Mental health is a confusing subject, I think sometimes on Twitter I get carried away, if Im getting voices, and things don’t turn out quite right, usually defensive, aggravated, and upset, until I can’t speak, and everything is slow, losing color in my face, that’s how hurtful voices are, there really is no solution for it. It is something that’s goes away, and upon mention starts up again, it’s a like theres a recording device in my body, and anytime anyone is upset with me I can hear them, it’s not the most advantageous way to live life, constantly bothered by voices, I think being social out in public is a better use of my time rather than staying home. I was never a drinker, and mostly sober my whole life, except 2006 and 2013, its now 2023 and choosing to drink again within reason, not to get drunk only 1-2 drinks, and wont be traveling anywhere far. I think recently during my break from blogging there have been a few every traumatic losses in the news which are hard to address coming from my shoes, I think it matters less how I feel or what I think. I can only relate as to coming from a family who is now known, through me, and through childhood, what it takes to be at ease and be yourself and be social among people that you know, so far so good, and also out and about around others in bars, so far so good. I just have to be mindful of who approaches me to simply tell them if I have schizophrenia, the bar is not really the place to say much about yourself, I had a bad experience the other night aggravated, started talking, when my head hurt and sounded stupid that was really embarrassing and upsetting. You can’t predict what will happen to you in a bar, you just have to be considerate of everyone else, be present dress nice, be a happy and a pleasant person to see, and I guess now after a few tries going out alone, making some friends, not without drama, so hopefully in the future just decline cocaine that was a mistake. I just want to be around people and want to have friends in life, I think being social is important, no matter how high profile of a story that you come from, things will get better the more well adjusted I am, and the more healthy and positive I am, the more reassuring I am to others, who may or may not recognize me from writing online, not sure how famous I am yet, Im sure things will be more clear with a professionally published book be an author. Its taken some time to re-group, be alone, not date, and figure out what I want to do with my life, its hard to date when you are in between jobs, or not working and writing, you have to have something going for you in life, and with voices, it makes everything difficult, it makes writing difficult, it makes thinking difficult, it makes speaking difficult, its like someone is in your body and talking to you and you can hear them and they cant hear you, it’s a horrible experience in life.

REMINDER: I have never been in a fight in my life, complained, or gotten upset at anyone in my life, suddenly this year compounding stress, returning to dating, things have not been stable, and not working out for me, or by job application, so Im assuming to stick to a system in which I can stay well and be successful such as blogging, all fighting causes me mental illness, and causes bullying voices, and I cant afford to fight with anyone, Im not strong enough for that physically or mentally, and would prefer to not make a big deal over voices, since I performed well for 5 years without flipping out or complaining or blaming anyone, it is something I will have to work on for the rest of my life, and I pray for periods in which I will hear nothing and be at peace, and not disturbed by any complaint toward me. Im a good person, Im supported, pleasant, make friends easily, a good patient, and never give up.