So why do we care so much about toxicity and who we surround ourselves with, has this post COVID world really untrained us in many ways to not be paranoid or judgmental when it comes to looks and personality traits, in what way has the spread of a deadly virus caused us to all be way too concerned about the spaces we keep. 

It didn’t really hit me until I became a blogger what a job was, sitting at a desk sharing an office space with other human beings and being approved to work in that space. We don’t talk enough about what approvals for but when it comes to toxicity and controversy in general it’s so important for different ideas and expressions coming from one another to not skew the senses so to speak or cause that unnerving relentless headache of anxiety and pressure associated with simple acceptance. 

I think as a blogger I face harsher scrutiny because I’m not famous and because I have yet to earn an income from my writing but have this world wide audience that everyone wants more verification of how it was done and questions whether it’s real. It starts with who I am as a person and how I sound that’s number one to me to be anything in life to feel okay to simply just be and maybe I’m not doing a good enough job of writing everyday and see my numbers fall, just goes to show how high in demand a daily writing or anecdote is needed for the day. 

We can’t always predict what’s going to be said following alone or predict what’s next sometimes the best thing you can do is make sure no one else is situated in a place in life they refuse to mix in, or let the post-COVID paranoia and judgments get the best of their senses about the space they share and who’s in it whether that’s online or in real life.

Sometimes it’s never good enough to fix what’s off about someone else’s day or sense about things. I reflected on this issue in private in regards to anti-semitism and other race related issues being half Asian (Filipino) which are traits or genetics I don’t speak about since so much controversy was raised and question as to my mental health, just glad things are better now. 

It would be a good idea to be well liked popular should mean that you mix well with others, your words sit well in others, and for all spiritual reasons what you wake up to and go to bed at night with and in your waking hours have a sense of being that’s not disturbed by any unwanted presence including me or anyone that’s a problem and a controversy much like politics when people simply don’t want to combine or have a force or sense of being or drive within in that’s weighted down by influences they don’t like or want inside of them in terms of their physical and mental well being. To me that’s the controversy posed I feel I face as a writer why approvals and popularity are great reasons to read and make sure there is diversity so that this doesn’t have to be about thinking I’m stupid or mentally ill or look like something I’m not or try to justify not feeling it (meaning my writing expertise) or pretend who’s feeling it (reading) is changed or affected by me in the positive or negative and you know I can’t decide that for people what their particulars are in terms of what they define to be intelligence or meaningful discussion all I know is that my voice shared to millions of people needs to be at a standard that I not them face controversy or inability to mix adapt to their world and just be comfortable with who they are. I know I’ve worked hard for that.