The best way to address the seriousness of what is expected of me now, would be to describe how demoralizing it is to be diagnosed as schizophrenic, and in what way that becomes a new and permanent lesson on mental health, when it stops being about you, and becomes about others. Mental health isn’t just about how you hurt, or get hurt, what pains you, or what you find difficult, it’s also about improving and not continuing to suffer burden anyone to await your recovery, have positive feelings toward you, not allow disability to become a disappointment, or something about you that others can’t figure out, or have a hard time understanding, or have compassion for. In all seriousness it’s also about how you tell your story and how you create meaning from your life, that’s meaningful to others, to avoid at all costs, being connected to a high profile story, and be viewed as someone unnecessary to know, or someone in public bringing attentions toward themselves, in an insensitive way. I think based on how your story and life is perceived, if you want to be met with sensitivity, and to be respected for sharing, to also not be shocked or freak out, in the event life becomes difficult for you, and no one else seems to be experiencing the same kind as difficulties as you. Sometimes a test to see whether you care, are careful, and do not bring negative attentions home, would be are you someone who works hard and others are proud of, or are you someone who looks stupid, or is online not viewed as smart, easily insulted by the demeanor of others, or have a presence too serious for the occasion. I think for the same reasons I worked hard to be respected, it would be hard for me to accept any diagnosis, that makes anyone think less of me or anyone I know, or be observed as though something wrong with me, or an expression of what things are need be communicated by diagnoses or things done to me, to accommodate what other people see, or some condition easily avoided had one not opened up or shared their story or been treated.

So while Im not winning in court or by any explanation of what a lawsuit could be about or judge myself or how I look as being a type of person who gets sued or told to stay away, have to accept the consequences of what that means whether the lawsuit is going away, almost done, being represented by an attorney, or by stages of my wellness, its up to me to belong and to just tough out all the symptoms however occurring or difficulties I encounter along the way, those are things about myself I can’t change, and which no writing can explain or persuade someone to not be bothered if Im sued, or interpret me as offensive or hurtful or threatening to another, I don’t think that who I was compared to who I am now hurt, can explain for what happened in between just improving, being treated, and going to court, some things in life you can’t fix if anyone is convinced to not respect you, or feel bad for your family, considering you to have failed or been sick and not done your best, how can you explain that to any medical team who you are, what meds you are on, or talk about your experiences in life, and be made to feel guilty like you were not worth the inspiration hard work or dedication, and that’s a hard aspect of life to accept, why you look stupid, and think about what about your story, or what have you done in life, to make people think that Im stupid, or not intelligent, or responsible, or hardworking, or focused on my mental health and getting well.