TO:                  US SUPREME COURT

FROM:            LESLIE A. FISCHMAN

DATE:            NOVEMBER 15, 2022

SUBJECT:       Re: Laguna Woods and Texas School Shooting in Uvalde

Sometimes we are harmed, we feel hurt, and we feel the need to “rehabilitate our character” “fix” ourselves and do our best to “present ourselves to the world again without disappointment,” either you are “capable of overcoming embarrassment” or you prove whether “its deserved” either your past indicates that you are a “user, liar, and a failure” to convince others you do not work hard or have poor foresight and false false in things working out for you or be treated as a person who has no future or expects others to tell them what is wrong with them fix them, I think fixing yourself is a worthwhile goal to have in life and just as much as failure is heartbreaking so are the accusations on the outside made to appear “alcoholic” with a boyfriend or “taken off all meds” treated as “drug user or abuser” this really makes your prodest moment of your life living your dream to get into law school, appear like you did not value where you were in life, or that you were concerned with how things look or making an esoteric investigatory jab at any Alma Mater, I think when you look stupid and people think that you think you are smart for stupid reasons, either you get hurt feeling good and made to look stupid, or you read into others as hurtful, think more deserving of attention or nurturing in life, I think you will not recognize what you have in life until its gone and that hurts to lose things in life, like respect, or good standing, or whatever affirmations you had before faced with terms to be reinforced by making you fixated on what people have to say toward you, and be treated like you are gone or dont care about people or have said something wrong, wonder about life, but dont talk about others, otherwise you get treated like you should recognize your health or treated as though you get sick and dont recognize the health of others, which makes you an unwanted presence, to be around, not well, I guess thats the standard, unstable and ignored, whatever that fits the definition of it must mean that you are either hurt because you have done something wrong, or you were hurt mistaken as someone who is stupid or unappreciative, how a person with high self worth is made to feel bad about themselves, so that they cannot move forward and have a future so that they suffer and who felt hurt by their failed condition, becomes angry at them, like they intended to change. I think people get hurt and made to look stupid, and I dont think that [typo] that is supposed to actually hurt your feelings, not unless you read into it, and are insecure, or paying too close attention to others as though they are capable of hurting you and making you look stupid, by asking to see your outlines or your notes, feel good about being you, its not necessary to provide proof of intelligence to anyone, it could create the exact opposite reaction, competitiveness, and distance, get you confused to think that you are waiting on them for affirmations, and forget how strong you were disciplined one made to go by how another is feeling toward you, be mistreated as insensitive or hurt, be spiritual but dont get too physically attached to the things that people say, and if you felt hurt, thats not a battle you can win by argument, it will be by getting well that all things are forgotten, otherwise if you keep getting sick then everything will be interpreted in the negative to justify why you are feeling sick, you cant expect anyone to feel sorry for you, just get well again.

