To me hate is most vocalized in the form of bullying, it’s a tangible broadcasted series of pronunciations about you, that seek to control how others view you. Also known as defamation, when something is stated untrue, to put you at odds with others, and to create a discomfort, to your stability, and provoke a discomfort in the minds and to the senses of others, that’s what’s considered offensive, a composition that is grose to see, witness, and hard to think about, makes you want to turn away, not be drawn to the content, and is shocking to the victim, as well as to anyone who knows me, suddenly affected impacted in the same way the victim is intended to be impacted. So while these may be facts of life that I overcame, and was able to get a job, it doesn’t change the conflict or prevent voices from thinking that the origins of these words existed at any prior time, after becoming pronounced by view of millions of unknown traffic, using my pen name, which I paid thousands of dollars to register, use to attract audience to my key word pen name, take the place of my website that had to be taken down, due to online bullying.

The punishment doesn’t stop after being hurt, and this is clear by the re-occurrence of voices in the form of bullying, addressed on my blog briefly, but now taking the time to continue to write about this experience until a solution is found in public, that the public can accept, that voices can accept, that the internet can accept, until I am no longer hurt by this person’s attitude toward me or hate expressed toward my body sought to devalue me, dehumanize me, damage me, injure me permanently in a way, I have already realized and been medicated diagnosed as schizophrenic, but that’s not the solution to voices prevention.

The goal would be to accept that voices occurring now, require a different solution, that my facts and medical history cannot solve, since I have never suffered from this condition prior to any hospitalization. This is what makes recovery hard, when the more you improve, and the more frequent a previous hater approaches you, is how I get used to forgive his harm to me, but I still get punished for his words connected to my identity, untrue.

So what can explain voices, if not because of my writing or photos, then what justifies hearing ugly terminology thrown at a woman of my age (age 38), and in what way is the harm caused by him minimized, make a big deal forcing addressing my past with vigor to injure me presently, capitalize on diagnosis or voices and terms to continue to cause me harm and suffering, then what is true. I think it’s clear that I’m suffering, no matter what became code or what you think music or film is about or which website its memorializing, I did my best to overcome this dilemma in private, and to suddenly provoke discussion isn’t helping my recovery, from alcohol, self-harm, or rethink the causes for suicide, it’s clear whatever conditions are being changed to highlight film or music is being used to forgive him humanize his outburst while using me to injure me and cause harm to me mentally ill to make fun of what medical issues are or what mental health is, question my recovery and comprehension of mental health and its effects on your ability to succeed and move forward.

I have currently blocked this person, who has been trying to contact me since living in sober living, sending a photo of him shooting a gun at me, and nude photos of himself, then talk to me and apologized several times (reassuring me that he would never do that again to me, and explained that he is human). That’s not the problem whether he is okay now or if I’m not, if we can make clear that visiting the police is about refusing to promote some conspiracy regarding Texas Uvalde, GoDaddy, Aurora, Posters, Photos, Colorado, or California, or Politics that addresses harm in a way that anyone is left for blame including me, or any organization posing as CIA intending to torture me. It’s hard for me to believe that voices are constantly dissatisfied with my production online, it is my best work it isn’t garbage and took a tremendous amount of effort focus and decision making skills. It’s important for me to not be held to repetition of terms “pervert” “sick a$$ pervert” “derelict“ “CIA torture cases” “FBI Reports” “LAPD Reports” or “911 Calls” it’s clear I’m not performing to be watched in private by anyone who doesn’t respect me or doesn’t see anything in me, your future is best planned elsewhere. I’m not the decider or an inaccurate measure of anyone’s success potential, not qualified to be used as a helpful reference in avoidance of mental health issues, not get anyone bogged down in complications and dysfunction, isn’t what is presently being reflected in the current success of musicians and film institutes today. It would be impossible to lie about a success I’ve recorded everything for 10 years and kept track of all my progress, now isn’t suddenly a hidden “pervert” joke. (That’s not the best thinking or strategy toward building for intelligence to make fun of how anyones brain works, plant words or focus that makes everything match up to a creation of that word being specified to impact my writing or mental health, as an expression laced with “perverted innuendos” I’m clear that my modeling and sexuality doesn’t victimize anyone, to my body, face life, or innocence, by 38 if it’s not happening for me and have explored my options, it’s time to focus on other things, especially if I’m called words, simply means to be alone for the rest of my life and work alone, overcome the trauma, and avoid any problems that are possible upon dislike, or disrespect, isn’t a life worth bringing around anyone period, let alone text my audience for how intelligence is created, quesiton their focus on my work product, or test for turn offs in life, it may be a new lingo “ghosting” and a famous movie, but I never thought that my health would be changed to anything so fragile that makes dating impossible of one on one conversation that I can’t fix having a difficult life hard to comprehend, or be offended after two websites and no fights and lawsuits, suddenly accuse me of a mental illness, that suddenly happened visible on me easy to tell or the solution to tell me I’m going to die young and just accept I have an incurable disease. If the lesson is “get over stuff” then it’s about whether or not I’m sick or why, expecting me to explain things in a way no one is offended by or threatened by, handle my emergencies as they come, I can only go by myself and my feelings, and what I’m sensing, it’s sad that with the accompaniment of voices, for there to be any delusion over what’s mental illness or not illness. I think life is decided by how you feel, and if words can’t convince you to stay away or identify my work as sickness, I can’t change that visual delusion of looking at me or reading my work and thinking that, just trust that no support is being used to convince anyone of anything about me, I can’t prove and illustrate in words, that even a complete stranger won’t attack me, see me poorly, or anyone connected to me.

