The solution for today since arguing since 5am and sounding like a crazy person rambling on issues to my Mom hard to hear or accept, became clear that my reality now shouldnt be bad based on my previous suffering, everyone did their best, and wish it didn’t take me so long to undergo treatment. It’s clear that what’s not happening for me, is any attempt to write my own lawsuit or sue anyone, I’m pretty sure my right to sue, got taken away the moment that I got sued, and for whatever that means or who that helps, have decided that based on who I love, its them who are supported for loving me, and what I need to work on are building for acceptances of me so that everyone can move forward, not be a painful subject, or let any loss, be forgotten or not something we can fix, not declare is wrong with any system created by anyone of success now, it’s important to remember sources of inspiration, and make sure those who spark inspiration, are not made to suffer by any misuse of the beauty of film, modeling, fitness, heroism, or misuse who is famous for what. In the end my value is based on what work I create and become known for and respected for. It’s in my best interests as known, to avoid the dangers of dislike, or mental illness, or relapse, as this affects a vulnerable population suffering, due to the fetnyl outbreak in street drugs, I don’t think anyones luck should lead them to be at odds to any battle or pill, it’s my goal to be strong and also encourage others to be strong human beings, not get hurt, and make sure what happens to me, doesn’t happen to others, to me that’s being a good role model, when people can keep going. I think the advocacy gets clouded in the event of a loss, how its addressed or expressed, I think trying to help makes you sound unprofessional, and facing issues yourself using your own body to figure out how a loss occurred is also not helpful, to go out, relapse, or affect your output and innocence and intelligence to be of service, I learned the hard way that drinking makes you look bad, affects your writing, causes upsets, causes me to quit writing, is a poor response to voices, and not the solution, so stay sober. I had a good talk all afternoon with social workers who kept me home and helped my Mom and sister make sure that Im safe and finally got to talk about all the scary subjects Im faced with no matter how mentally ill I sound, make tough decisions, and be heard, that takes guts to speak with no memorized preparation, after criticism for outbursts, honesty is the solution, and Im glad that I was not punished, and thankfully my Mom is in better spirits today, compared to how the day started. The solution is getting back to normal, trusting your psychiatrist allow all your colors to show, and all the fights unearthed through you be clear the worst that can happen is that you sound too tough or too strong, but that’s better than sounding stupid, or slow, not coherent talking.