It’s now the 12^th day in my personal effort to deal with my own uncertainties, reflect on my life in a way, that I can process whats going wrong for me in why, no matter what has passed, right now is about why am I feeling this way. Sometimes the best way to make the most of 7 months of dedicated forced effort to stay in treatment sometimes a requirement for discharge, is something new for me. In October, unlike August telling my Mom I need to go to the hospital after a great trip in New York newly drinking but same problems upset others, I think doing well gets the most respect when you are present, I made the mistake of being well and healthy around family I haven’t seen since my teen years due to legal problems, nice to reunite with family who I was close with from college and my 20s a bridesmaid I was so lucky that upon drinking, I was attacked from behind and my purse ripped off my shoulder as I pulled away forward didn’t look back see who it was. I don’t understand why if I drink wine that is upsetting angers family, not to forget how long it took to get well or the dangers of alcohol already on meds lucky to appear well, it’s like when theres one dysfunction at a bar with a high school friend, same thing don’t drink but drank invited my ex to the bar snuck a text to, mid argument not to drink, I was sorry to be in my phone, I didn’t get how that’s upsetting, I did a good job being in a trendy NY bar, same kind of person in NY as in a local bar here meet the bouncer before you go in tell them you go this bar back home, grateful to be let in. When you haven’t seen friends in a long time, Im not used to their sense and cares in life she is smart enough to always be my friend first to visit me anytime Im in New York, eclectic my art friend who recommend Otis fashion design summer study, we played soccer together, her parents visited me at my house they drove by to say hi, it’s so special to be well enough to say hello to people who knew you before your life got hectic, that was so nice. I think being new to disability based on how I am, Im sure my friend is sharp enough to worry or sees the phone as a problem, something to get used to being mothered, and not cause a scene and not take another drink. I forget so much as happened its my job to be confident, my mistake to bring up in a bar conversation feeling picky about my new diagnosis not sure about by my recent treatment, and she totally embraced what was difficult for me to accept, put me at ease, made up a short name for it like oh that’s your SC, she was trying to normalize it like a way to help me, so that was a first step in a new insecurity not forget who wasn’t alarmed by it didn’t see me as different or weird. I think a drink was unnecessary and Im sorry I drank if sober already having trouble bringing up an issue personal Im thinking of struggling with, maybe get to feeling good with my current state adjusted to. My friends really care about me I have never been someone who has to be told what to do, controlling, I have no idea what made me feel defeated by it, wanted to get out of the cab and shouted “Free Trump” and sat on the sidewalk was so awkward, and messaged Trump what happened, these are good lessons I learn based on who I am now, totally not worth losing confidence with friends over I didn’t know what it was about, but as a person sober later in life struggling with appearance issues, she is much quicker on an issue she sees to listen, its better that Im told what not to do, learn a lesson from a single woman in New York, not be defeated personally. I was so concerned about our talk about our talk outside, I did what I normally do in NY, I walked in the dark and visited the police station to ask for advice told them what happened, and that Im in court just visiting, to get help with what I can do fix what happened, and they replied she will probably be over it by the morning, And low and behold we texted she checked on me did her job brought me home talked to my Mom, and that was my first lesson out in NY with disability. Lucky I had a friend who told me to just text her, I haven’t had friends in awhile, went through so much alone, but briefly texted is much better to talk to someone who knows you normalizes your life now and brainstorming all the ways accept my new diagnosis.