Working on being loving with who I love, and refraining from having sex until Im physically strong again, and start treadmill again, and work on overcoming voices and pressure. I think have public discussion of difficult topics is helpful for everyone, so that no death goes unnoticed, and so that people have respect and some sense of pride about when things are going well and for how long, we have been working toward people getting along, and things being pleasant, it’s not anyones job to be reminded of any period in time, or any physical pain or suffering, is not a proper lesson in life, to respect the times as they are now, it would be in everyones best interests to not relive life backwards to make people understand or to in a philosophical way, come to understand right now as similar, I think right now should not be difficult mentally, I think things are more organized and there is more help now, I don’t think that any period in time of less talking or non-discussion of how things are interrelated matters as to anyones survival rates, I think its appropriate to build a website and build a new one, traffic is responsibility and content is alive when you are alive and present and there functioning, that’s how a website is brought to life, by a person who is creating value on a website, and by who is reading, a darkness can appear wherever, Im learning that its by what is taken down or deleted people assume for me to be hurt, Im not punishing anyone when I remove content, its because I think it makes me look bad and not liked, so that’s not what determines what is liked or not, by what I see, I can’t control voices or how I feel, so if something is just written, and if Im feeling sick, I will feel less comfortable being myself and as a result something said well can be taken down, and cannot be replaced by a condition of not feeling well, that’s how value is created to works that are not liked, when better cannot be written, then a previous attempt at discussion is recognized as being of value. So that’s the misunderstanding of what is coming across as strong, or what is one strong by, being well is not a fight or a competition its not driven by a need to succeed which would make other women feel intimidated less proud or quiet to, then if people don’t have good reactions to you, then its not appropriate for you to model or to love, be sexy, or smile. That’s life, you wont know why youre feeling sick, but approvals are necessary to be well. So recently had my first modeling experience, and it was challenging, I had a great experience working 9-5pm, which I made it through the entire day awake and working, without feeling sick, or uncomfortable, with no panic attacks, no misinterpretations, and no difficulty being in front of people, so my fears existing in private don’t exist in public, and my health exists in public around people, but doesn’t exist in private alone. So that was what I learned about being around people, and what being around people and the hospital have in common, its to be off day meds and be around people, is what makes the hospital quiet. So learning how to achieve a sense of quiet alone on my own, staying away from people. It was concerning that one girl collapsed at the end, I mentioned in private why that conversation was deleted, because people were trying to solve the health condition of the women who collapsed, and trying to relate it to my condition viewed as schizophrenic, I didn’t have a problem in public, there was no chaos or strong energy around my body or between people, and nothing strong felt inside of me scared or sick around people, which means that I did not get sick by anyone, and was not sick around anyone, so this does not confirm why I need to go to the hospital I think the legal problems and proper explanation of why I support Brady and in what way by my experiences can I create content to prevent Gun Violence, if I don’t speak directly to the subject as I have been affected then it will not make sense how I am well and able to help, I think saying I belong in a hospital is accusing me of being sick or being a cause for Gun Violence, I think when you put pressure on a woman, and hurt her head, and then expect her to make others feel good, she probably wont feel good by most people, but she may be a good person to witness to know how hard shes trying in life, and that doesn’t offend others would inspire peoples health, that no one had to go through what I went through in life without an attorney and without legal advice. So I think Im doing an excellent job of not being abusive in any private space or on messenger, I don’t think I talk about anything serious in private or in public, it sounds like I have an understanding of what can go wrong or what was thought to go wrong and by what stories or people, I think Im doing a great job.

In terms of pressure, since blogging has become too mentally challenging for me and still getting voices, and have not had enough good days to do book writing and quotes, I have to continue to discuss crime and prevention and what my wellness is for, so that people understand that Im not being obnoxious and that Im being smart, is why we are having the conversation out loud, about how things can be sickly and how overdoses and loss of hope can happen, and for that to not be by any political reasons of the well.

I have two job interviews tomorrow. Of course I still don’t feel well, not since I was well, and whatever is happening in life to make me feel sick, so please excuse that Im in pain or not feeling well, this injury is permanent I cant solve voices Im doing my best, and I also am not giving up in life either and doing my best to live life, and not live a hard life. So hopefully I get a job so that I can earn an income and don’t have to put myself online and be put at risk of harm, my website attacked, or lose privileges in life based on what Im saying or criticism, once things have become too controversial then I cannot write online if what Im saying is too difficult or challenging, then its not appropriate for me to work when Im feeling sick, I deserve to be given solution in life, and allowed to be well, absent having to make these arguments out loud online, what can go wrong is my health if I give up due to voices, what can go right by working is me being allowed to work and learn in a public space and not be subjected to being alone and doing work that’s not valued or is mistaken as difficult or challenging to be blamed for the mental health issues of others, I cant solve the mental health of others, when I am made sick and Im not allowed to be well, and my condition if permanent means that every day will be hard, if I don’t pace myself and say the right things my head will hurt by the end of the day everyday and I will burn out and get sick no matter what job Im working that’s living a hard life, when you are not allowed to be well, that’s why I stopped modeling in private and will try modeling in real life, because I don’t deserve to be hurt by pictures made in private or viewed in public. Are my best not offensive. I also was accepted to a modeling agency, so in the event that I blog, will start working part-time on a daily basis modeling jobs which I need to train for and get well so that I feel good and can photo, otherwise it doesn’t make sense to blog if this is about creating a God or a figure to which others feel good or sick by then Im not for doctoring or using for people to navigate life or determine the health of others, not by my health.