This is why I am applying for jobs on Backstage and All Casting, and there is nothing stopping me (I deserve to live this life free of harm, and not live a harder life than its already been battling mental health issues, at some point Im allowed to be normal, I dont think talking about life is helpful once you get hurt, reflect on positives, otherwise if youre not feeling well and not trusted and if others think poorly of you, you can easily rub people the wrong way, who maybe dont intend to hurt you, but are trying to teach you a lesson, as though you are already in a place in life, when you feel like everyone does not like you, I think everyone was doing well, without me struggling or complaining, Im a sensitive person, its not also okay to be hurt by everything I mention regarding diagnosis or treatment, I think that makes me hard to talk to or console, and this fMRI jokes about the finger tapping and all words coming to mind upon a list of words that I rewrote before the exam, to check brain activity, is being misused as information to hurt me, by telling me negative words to treat me as to remember times I was ever made to hurt or feel stupid, like Im supposed to revisit pains and explain for being alone as though my life is painful or sad, and wrongfully make me feel sick, to treat me as though people had better lives without me, and make me appear liek someone who pretends to be more well than they are and who is sick, based upon not handling insult well, to reorder the way in which my story ever happened, to keep hurting me to overreact and then to cause distance toward me, and a failed relationship to see if I get sick or commit suicide to make a point in public in front of others that its me who makes a mistake, or something Ive done wrong, a distance, to say that I killed myself because I did something wrong, or self-harmed because there is something wrong with me, or to explain for anyone being hard on me as deserving because of any incident shared to treat me like I should be scared because I am unwanted or a reject to treat me like I purposefully hurt how others feel, like my odds for getting sick or high, would subject anyone to getting sick by things that hurt my feelings, I would not want anyone to be treated like me, its apinful and deadly pressure to be treated like an offender, reject, or unwanted person carrying disease, and be treated like I want something that someone else has, and convince me that I dont have what they have, to see how I feel when I dont have good feelings to mistreat me as “home wrecker” to say that I dont take care of people well, or carry disease or a reputation that subjects others to facing hardship, I dont make people look stupid, I make people feel better, and if they get stronger, its not for me to know why, but I am also not the offender or the person whos life they have survived to be saved from me as though I subjected them to being hurt, I am always informative, I get help, and Im told Im mentally ill or a liar or a cheat, cheat how? If things are not working out in one place, they will not work out elsewhere, and if you are rejected once, it will occur again and again, because people think that you dont need support, or are not hurt, or not well by whats going on, and be reassured that you cannot be helped elsewhere, that how you know you need to help your own family and friends, by becoming successful, or else you get sick and they get sick knowing you, thats the risk Im faced with being known, I would not be known if I did not figure out how to make steady progress as a blogger on my own. What kept me from blogging and from applying for jobs, were Invega shots, a Psychiatry diagnosis of Schizophrenia, and not losing a job due to inability to continue performing past three shootings, it will be not bragging about how well things are going, and “appear to be hard on myself” to make the bully look sensitive to make me appear insensitive or not comprehensible upset of not feeling well, its either everyone loves you and forgets what they were tripping about, feel like you have done the work to cure their anger, or you have to put in the work until they are no longer offended by you, and the name of the game is that the more you read into things the worse you look, and its not that people look better than you, its whether you feel sick when you get isolated with no support and how you manage to cope in the event that you look bad and people are making it lok like you are sick or inappropriate towards them, can you be normal, or are you the type of person to complain, and make others appear as victim, and make you look like someone who cant fix themseves thats when its too late, when its too late to care, when you dont improve, when you cannot provide solution, and when no one has to accommodate you, thats you dont feel good, and people are not responsible for making you feel good, and thats when they feel entitled to tell you or treat you like you did something wrong, to say that your focus in conversations is a distraction or not ethical and intelligent, be treated like you expose people to stupid to make people look stupid, and thats when people dont want to help you and think you are stupid, and they are defending them, not on your side.

These are things you recognize after a situation like the shooting in Laguna Woods, one in Texas, and one by my work off of Robertson. That’s hitting close to home, I don’t need someone to hold up a sign to confront me or others on the subject of seeking to connect a shooting to me, or to how I promote my work, who it has influenced, and whether anyone has been helped by me. I understand that people are fascinated by crime and the ways that people can get in trouble, or be found guilty or apart of the processes for an anger directed toward any population, Rappers coming up, or film characters past who we loved and admired, who are we as people, to stop using characters as defenses for treatment and overview of characters now, and start focusing on the basics, hitting us right now. In this moment I look bad, I was naked online, respect was lost, I was punished and lost privileges financially, I was forced to work and find a job while at the same time undergoing treatment for schizophrenia which made me sedentary, and I made a choice to go back into the world and not stay in my room a writer, holed up, not through any fire, or any war, it’s always important to show face, and to know what is not because of you, that fervor and energy of things being okay without you, or upon knowing you, and not to reverse the energy thrust upon you in life, to hurt the peace among others that is not something I do in life, Im known for lighting up a room, and the men who have loved me, that’s my nurturing spirit, not trying to gather the masses and change opinion of me or anyone or anyone’s family, we are all human, we all feel the need to live absent pressures, pains, and blames, it is not the fault of who is known, it will always be how things look and sometimes by making things look bad, you allow for people to get hurt by negative opinion. I feel like a website was made to cause me to hurt or to live in fear of getting in trouble, and I stayed disciplined and improved and worked anyways, and this person stopped being hateful toward me, but part of him wants to feel good, be vindicated and feel like he was the victim to my influence in life, I know that I’m a good person, an honest worker, and care deeply for others, and appreciate their fanship and follow, I know how long it takes to be well received, and because I am so disciplined in understanding an audience, even when Im roasted online or wherever, I am still able to get a spot auditioning for a lead role in a film while applying on the Backstage app, that’s how cool I am about things, what Im not cool about is how Schizophrenia is caused to me or for what reasons I become tormented by others until I hit my head, or why that’s deserved, its not. 

