It’s been 10 years since Ive traveled, and barely made it to a trip to New York New Jersey, considering what to do to fulfill a therapy requirement. Looking into a few treatment centers and interviewing, I was not accepted to Passages Malibu Rehabs, but applied. I haven’t been drinking enough and my relapse was not considered “using” to the extent that Rehab would be necessary, Ive been sober only recently drinking. Ive taken about a 37 day break from blogging. The last time I blogged was on May 28, Ive been going through a lot, and have since decided to focus on myself and focus on my health. When things become too controversial politically by race or identity, I have to take a step back, and although it might be fun, to put things together, and at most points beneficial to everyones health, I have to take a break if I keep ending up in the ER, sober, ending up in the ER sober, remember that. So if its not the meds, and not the day meds, and not the blog, and if I don’t drink, and not the alcohol, then I have come to accept that it will always be something, and whether I know what that is or not, I know that Im not a doctor, and therefore not responsible for taking care of everyone if Im being sued and told that Im schizophrenic, I therefore have every right to take a step back and when things become too much for me mentally or physically that’s a good time to take a break from blogging. I can’t say that anything has stayed well for me that’s gone well, as someone who is independent and lives in isolation as sober, not social, and does not go out, going out has been considered taking a risk, but Im 37, so I know no other better time than to go out now, Im not going to wait until Im 40 to start living life, date again, be social, or reconnect with friends, I have waited long enough, this is the best that my health will be in, I just lost 60 lbs, I am doing my best, and I don’t think that I could be doing any better, other than to not get aggravated, frustrated, hurt, or experience difficulty in speaking, and not take risks with my health speaking in private. There is too much hacking these days, that’s its not heart safe to speak in private and to get voices, and run the risk of someone turning on you or using you or manipulating you to cause you a head injury or reaction they think is relevant to any loss, or any experience in life real world, such as in the news or elsewhere, I can only do my best to respond, keep myself safe, and not run the risk of having anyone turn on me, hurt me, be confrontational toward me, or threaten me, this is why I need to get strong, for voices, for reality, for the real world, to work, to date, to be social, and this is why Im losing weight and taking a break from blogging, because my heart hurts, Im going through a lot with this sudden break from Todd Spitzer, and all the pressure that comes with blogging, or being a public figure, not to be mistreated as not good enough or credentialed, and not to be treated as stupid.