Maybe whats most hurtful is getting sick and losing on the basis of feeling sick, instability, or negative judgment, I have lived life long enough to work hard and be able to help that never in my life have I ever been so hurt or at a loss or continue to suffer from a condition openly treated for, and maybe that’s that’s the issue improvement and being helped, calling 911, having personal emergencies, doing my best to stay well, and have never been anyone who worried or disappointed anyone for getting help in life or going to the hospital. I guess whats most hurtful is to have had so many experiences of not feeling well and figuring out whats wrong and having faith in going to the ER, that no one was ever shocked or discontinued speaking to me, not even after carcinoma cancer or being robbed, whatever a drawing of Sunset Strip represented, sometimes life will never be enough to explain for how and why things happen or reflect whos in power or what I seem like in real life, accuse me of being improper not belonging, standing out, judgmental or not tough out in the world, strong enough to have weird experiences disclose those weird experiences and instead of punishing me or accusing me of wrongdoing, why not have empathy for who loved me and supported me, and not accuse me of being someone who loves anyone who has loved me less, or accuse me of being able to match or be loved like its easy or happens and lasts know my odds, maybe its not clear based on not going out anymore, or going out and informing the bouncer of my condition drink limits there to pass tests and be normal be accepted disclose disability, isn’t being out in life feeling good or not appreciative of everyone else who is well or ungrateful for who friends me, sometimes its not clear how changes occur or what spurs talking if it was ever something known or a condition I should be aware of its nothing that I didn’t leave and apologize to the bouncer and explain what happened, make my life more difficult having had a bad experience.

Sometimes the best way to reflect on what voices mean, wellness, advice, mental health support, support, recovery, book writing, personal story, disclosures, work history, treatment goals and share things that I have disclosed and was helped with, isn’t about me losing wellness in a way that my advices to myself of whats not helpful to get sick and judge when I was helped, discount entire years of my life in treatment and compliant improving, is not about me getting sick or ending up complaining reading a concern or pointer to myself of what not to do, then watch me do so, or get sick, like Im an example of someone who gives bad advice or is dishonest or knows better and makes mistakes or changes take personally justifies or makes a big deal of changes in care. I did my best to be helped, and was helped again this past year for 9 months, and maybe whats difficult to figure out is how to stay well and be honest helpful supportive to those interested in talking about how voices happen or hear theories on what is sounds like and not accuse me of being a bad patient or accuse me of being helped by someone you consider me too sick to be helped. You cant fake wellness in life, I suppose every goal or announcement of important appointments or overhear of what I think of meds and wellness, isn’t something that Im able to prove mentally or by appearing or in discussion with a doctor, and maybe disclosures online are overinterpreted as threat or misunderstood as a condition not reflective of everyone as a whole with acceptance for how a hate site embarrassed me what it was like trying to be helped what it was liked being blamed, what it was like have bad photos published, and what it was like discussing how terms untrue help and as a consequence of disfavoring me interpreting a person calling me out in public as things I am not, is something I never criticized as public service or try to rationalize who he was helping or harming in the process anything I endured or not punished for suffer the consequences of at home and not allowed to publish a book and blog and had to look for a job and couldn’t date not given money. Sometimes the worst way you can discredit people from being strong and able to work and apply be accepted undergo challenging treatments recover stay well able to find new doctors did their best to respond to crime openly shared photos and job location is not some unpromising call of attention anywhere to accuse me of not belonging or bringing crime to, I think for every reason hired and able to work I stayed, I think for every reason a rational deduction was made to view tips as a source of inspiration, doesn’t recognize the amount of time and effort to build a new website or have compassion for not being able to work leaving work or going to the ER and being sent home. In the end you just have to stay way reflect on everyones health and make sure you are someone worth helping and if you get a job its with permission of my Father, and our time together is not a joke about being too late or suffering, or disappointment humiliated or his car being totaled, its really hard to describe to someone who thinks your sick that no one hurts you in public respect you for running 2hrs a day, and not make light of what it feels like to be accused of causing any suffering preventable accuse me of not replying or refusing to give love to someone angry with me in a way that I could never figure out or prevent since the time I met him after 2 months, I would never be in contact with anyone so disappointed or not appreciative of messenger conversations or have ever lived a life that would permit or convince anyone there is something wrong with me, so Ive worked hard for this person to not make a hate website, and it is a big deal if Im suffering and experiencing difficulties and hes threatening to make two fan sites a crisis worth talking to him about. So again what is wellness, for me its something you overcome get well improve then becomes something you struggle with disappointing to others or to the people you love, I never accused this person of hurting me and my entire family or ever villainize him or not take seriously his Mothers death, or a shooting in Uvalde, sometimes prevention is not about being sick and making fun of people who get sick and accuse them of wrongdoing or being responsible or offensive disliked provocative stupid a subject of anti-semitism try to justify my livelihood or my family’s livelihood as impacted by my life as a human being or mental challenges, is probably something difficult for anyone to see, Ive always done my best. It’s not about where you were or when you gave up or what caused self harm or what wasn’t my fault in terms in terms of self-injury or lawsuit, it’s about mental health being something that only a doctor can help you with is the lesson, everyone tries to help. So please don’t accuse me of being resentful or dishonest about voices self harm or being served in public accuse me of what it feels like to be told Im sick or someone I loved is hurt, is nothing you should have experience with and is nothing law school or mental health can solve and nothing that a new website or discussions posted or not naming names is one thing that prevents someone who knew me or tried to help me from being harmed, I think once you accuse my blogging history or exposures as offensive discredit my entire life, and critical of my first website means you don’t appreciate how long it took to earn back trust or even figure out how to be followed and use every single social media app available recommended included Bloglovin and attend General Assembly classes.