Now let’s talk Laguna Woods and Texas and why that was so shocking to occur while I was at work performing for pay through legal writing and research and backing off my blog. 

When you degrade someone and try to hold them responsible reinforces the expression of others treating me as though I hurt them when someone hurt me and they saw me naked. That’s 8 million people in limbo saw that who’s opinions of me I have to favor and improve in spite of the disappointment faced by me or disgust to turn away from me as though I was someone they knew thought fondly of and then felt wronged by that I appeared as someone who thinks she’s got or sexual as directed by a man in private to come on to him then be treated as a woman who is not a keeper or tip pick who is bringing a man down with her. 

This sex tape made by a man in Texas who loves me or wants to talk to me but if I don’t hate me who also exposed himself to me I don’t have a problem with but he has a problem with me. And in his plight to assert his manhood and reputation is taking things out on me so that he is not blamed for hurting me so that his sentiments are heeded in the form of music or film supported to treat me as nemesis or someone disappointing a threat to which others play victim to as though their innocence was taken it was mine that was taken my good name and good image tarnished and I don’t know why this happens to me and what makes others feel good about that they can get away with bullying but if I refuse to open up am bullied like I don’t have light or watching light like I don’t have my own light to make and share with the world. Just as they don’t want me watching likewise it’s become about me separating myself from other people watching who are from my past life who are capable of feeling hurt by me if I talk about them then hurt me as though they are innocent and I’m exposing them I’m not. I keep my reflections and opinions to myself in terms of music and film and should I decide to take a critical or supportive route would make a separate website for that mmdfilmbase. 

I have attached the following posts and reflections following that incident to explain how those incidences were shocking and how to prevent the taking of a code that’s working and work it in a harmful way toward others to make people feel bad for how it is used.

Posts that mention the movie: “Legally Blonde” and how that relates to me as a Law Student. And how that makes me affected as “Law Student” to a shooting occurring in “Laguna” where Nicole Brown Simpson’s family lives, and “Woods” as in Tiger Woods and Elle Woods, and how depending on who I am talking to, could feel affected as roasted by a gun violence attempt at humor. And then blame me as though I fabricated a talking to a DA, to make him look like cheating or to make him look like he was not helping me, and I was not helping him after a shooting in Orange County occurring while I was taken to Rehab/5150 Hold and diagnosed with Schizophrenia for hearing voices and hitting my head, during a time that a Ex Pen Pal decided to turn on me and call me a Pervert, because I was roomed with a girl not by choice who was younger than me. 

1. Control Your Thoughts (10-24-22)
2. My Feelings About Gun Violence (06-01-22)
3. Campaign Concepts (10-09-22)
4. The Sky’s the Limit (06-09-22)
5. Different Anxieties (07-06-22)
6. Issues Aware of Prior and After “Laguna Woods” Shooting (06-04-22)
7. Life Happens (04-17-21)
8. What I’ve Been Up To (10-04-22)
9. Letter to US Supreme Court (11-06/08-22)

Thank you, will continue to write letters until the issues are clear and the subject is approachable, and until everyone feels better, and until I no longer look bad or Todd Spitzer, until it is clear what is being attacked, whos credibility and why, and who or what individuals are being conspired against? And make clear who represents whar, and how people in the middle are affected. And who is being punished based on how criminals make things look treat you as intense, to put down in life. 

Sincerely,

Leslie Fischman