Last week on Friday, I drove to the police station in West LA to talk to the police, to update them on recent dilemmas, and voices, and self-harm. I was in the middle of a crisis, sober, but struggling with voices, and it seemed like no amount of writing could undo the harm that I was suffering, sometimes the best way to free yourself from harm, or any type of bullying, or unreasonable pressure in life, is to get help and talk, and this I think I did well, and was not punished. So I’m thankful that despite the police putting me on a hold, cuffing me to a bench for hitting my head, the voices finally stopped, and got some much needed peace, and had my concerns heard in the privacy of the police’s presence. I don’t think that you are helped, or saved by accident, or capable of being punished for anything done to you, but this was a good first step, to staying out of trouble. When emails, phone calls, and blocking doesn’t help, you ask yourself, how do I get back center, and sometimes doing the right thing, winds up being more hectic than anticipated. I never said that voices was easy to overcome, or not something I have gone to the police for help with when it started, and given advice on what to report or what types of voices should concern their attentions, so that much about life I’m getting right. This time I was interviewed by a medical team and not taken to the hospital, instead I was picked up my car driven home, uncuffed when I asked to leave wait in the lobby. I’ve been detoxing off adderrall for a week now, that was on 6/14/24 at around 1pm, visited the station, and my blood pressure was low today 90/70 something, at my doctors appointment with my internist. I’m lucky that the police asked for numbers to call to speak to people who know me, to help them make decisions for me, and lucky I was not arrested or put in jail, but handcuffs was enough warning of how quickly my life could end had I not stayed sober, or relapsed on anything other than the meds I’m prescribed, it takes just one mistake for your life to just end and get locked up, and I would never subject myself to that kind of life, and have worked so hard to have a better life, work as a paralegal, and get to live life again. So this was a big lesson on losing control of my life, my feelings, the voices in my head, my stability, and suffering in bed for a week, sleeping all day and all night, just like I would in the hospital. Sorry to worry anyone, I just really wasn’t happy with my writing recently, and didn’t know how to handle this kind of pressure or threat from someone online, and am doing my best to get through difficulty in life, without being prosecutorial, or make a big deal of my challenges in life, be anything heavy to hear about for anyone, that I’m slowly realizing on my own, what to not share to anyone about my life. So thank you for accepting my brief Instagram posts, I don’t even remember writing them, and do my best to clean up my blog, and continue editing, not post content that would make me or others sick. I’m doing my best to move forward and share insights and nuanced perspectives in life, that should generally benefit all, but I am not perfect, and the times are very dangerous, controversial, and traumatizing to say the least, so it’s not been easy to blog online, future plan, or goal set which are usually things I’m good at. Going to continue to take a brief break from blogging to work on my physical health (blood pressure heart rate) and work on my fitness (just lost 10 lbs). Take care!

Change Since Last Night: 06/21/24

Decided to start blogging everyday due to negative energy and attitude I felt in the form of chaos preventing me from being able to sleep that tells me to just write instead of requesting for a break based on how everyone’s feeling not get sick on my end stay strong lose 50 lbs work again some day and not take chances getting sick off line or be taken of meds suffer due to voices. Voices can be prevented if you reduce conflict say things right not get faught not look bad or make anyone look bad and do your best to prevent crime by participating online put yourself at risk of harm and just be yourself to help others!