Written 05-22-24, computer battery died.

There is no winning when  it comes to mental illness, you are either okay, make it survive do everything right, or challenged in life based on meds, recovery, what’s true, what’s insulting, or when if ever you are hurt and how, this is how knowing a person or learning about a person’s family and what life was life, becomes something you’ve done wrong, accuse you of being a disappointment, failing, not focusing on failure, doing your best to figure out how to finish a JD that you got sick between the time you visited court to the time you needed to return, and be overly critical of what should I know about sickness or ending up in a hospital, that isn’t scary or untrue. For some reason, I think life becomes about making fun of your reactions or how loved ones sound when angry, for your upsets or responses to not matter, not be concerned with how self harm happens accuse of me of having experience with getting sick or anyone fighting me, make fun of what happens to me. I think insensitivity occurs when you learn of my story, not consider how volatile and disconnected life is or how traumatic mass shootings are make fun of what is help or how help happens. So let us start at disability being frozen or not knowing what to do. I am aware of how I got played and when if ever my ex was angry at me, and how I didn’t recover did my best, don’t have a solution for getting sick or being screamed at, and clearly making fun of me for giving up isn’t the solution, like arresting me pulling me over or feeling suicidal isn’t doing the right thing or blaming my ex, for his anger toward me true or not. Instead you forget being demanded to drive to Yorba Linda right now questioned about visiting DC, I promise I was not in love with Barack Obama, forget his trauma and shock, or one email 2008, consider us close in a way, that I would ever decide to love anyone, or be given a hard time, putting me heart elsewhere or cheating, in the end the lesson is do your best to be loved, and it hurts when anyones mad at you, and that’s my loss, not anything I ever complained about misrepresented or made to look stupid for, including him visiting at each new apartment, was special how long it took me to get well have a life. Instead you are making fun of my emails and what is sounds like when I travel to DC and trying to figure out who to help, visit SCOTUS, and immediately get to work, without bothering Barack Obama, so please excuse who I contacted, I am no more right or knowledgeable or able than anyone else in that court room, or the cause for any loss, or failed inspiration, please find meaning in the stories of people you feel inspired by, and please never question support or accuse me of being disconnected or questioned, sometimes being known is a helpful way for people to show signs of their support, I think its unfortunate to work so hard to save everything do you best to share your story or drawing or tweet, treat me as in a condition so bad, I am punished and don’t know why, I have never known what being pulled over is for or what I look like should be wrong with me, or ever turn on anyone I loved, if I was hurt and punished those are ways that relationships ended, its not okay to get sick or be touched. Im sorry for my honesty cursing and quickly apologizing needing to speak to the Bailiff, and or that to not happen, and for more cursing to occur, Im sure Im losing, or risking everything sounded in a way that is injuring my ability to be smart, I never said I had any route memorized in life, pretend like if Im able know more, its safe to comprehend that anyone who wants to help occurs over time a commitment, you make the effort to reach out and help meet people, which was really uncomfortable and the only effort I made, minus the drink was the mistake. I was incredibly appreciative for concerts across america, I felt like a meeting at a tech studio was productive a privileged communication Ive never had to share an idea, or who I want to help or how, and at the same time, witness the campaign I just reached out create a new beautiful campaign. Proud.

Im sorry Im going through this feeling sick and need to help myself, Im doing my best, I don’t think the issue is meds, wakefulness, ability or disability, if its not clear how hard Ive worked, and how seriously I take being given a hard time about giving up and needing to rest, and made fun of for my #dearJudge hashtag, Im sure me hurting or getting sick didn’t make it clear how Todd’s doing, so I kind of felt offended by acceptance and criticism, and hurts for me to be read, or to lose an ability to write well, and be made fun of for what anyones reading notices or feedback given. Just became something made worse and worse, I honesty  can’t afford a different life, that anyone expects me to be more mobile, awake to or suddenly smart about in life. Ive been pretty clear about doing my best, voices is a big deal, or being not cool, when you can’t write or think, or text constantly unstable, that’s for me to figure out, and accept everyone who tried to helped, did their best to meet and talk and talk about me, observe me, support me, or make fun of challenges I faced interpersonally, clearly not happy if I don’t sound well, and for my time cared for to suddenly sound like I know what Im doing or know more than who’s helping me taught me about being helped. Ive shared what my options were, and nothing is working out for me so that’s how quickly I get sick, or share about being helped, and lose on the issues of meds or addiction, or drinking alcohol. Im doing my best, I am doing the work and will keep doing the work in case its not clear, in what way voices are hurtful and let everyone know that I take voices seriously, and this lawsuit and what it means and says about my health and ability to be loved, that I have to accept, being treated as not good enough trash, mentally ill, offensive, accuse me of having a history of mental illness or addiction like Im living anywhere improper. Ive done my best, Ive never lied, always took meds, took abilify, [unfinished blog post, my computer battery died].