For a period in time I was so open about my progress and medical care, in a way, that now I’m vulnerable to getting hurt, and at risk for suffering from voices. The best I can do is improve and sound like myself, it’s not worth discussion and risk sounding bad or looking stupid or unstable, that’s not what being online is for public humiliation or discussion of what mental illness is.

I think getting new treatment and considering a different diagnosis, is deserved, based on having suffered for 3-4 years sedentary on meds, and in whatever way that helped, it’s 2024 and have to pick up from where I am now and just improve.

I’m pretty sure that the danger to my health of voices, or discussion of voices outloud, makes me look bad, causes me suffering, and creates for anger toward me, which Im not willing to put up with at this age 38 after everything I’ve been through.

It’s not worth it to me to get hurt or be online in a way that voices are caused by anyone reading who doesn’t like me, or any negative judgment of who talks to me, considered low class, or disliked. I can’t live life any differently, or suddenly not have a good life, and worked hard.

It’s unfortunate that in order to be considered of value a public a figure, requires so much press announcements and public identification of story and relationships, I figured knowing me would make anyone feel special, having worked very hard on my blogs, which were my job, when I could not get a job.

So today I’ve been busy deleting all arguments and responses to voices on X, and don’t deserve to suffer or sound mentally ill, simply because my new psychiatrist doesn’t think I’m schizophrenic, why should I put up with a word that forces people to look at me weird and think theyre smarter than me, who needs that in this type of world, to be made to feel insecure, or attacked for your success or confidence.

It’s not fair to be changed by diagnosis, or lose opportunity through website to earn an income, or apply for a job and work and earn an income. I’m sure wherever I am now more depressing than Ive been in years, is about flipping out and cursing, which did not prevent voices, and is only making voices worse, and creating for more delusion or creation of anger toward me, which I don’t deserve. I don’t get attacked, bring it upon myself, and I don’t deserve to be pried open for information that I don’t wish to be studied to judge me by and hurt me by, is not worth writing for.