What does not guilty mean? It means at no time have I ever been sick, or ever been sick toward any persons in life, prior to any lawsuit, and it so continues that even in spite of lawsuit, I will continue to not be sick, or be accused of carrying any sickness, difficult for anyone else to comprehend or run counter to anyones need to feel good. What does bullying represent real or imagined, it means that in order for me to get well, it should not matter what others are well by or whats keeping them going, so not blogging since May 28^th was a good solution, for as long as it lasted. What does medical difficulty mean, it means to take it easy be helped, or not be helped, it doesn’t mean anything should get worse or become too difficult to manage on my own, with or without therapy. Therapy is simply stating goals or expressing a difficulty that you can or cannot be helped with. I don’t also see dating as being easy, given what Im going through, so that’s my loss, it also doesn’t mean that my life should become harder or anyone elses life. I may not be in your inner circle, and I may not be getting any help, that doesn’t mean that Im not capable of getting well or unsupported, or facing a mental difficulty that is about me accepting any voices in life, that I can accept, whatever anyones difficulty is in accepting of me, I cannot make anyone like me or accept me or not experience difficulty in thinking of me, love is something that either you are capable of being at peace with another, or the politics of things, war and environmental reasons are keeping a person away from you in life, or able to support you whole heartedly. I don’t think that my support of Todd Spitzer, is like the hate website made of me, nor any rape victims name intended to make fun of my body or a hate website, I think society can do without the low blows in life, that no woman deserves or is asking for or so justified at any later point in time by anyone else man or woman. It’s clear that when a persons sexuality is being used to shun them, lie to them, or scare them, simply means not to date or work and discontinue dating, so that’s my recognition of things being hard or difficult, I also don’t wish to be made an example of someone who is given difficulties in life and made fun of for what I sound like or look like, or be made fun of for how I communicate, that’s no ones business. I hired another attorney because the attorney that was helping me, was not on my side, and taking out her anger on me, and treating me as guilty and threatening me and harassing me, didn’t respect me, and Im politely hired another attorney, that doesn’t mean that at a later point in time we can talk and communicate, so that’s a space that she has to respect whether or not she talks to Todd Spitzer and whether or not they want to make that known while Im in New York, that’s none of my business, so the fact that my peace and health was not respected or going to the ER, means that I cannot communicate with this attorney on the basis that she is not in support of me, is not in support of my health, and thinks that my mental health is a joke, and its not for me to shout about online, if that’s how angry that I got, then make that known what I said, and its not to be forgotten so why try to reach out and talk to me again, maybe you cannot forgive my upsets, but I also don’t have to pretend like I deserve to be hurt by anyone, thinking I hurt Todd, so know what not guilty means, it means at no time did I harass, stalk, follow, anyone not well or sick or for any reasons bother anyone with problems, of my own making, including for therapy or treatment, so the person in common not supported is me, and what is being used to aggravate me is to see how I react or respond if others know eachother, and what that should do to me, I don’t study others and critical of them treat them as outsiders, I don’t need anyone to hurt me and pretend like anything about me is code or not code, or suddenly decide that anything from my life, is a reflection of my life or my story that is exhibited on another. If Im not supported then I don’t need to be known, communicate with anyone, and not be aggravated and tormented as though Im not included or not one among many who are going through a lot. If that’s how a team is made against me, then its none of my business what makes people strong or decide to come into my life, and hurt my life and treat me like I have a bad life, or cannot be trusted, or of value, if anything no one talks to me and Ive never questioned that, so please don’t treat me like Im not going through a lot just lost a boyfriend, and accuse me of being mentally ill or mad at myself, if she decided to rub it in my face who she talks to and I don’t, and I go through a break up, then that’s bullying toward me speaking and not talking to me, and trying to cause me sickness, my medical records are not for your review, you cant help me, you cant explain my life or how I feel, Im 37, I cant afford to be treated as stupid or teamed up on, so please respect that I don’t appreciate being lied to or threatened, Im not stupid I graduated, I don’t appreciate you thinking that Im a public figure or bigger or smaller than I am in real life, accuse me of being uncomfortable or causing discomfort toward anyone, life is a big and beautiful place that these men can pick and choose and love whoever they want please don’t use me as an example of a woman who doesn’t deserve love or keeps going. I don’t have to keep going, I don’t have to argue, I don’t have to talk about voices, I don’t have to be hurt, I don’t have to work with odds against me, I don’t have to be made fun of, eventually whoever is giving me a hard time will give up and focus on the life that they do have, even if it means that I have to start over, and not be helped, those are my losses, that’s my good time, those are my days and efforts talking to others being known and getting along, no life is strong enough to afford looking stupid or fighting, and Im a woman, no matter what you call me, Im not strong enough asa person to handle voices, or the problems of others, just like the problems you accuse me of having and mistreat me and lie to me acting like I have energy, or problems that another cant deal with. So know whether you see me as a victim or not, I have to be strong for myself first and foremost and secondly others.