Why my face is deformed (I self harmed the day before visiting the site of a local tragedy my first effort to show up meet who’s been affected and in person video a response and a recorded effort responsibility to prevent not make light of anything big on my blog that seems streamlining words due attention including OJ, Shapiro, Tanya, exes, or Todd, video (myself speaking after head injury wasn’t planned or analyzed or voices brought up) attended a floral decorated table to a bar open after tragedy (driving with a head injury took a long time probably too tired to drive but had enough in me to drive new issue is drinking I think I’ve never questioned what being gone is about or having done anything wrong not normal to restaurants and fine dining acceptable and if it’s a blackout criticize me as doing things I don’t remember then not drinking is viewed as something I did wrong drinking on my 21st birthday is to shock me and discredit a suicide attempt (2009) to something I’ve been confronted about accuse anyone of making me feel bad (if issue is sexuality and I already did a 4th step rehabbed it’s not a not shocking painful subject to disclose or a 1 year rule I stopped dating) I’m not describing others (I know when things will work out when I’m well so please don’t accuse my presence as insulting to victims it’s better I show up and start accepting whether or not I support Brady and not be improving to prove or be someone to credit all music film too is a pain no one wants to suffer or polite public acknowledgments are the happy facts of life I’m not a worse person suddenly off spoken or not positive hurtful) send harm occurred before attendance to a mass shooting because of voices since leaving the hospital would not stop after several days mentally ill in distress and 4 tries in writing to describe how and why hurtful and untrue. Therefore goal is to not convince so long as I dont need privacy its no ones business no visuals are coming from me if Im not doing anything anywhere the problem.

Im not traveling until I have successfully completed overcoming bullying until I fix my head and neck and run for an hour everyday for at least a week, to visit again improved, improve I can help. Otherwise my rule is not fight continue to remember one rule one goal so the objective of voices is to cause me to fight to hurt me to hurt me accuse me hurting myself dont feel good about me, so thats why my second goal is to lose 100 lbs and I no longer care what my face looks like since nothing stop voices pretty or ugly …. its not their right to observe …..abuse my chances healing. or recovering is no ones choice or a beautiful story get life back ended, I have no victims remember all the people who have hurt me over a 10 year period that no one cared and how punished.

One day after you have fougt all your battles in life and recovered be grateful for those moments the occur rarely and you will never notice when that moment occurs of being exactly where you need to be to keep moving forward, but it wont happen if you don’t try or give up. What is giving up, giving up can occur by bullying being convinced by others of who you are or what you have come to mean to society and people as a whole or you could have not reached success on a level of public publications and interviews by professionals, it’s a sad truth that unless it’s a sold packaged idea and coursework made and guaranteed result (if you being the proof subject to bullying sabotage) you wont be recognized as a success story unpaid without money ability to pay rent and buy a home. So the past is not what keeps you from moving forward or delays and mistakes never now or later or any changes in sexuality however created any change personal physical emotional or personality wise, no one make you who you are inside if its not you, and sometimes that’s a test of who you are the joke, one day be your own person, or be used as follower not a leader quiet or alone, is not me ever in life, so standing out is never an outfit or loud quality by money, when Im confident its I can achieve smart get As that makes me happy and working hard to achieve that putting the hours in is worth the effort not a medication a medication doesn’t make you smart, with mental illness you start wherever you are no guarantee you can work full time be paid or speed up or slow down. Theres so much fascination with knowing me as a person, sometimes it feels like I don’t get to be in controi or credited for my finding, it would hurt for anyone to know my biology face and how my body is made other than me earned, and its sad for anyone to think beauty is about being loved or loving another, in life you don’t get choose when you at a place of rest and at peace at ease, its not a guaranteed state of mind bliss, it’s a privilege either you work hard to earn free time or you don’t have free time busy working and resting, life isn’t about enjoying things eating fancy food or needing the best to feel good as a person more reflects empty, being less than what you have looks undeserved, everyone compares themselves by ages and thinks that theres any comparison or more promise, so while I was brief on death and how its affected people I know it’s a good story to share to recognize I know life is short I know to do my best, I know not to stay sick, I don’t stay sick long, Im never grose or not thoughtful dressed face fixed, is not my issue, sensitive to smells, proud proper collected enough outfits for work everyday over the years and proud. In the end … you can lose battles and that can take away from a belief in your success or faith at all, if its better to state there is no explanation for mass shootings, and if caring and making a commitment to care is made, and if fighting is what needs to stop and wasted time on words hurt cant speak sound poor or on drugs low class, that’s not what makes me tough that’s what ruins my life, so if that’s the point, then please do not rely on me to stop mass shootings, and study other material, its my personal responsibility to care that affects no other human human being company victim voice or population I don’t take risk, the only risk created justified is making me sound stupid with disorganized issues and an ugly face, if the purpose to devalue me so I make no money, then that’s their purpose and choice, not my job, not my job to fight, Im deleting my response to street fight forget I analyzed cared and you made fun of what I looked like that night making fun of my trauma being scared calling 911, so don’t accuse me of saying anything about my presence you can be places and make that place positive any human being on earth can do so don’t accuse me of odds gamble weakened taken changed, if you prefer responding to a term 4 days after punching my head suicidal and make fun of my videos at a mass shooting site, then whats wrong is what I look like so that’s not the problem how I sound, and if that’s the goal then accept Im not hot, will set no goals and continue to not change, I don’t get mad, Im not for comparison, and me doing my best is prevention whether I call or report, I don’t have to report anything believe anything, if you don’t appreciate what I know, what I know will never change and never call it anything else or bad mouthing me or accuse me of bullying or a conversation change, if that’s the joke never messaging anyone loving anyone ever again and just blog, continue to accept me as I am not fighting accuse me mass shootings. If you believe Im stupid use big words uncomposed sloppy unprofessional then take it to court and accuse me but stop watching me argue for hours slow down, keep ruining my blog.