Maybe that makes sense to people who share humor in common, its not my preference to make fun of sex, or allow myself to be made fun of demoralized, and it’s not in my best interests to be sued or mislabeled and called “harassment” makes clear to never date again never talk to anyone for the rest of my life, and to not work or love again, until my life is figured out and voices are prevented. Which will require as much explanation in a public space until voices stop. When voices stop and I regain my health and recovery time, not a voices self-harm suicide joke, then I can focus on setting goals and think about my future.

But I can tell you right now, based on my value and argument, for myself, nothing is getting better, not even detoxing for 6 days, something tells me that voices are people who are harming me calling me offensive and injuring me in teams as though they are victims of me, or see people as victims to me. I’m online, anyone can report anything, speak to anything, and it’s not my job to be online to be liked, approachable, or required to help if I’m harmed means to call the police.

I don’t have a solution for this problem. There is no other woman in the world who is a blogger, who has fallen in love and been sued, and had her resume and her entire life destroyed, based on using terms, not to mention causing a new condition, which voices refuse to accept, my book title or ability to write a book, confuse me for someone who can’t perform or can’t push forward. If I improved and made progress over 10 years and made a name for myself online, then things worked out based on what I was focusing on, I never thought that I would be disconnected from my own work, studied, and bullied, taunted, or use my code to attack me, benefit make money off me, then insult my presence and how my name was derived or concerned about my comprehension of politics, writing, or law.

I don’t have any other explanations left to inspire hate, and if I can’t prevent hate towards me, and if this fan site is why, then you will have to accept I suffer from a new condition that cannot be solved, talking to this person, blocking this person, or talking to the police, to talking to anyone period, including my blog.

It’s not my purpose in life to be criticized to work so hard, and then be accused of being offensive, threatening, or any other word defining “harassment.” As far as I’m concerned since no one cares about voices or schizophrenia, then I’m allowed to write a book, toward finding solution for an incurable disease. And what’s not a joke, is if I die due to voices, having discussed in detail, and if anyone allows that an site to permanently injure me or be used to punish me (I can sue GoDaddy), criticize my connections or decision making, make a big deal about being friends on Facebook with Jonah Hill. Since you don’t recognize the march (in a Macy’s superdry pride outfits on display) and defense of someone (I met at my house in my driveway) is real and meaningful and the best way to interpret how to care for someone I also saw at my AA meeting a couple times, would be to respect that person’s recovery not allow me to suffer or anyone to suffer the same harm he suffered while filming a move “The Wolf of Wallstreet” nor is it okay to call me pervert knowing I email the President of Brady, make fun of my impression, care, strategies, or campaign separate from everyone suddenly decide to allow me to get hurt or convince people I care about that they shouldn’t like me or should be hurt by me based on telling them anything shocking about me private or written, is worth visiting the police for. Please don’t also question the representation and defense of a DA Todd Spitzer (who I told I met Jonah Hill in high school at the bottom of my driveway, then met Todd in his driveway). So please don’t call me changed if I was loved, and don’t complain if I refuse to live life and focusing on my writing and curing voices, it’s a conflict, its affecting my heart condition, it causes me to punch my head, and can ultimately cause suicide.

I don’t deserve to die or suffer or be bullied to death because of any hate website, have some sympathy, and instead of letting me be well to overcome lawsuit, stop being fascinated about what destroying my life, does to my numbers, attraction, or interactions. If you don’t like me, you wont like anything about me, and you certainly wont appreciate any valued connection, that’s hacking, doesn’t care who you are thinks they are smarter than you, think they can read faster and figure out things faster on a smaller scale, and use mental health to blame me or people for their own disability, and its not my thinking that’s off. It’s who’s making fun of me, and who should I sue! If I knew who was hacking causing voices I would sue them each individually, for torturing me, misconstruing the truth, relying on my work and (question status as creator on Instagram, require solution from me (or express discontent while writing a second book that’s not written yet to cure schizophrenia myself instead of being used to further definitions or diagnosis, or use my identity and my data, and expose me to hate and discrimination expect me to just forget or accept or not accept imagine or not imagine in my head real or not real lesson me in life by use of any diagnosis is wrong!). It is also wrong for “voices” to express hate toward my health, body, genetic makeup, face, photos, and public record online, (voices make me sound mentally ill, and is playing up a situation of my words being too much or issues too easy in short for anyone else, make fun of my writing as not details or a proper composition for solution for a problem I suffer from and have been vocal about, and also suffered harm due to using this term alongside my identity) isn’t my job to mend an impression that court or any jail is using to tell people I don’t exist or a bad seed, I refuse to be hurt by any justice system, or jail system, or police force, who decides to listen to anyone calling me mentally ill, means I’m entitled to sue anyone convincing anyone I’m sick or mentally ill, is wrong!