It feels good to be alone, and take care of myself for a change, without having to meet the demands and threats from someone trying to sabotage my career as a writer, or a future in politics, and managing controversies in life. I think I was born privileged and lucky to live in a nice neighborhood, is how I met Sydney, through her Mother. At this phase in my development its important for me to stay level headed, and process everything Ive been through over the past 4 years, all the ups and downs, and moments of despair, pain agony, and feeling tortured by voices, you couldn’t make this up if you tried, and I promise that whatever life has resulted from blogging or becoming known, Im determined to get through and figure out just as dedicated as I was when I was a private citizen and studying law to become a lawyer, you end up where you put the time and effort to be in life.

I just celebrated my 39^th birthday, and it was the best it’s been in many years, more present mentally and emotionally, than I have usually felt, some place else, in this constant state of worry, or feeling of something being wrong, which Im assuming is the result of having experienced severe mental illness, due to whatever reasons so be it, but it’s time to move on, heal and recover, and be symptom free. Maybe it was my mistake to use the word “battle” in trying to title a second book which I have not finished writing yet. I just reported several Tik Tok accounts made in my name showing picture videos of photos Ive not posted online, and that’s disturbing, but its too late theres nothing that I can do about it. If people want to be me, then that’s a problem you face when you put yourself online, people wanting to be on the inside of things, and literally see the world, with your face over an account they’ve made of you, they even made a fake account on Tinder, not my fault. If those are the ways you get hurt for being in public or writing online, then Im sure Ive suffered the worst consequences of having my identity, damaged, mangled, trashed, and defamed, and yet even in spite of all that pain and suffering, Im amazed at my ability to recover when I do focus on the right things in life. Guranteed when something goes wrong, nothing but time can make things better. In my case, when a time period is tough, nothing but writing can help me or others to move forward. Sometimes like myself you don’t know what to think, and I get that its easier to think with someone else writing and sharing from their perspective how things are, or why so difficult internally. I would say that with popularity comes responsibility, and that’s not a more conservative approach in life that differs from who I am as a person, and how I dress normally conservative. I wear nice clothes, and nice jeans, and nice tops, I was titled “best dressed” in 6^th grade.

Sometimes I think a woman is trashed in the eyes of others, to make other women feel better about themselves. It’s like women are competing for respects and love, and equal treatment in life, yet there is still this fascination with picking women to not be like, or characterize as women who have ill fated faiths in life, or destinations, improper, not good luck, or an example of “for worse” in the famous quote “for better or worse.” It seems like that shouldn’t be the basis serving womens confidence what differentiates them from women, who are not treated as special, who are not protected, who are not respected, who are not harmed, it seems like theres this fascination with creating or enlivening a woman, who deserves to be fought or attacked, and it would be terrible to have created this platform for writing, or allow for my life, to be used as some example, or embarrassment and humiliation to make women detest me, or think less of me in life, or hold their heads up thinking theyre better than me. There is something foul about a man’s personal review or assessment of a woman, like theyre the normal or the doctor diagnosing the issue, and that makes life incredibly uncomfortable, to have been exposed to this world of comparison in a way, that my success online, didn’t equate to more respect of me, it only made me more uncomfortable, not try as hard, give up on things, feel offended, and wonder why am I being treated this way, but other women are not treated this way. Thinking why am I being labeled this, and why are other women not labeled this. And continue to question the entitlement, being given to anyone hurting me to get away with crimes hurting me, and identity theft, and for me to suffer severe mental illness, or symptoms associated with a negative profile of me being made, is very complex and time consuming, and takes many years to undo that harm and damage, that no apology or promise to never do that again can fix, by the time they’re over it, its too late, they didn’t give me a chance to know me as successful or with a paid job in law, or with a nice boyfriend, when the concern is how to destroy a person and make their story stupid or not matter, that’s exactly what happened to me.