When flushed with controversy, it’s important to take a step back. Once all is said and done, it’s what you take away from it, is what you wind up left with moving forward. Whenever I reach a moment of complete overwhelm, whether that’s a headache, or faced with confusion, or mental difficulty, I know I can’t keep going, and when I know I can’t keep going, that’s a good time to stop. Sometimes that’s your body warning yourself, and sometimes that could be a force you are up against that you are sensing that is causing you to fall apart, whatever it is stop what youre doing and find another way to either say what you are trying to say, and avoid at all costs, you from being hurt, and recognize risk to you being hurt, presents a risk to others being hurt.

They say that hurt is a quality designated to those who hurt others, somehow hurting people, has been justified as explaining the hurt inside the person who is causing it. Think, do you want to be one of those people, who when hurt, hurts others, that can’t be the solution. I know in as many times as Ive been hurt, faced losses, breakups, or job changes, those are all the moments I’ve been hurt and in order to keep going, you can’t be this person who is hurt, that only pushes people away, and makes you less attractive as a contender for holding any position in life. You have to be doing well in your shoes, to attract things into your life you think you deserve, and sometimes hurting or expressing that hurt is not the way to go about getting what you want in life. It actually makes you less approachable, it makes you harder to understand, and less likely others will empathize with you. People want to be exposed to feelings that feel good, it’s hard to ask of any audience to experience feelings alongside you, of hurt, or to describe a scenario that just hurts to read.

So how can you help others in spite of being hurt? Most hurt is controversial. I can’t name one person who has ever felt hurt who has not defended themselves, that’s innate to any human being. Understand me understand where my hurt is coming from, and hoping that people will not feel hurt, take sides, or be affected or complain about you being hurt, or in a less than stable position in life. As a blogger there have been plenty of days, while in treatment, and upon returning from treatment, that I have not been in a position to be strong and to advise others and blog everyday, but never did I think that I would not recover or not get strong again. That’s the problem with stigma it tells you to stay away, it tells you to be disappointed, it tells you to be upset, it tells you that someone is in a down position, and if people perceive you to be in a down position, then they justify their hurt as being caused by you, whether you are or are not in a down position, this is why people stay away from people, who are less than or lower than themselves, or stoop low, or considered beneathe them. There is always a standard about holding your head high, and it’s just as much about feeling good and staying well, as it has ever meant before. So before you raise brows, and stigmatize people, or hold people responsible for your social ills and opinions, think to yourself in all these controversial emotions that Im feeling right now, is it whats being done to me, is it preventable, is it because of something someone has said to me, is it a rumor, is it true, is this affecting me or preventing me from being able to move forward and to enjoy the day as it is.

Most things that aren’t good for you to think or feel, do just that, it prevents you from being able to enjoy life, be at ease, and enjoy the day. Remember those sunny days staring at the sky, or the trees, or animals, or people, when you could take a step back and reflect, that’s what controversy does, it puts you in the middle of all those emotions, and it’s up to you to step back and reflect. The best way to handle any controversy, is to take a step back and reflect, the more you get into the middle of things, as you have witnessed me doing, the more challenging the road ahead, the bigger headache it is to be me, the more stress and tension I feel in my chest and upper body, and this can’t be a good sign of things to come. If you can’t help but empathize with others, make sure that you first empathize with yourself, before stating an opinion, you don’t have to put the world on your shoulders and take on too much, just to make a positive difference. Trust your instincts, and know when to stop. That includes not bringing up or bringing to the table anything that’s unnecessary to state your case, or necessary to make things better.

As much as I question, who is forced to remain silent and question what’s keeping people silent on issues such as rape, I am no different compared to someone being threatened or trying to do things in private, to hold me silent to, that’s free defense and representation the more you allow yourself to be hurt, and the more you allow your health, or your face, to represent who is harming you, risk being devalued by someone who has not shown their face and name to a struggle you are currently suffering from and that’s not fair. Sometimes its better to put into words again and again before its too late, and some other version of you is sought to be created to take its toll on public opinion or code in general, if that’s not how you want to be remembered as a historical figure, then that’s not how you should be remembered or be known for. You get to choose what you want to be known for, it’s not up to someone to create for story or broadcast any secrets about you, isn’t what talking in private is about. I think the more times Ive been hurt in private makes me more vocal in public because that’s how to deal with something small occurring in private made to be big and explosive in your heart, and allow the battle to diffuse itself being watched and articulated in public instead.