You know what makes you attractive as a human being, is your attitude in life, and how you carry yourself. I never said that mental health recovery was easy, but I hope that in observing me and all the changes I’ve been through and vocal about, you recognize the importance of achieving some kind of confidence later on, in which you can withstand these hurdles better, get well quicker, and not stay stuck in any feelings bringing you down, including depression. For years I used to fight through sleepiness and feeling unmotivated, after breakups, after job losses, I used to always turn to running as the hobby I wanted to get good at, my Mom was a marathon runner, so it’s always been something I wanted to do in life. I ran a half marathon in Malibu once, on meds too! What also helped was seeing a psychiatrist, I hope that by sharing what meds I take or diagnosis suggested and what treatment was like, you never feel in a rush to get better, or worry too much about how long you will not feel well for, hopefully you all bounce back like I have able to finish law school!

Based on recent dilemma and challenge discussing voices without hurting myself, I’ve come to the conclusion that anger in whatever form its expressed is something that brings you down in life, makes you feel bad afterward, drains you, freezes you in your place, turning into one of those zoned out staring into space people, I am one of them. Don’t lose focus on knowing what a good day feels like and how to achieve better feelings in life, about yourself and about others, don’t give up. I used to have goals to marry, to work, to paralegal, write books, so what’s stopping me. Not feeling good, no medication can work by itself, it’s something you have to also actively do with awareness for how you feel, and how others feel, it’s a constant job we are all working on, being human, being positive.

So what inspires me to write. Being in a place when I feel like I can do something. Part of the problem with disability, and insecurity, lack of confidence, is getting over those hurdles, from not feeling good to feeling good about yourself again. I have to admit that disclosing my experience with voices, makes me feel this $hit, is embarrassing, but had I not suffered, I wouldn’t be able to talk about in a way, that you can fear less, and hopefully not overreact or freak out in case it happens and just talk to your doctor, to get tips on how to develop coping skills, based on that discomfort.

I’ve decided to focus on staying sober, not like I haven’t throughout the majority of my life, beginning after high school when I stopped smoking weed. I didn’t actually drink or go out to the bars until I was 21, Boulder CO was strict on fake IDs, would take them away. For some people it’s not always about having rules you need to follow to stay well, but don’t be afraid to create them for yourself moving forward, once you start learning your patterns and figuring out a way to stay well, and beat the obstacles, that’s being able to help yourself in a way, you don’t let yourself fall apart. When I stopped setting goals, stopped attending meetings, stopped blogging, decided to say things like “Im never talking to anyone for the rest of my life.” Not only did that make me sound nuts, contrary to who I am online a writer with a huge fan base that’s hard to keep track of, but doing my best. That hurt me to give up on things in life, including my recent job as a paralegal, this is when attitude matters. As you improve and whatever you are told to do, or whats expected, sometimes you don’t have a choice, but by taking insult, only makes things worse for you moving forward. So continue to be that person who is receptive, goes with the flow, and skip the defiant defense of yourself and expect to get your way, in fact the more your feelings are hurt, and the more you take things personally, or get paranoid about where others are coming from, and stop seeing people as people, is when your taking it too far, and in fact the quickest way to rejection is being exactly that, not chill, so it’s important to tone it down a notch and be patient with yourself and others. You are given chances in life with support from others, like my career as a blogger and success writing online, attitude means not to be that person who is too demanding, or comes across as too strong, or too sensitive to not take offense easily to things. I know we all aren’t famous and not everyone is excited to see you and be around you, that also doesn’t mean you have to be that way around others, if you recognize that being proper, dressing nice, and having energy and enthusiasm makes you feel good, then you are that much closer to show that care about how others are feeling too, simple ways to care, without having to try too hard. Being smart is about having that sense of reach from within, that clear drive to get from one place to the next successfully in a way it can be observed with ease, and without turbulence or pressure weighing you down, these are how the most difficult decisions are made, when you are able to keep going and able to arrive to a place that matches your positive intent to be better, make things better, and help others to see and think better. It’s always a challenge to not feel good, even as a blogger, it’s like I can’t get up, I can’t get going, I can’t be anywhere, not feeling good is so disabling, and so hard to overcome, this is why to not let yourself go, and lose you sense of things and take on life, don’t change who you are, show that you can overcome that resistance and that’s how people come to respect you as helpful, think everytime you lose, face a barrier, or can’t get passed something that’s hard to watch, wait for you to get going again, that let’s down a huge group of people trying to make progress and think for themselves too.