The point at which things become unhelpful is when you are not strong enough to handle criticism or made to be overly sensitive and not only misread but then don’t feel good by others. The point when you feel sick, is when people give up on you, its when you cant be around others, and your head burns, that’s not things mixing well. Just like subjects concerning health, wellness, mental health, suicide, or addiction, it’s whatever the issue is, if you don’t represent it, can cause people to become angry with you, the problem with diagnosing mental illness, its subjects you to angry voices, mean voices, and causes people to be unhappy with you, which in turns causes you to feel sick, who in the end is responsible for sickness to your head, you are ultimately. I think when not feeling well, people assume that your thinking is wrong, or accuse you of having sensations or reactions such as feeling good which is offensive to people who think you are sick, who do not wish for you to feel good, so in the event that you are not wanted or viewed as a bad connection, you are made to feel sick so you do not connect, and this is what builds for reassurance in others that they are well absent you, and you are sick, this is why when sick you could not be feeling well, and no one else can help make you feel well, and no one understands why you are sick or not feeling well. -I get the feeling that a story is wanted about my trip, all I can say is that I did my best, I am stuck with whatever diagnosis I have and whatever legal problems exist or don’t exist and there is nothing that I can do about not feeling good, not sure of when I will be feeling good, and not feeling good talking to anyone, and having difficulty talking to anyone, that’s not feeling good, not feeling good talking, and not feeling good writing. I think Im not feeling good because someone famous has just died, and people are considering my relapse on cocaine or drinking as being of issue, I don’t think I was ever a sponsor or a life coach (but I’ve been sober for years), and the fact that my blog is successful I am whatever the world and the reading world thinks I am, with reasonable expectations, knowing whatever I have gone through personally. What Ive learned is that you cant control upset, so you just have to accept when people are upset by you, controlling of you, and even if you get hurt, understand that they care. The problem with blogging is that you don’t get to enjoy life, you don’t get to be social, you don’t get to date, you don’t get to work, and none of those things happen for you happiness wise, on the basis of either what others think you have done wrong punishing you either for your condition, or punishing you by the conditions of others blaming you, and that’s recovery, treating you as responsible, considering your health as responsible for the health of others, so whether I heard the news or not, clearly drinking was not approved I was not allowed to feel good, could not carry a conversation positive talking about my mental health and how I feel about the diagnosis and therefore not feeling good about the diagnosis is making me not feel good about myself. So while in other moments I inspired and was considered a success online, it seems like a worse and worse condition is occurring, to treat me as guilty, to say that messaging makes me guilty, to accuse my physical and mental health as demonstrating that Im dying, or am sick or suicidal, and mistreat me as guilty, and treat me as not feeling good or writing online mentally ill by something having to do with inappropriateness, and that’s to cause me suicide, by accusing me of being improper, or off speaking or saying things that are improper, this is why to take a 37 day break from blogging, in the end, someone has died, so it doesn’t matter what happened to me, if Im being blamed as someone who anyone does not want to take care of me, then its putting me down and causing me sickness, until no one cares or no one can take care of me, and that’s using a diagnosis, to treat me as sicker than I am, placing me places to say that Im worse than I sound, then cause me to not be able to speak well, and accuse me of not belonging in NY or NJ or LA, so that’s misrepresenting who I was when I was around others, and using voices to treat me as sick to keep me away from others. All I know is that this is something that job cannot solve, lawsuit cannot solve, hospital cannot solve, addiction recovery cannot solve, family cannot solve, and a blog cannot solve, when you dislike me as a person, its until I get sick and sicker, is until I don’t matter, and that’s to characterize me as a weaker person, where in reverse if I am a stronger person, then I get attacked like Im strong and in an unwanted way moving forward into the future that no one wants me to exist in, so that’s the destructive feeling that you get when people don’t like you, you don’t feel like you have permission to do well, and you also cant function and speak to do well either, and that’s disability, doesn’t feel good, doesn’t sound good, got a job but cant work and cant make money, and that’s failure, when its doesn’t matter where you are or who you are, you get sick no matter who you are, not even shopping can solve, so that’s being hurt or being injured on the basis of being mistreated like you enjoy the wrong things in life, and that’s to cause you to want to harm yourself, is when someone thinks that you are well by the wrong things.