After taking a short writing break this month, falling backwards in my recovery from addiction, and medication management issues, I finally took the time to review my posts, and in a completely different place in life today than I guess I seemed then. It’s always sad to improve and take a look back, and review what you were going through, not to mention in public on a blog. Hopefully we don’t need to experience changes to extremes in life, to come back center. Despite my progress on my blog, the reality was that I was making positive progress, attending therapy, consistent, attending AA meetings, reconnecting with friends supported, and working on book writing submitting drafts to my editing team for review. Somewhere in the middle of my progress, came confrontation, usually from unexpected sources, but hurts nonetheless, even if you face a personal emergency that no one really takes responsibility for attacking you for. I guess what hurts is to be so open about mental health and meds, and hospitalizations and then to be confronted by someone who has not been through what you have been through act like you need help, or have said something that means there is something not right for you. I feel like sometimes the more people know about you, the worse you feel, and it’s not easy to have gone through so many months of treatment away from my phone, with limited contact, and come back to life, only to be told or reminded by someone else that you have a condition be spoken to like its not been treated or isn’t something you are working on, not trying to involve others in or bother others with the trouble of trying to understand, or present as some complicated person who can’t get well or isn’t well.

I guess in all the posts I spent, over-medicated or taking things to heart offended to be given a hard time for not wanting to be bothered, or blocking someone, was difficult to explain to this person why, who I don’t know met out at the bars one night, and also not look bad or be punished for someone texting me who no one knows, think that I’m up to no good or going to drink or relapse, sometimes just not keeping in touch with others, means getting well, not to insult anyone for not being social. It hurts to work so hard to be a blogger, and it’s a project I pride myself in as though I would go to tech school and learn coding to continue building websites is more than just a passion and an excuse for a career change, but has helped my mental health, which is why its so insulting that if ever Im not doing well, for people to blame my blog or consider writing or blogging as not taking care or my mental health. No not doing anything is bad for my mental health, writing and connecting and being social online and helping others and writing articles is good for my mental health because it gives me purpose, it gives me a job something to do everyday, and it’s a rewarding experience to be read and recognized by others as someone who is helpful in spite of mental health or medications, or treatments. And to me that makes me feel good to be me, and it would make me feel better, for people to be impressed that I blog, or ask about it, let me talk about it, instead of having a blog being treated like it’s a secret, or a waste of time, or work in avoidance of jobs or having other life responsibilities in life. I couldn’t have gotten jobs had I not blogged and that’s the truth and reality of being me, and overcoming all the mini issues and concerns with being me, or hearing my life story, thankfully life has become less complicated being me, and its been helpful to share who I am and what my connections are in life, and to be able to care and voice my opinion. To me that’s not bottling up or being delusional, its putting into words how Im feeling and why Im feeling that way, and whats coming up for me as a person, in relation to everything else going on in the world.