not deserve to interview you, assess you, or reject you. If they cannot help people based on medication or diagnosis then they shouldn’t even be in the field of psychiatry that’s whats wrong with psychiatry its about your risk. If Im not at risk for getting sick, and if Im not sick and able to talk and working everyday, then I don’t belong in a hospital, because you think Im sick, what you are worried about, is that you cant help me, so to justify it tell me to belong somewhere else.

I don’t belong in a hospital with the mentally ill, because I am put together, I date, Im loving, Im not self-harming, Im not getting voices, Im taking meds as directed, Im not easily insulted, I participate through blogging for film and music and joined IMDBpro, my story is of value and my story is not sick, and I am a person of value in a room full of people, who get better and feel better improve meeting me.

How I treat my condition or problems such as this, when things become too much, when I sound like Im quitting giving up, or hurt by people and cant fix something I take Geodone and anti-anxiety med, to get back to normal, have a sense of humor, and not end up in physical pain, or aggravated states, headaches, to which nothing I can say or write can help me, when the damage has been done and I cant fix it.