Right now things are not working out for me because I keep getting sick, I drank today, no one appreciates me lightening up, I still get pressure in the form of voices dislike, no stage of mental health issues observed is excused or forgotten and really doing my best is about following my own advices in life, and maybe that’s what getting sick again means or how someone ends up in the hospital, everything they know not to do happening and getting sick, like being tough, or cursing, disorganized, liked and rejected, not talk to men, helped, treated, missing appointments, being accused of abusing adderrall, sued and accused of civil harassment based on a “prior” whatever the reasons are, I did my best, and just have to move forward from there, I think its too much to keep getting sick, or be punished, or made fun of, or make fun difficulties socially or romantically, be insulted by all my positive traits think that losing chances in life or being at odds is some example of disproving who is a good influence helpful to women or hurtful or ridicule my phone call the Trevor Project (my yearbook editor was Trevor) and it was to make sure to be careful of womens issues and make sure to not complicate or make difficult womens support of one another, ultimately there are only so many ways you can be hospitalized 10 times or love someone and be treated, given voices, made to punch your head no matter what room I lived in no matter who I was talking to, no matter whether I was running, treated, struggling, etc that Ive ever denied a part of me or been inconsiderate of what instinct means or what being protective means make fun of my ability to be a mother or a girlfriend accuse me of wanting things Im not able or unfit for or view improvement as enabling opportunities in life inappropriate or offensive to celebrities or victims of crime, life means whatever it means everyone was in good spirits and took the time to all talk to eachother and discuss observations of me I was honest, the constant hurt is the bullying and told to block and then punished for getting hurt or be accused of not blocking, as though I get hurt talking to strangers and don’t know what blocking is for how its helpful or not take seriously someone pointing a gun at me sending a text message photo in treatment and be traumatized by it, maybe its not big deal to women and something they have more experience in, often encouraged more connection with women and friendship and I don’t think Ive ever been offered an opportunity in life I struggled with or made strides that means anything less of me or question improvements or modeling as unwanted competition or accuse my blog or job as a success in competition with other woman, consider me getting away or disadvantaging others someone who does well and makes others feel bad about themselves, is about observing me with mental illness off meds not able to talk and share and gaining weight pushed myself without complaint, attended everything given phone and texting privileges and so lucky to work and be taken care of, Im sure whats amounted to post treatment is again subjected to sickness instability adding meds considered a relapse or then a drink considered a relapse, getting voices and being separated from my Saturday meeting my second chance in life, are all the reason being vocal about how voices keep you away from others in life, or become something you suffer from that makes it difficult to date, isn’t about my timing and sense of peace being off, forgetful or not able to achieve a period of rest and thankfulness on my own, I think out of consideration for how well I felt dating others, Im sure getting sick on my own, is a good reasons to see whether I am someone in the 10 years that Ive worked hard and lived life, suddenly complaining or confrontational or big headed or not scared and not know how to help anyone who has tried to helped in a way you accuse my education as mental illness, maybe its not about how I am affected by crime or recognize what university I attended, its about in what ways does being who I am reflect in a way in life to which anyone can relate and not accuse me of being the kind of a person, a Mother mourning on Fox News who lost two sons sharing her story would be offended by me being sick or being alone, consider me having failed in life or ever blamed anyone for sickness someone able to work and be around others, an improvement considered racist or privileged reflective of love, or what I say, take chances running my sense of speech questioning my medical history story blog posts shared online in volumes mistreat me forgetful or not safe to know and read of solution or putting anyone at risk of harm, what Ive learned about being online is only I can be online and be in public, and maybe everyone else I reflected on having seen me go through changes would be proud Im presentable or able to be seen now, I would never think that writing online or talking about life is some way to say one thing do another watch one thing see another thing accuse me of having any skill knowledge or criminal justice experience as someone who has never studied crime or watched the TV shows, sheltered or not careful capable of being harmed, who you know is not how to get along with others, be close to anyone, relate on a level or in a way that is known or accuse me of saying something that acts like Im not known, accuse blogging and stats worldwide as not a hard earned achievement to publish a book or get a job and place in life, Im suddenly able or misrepresent or insulting to the concentrations and focus of others, is not my intent to discuss code to pretend like my story or experiences are things memorized by others and consider a loss of respect to have occurred by me or to my family and who I know, that’s a difficulty and unwanted attention in life, to make anyone less than proud of happy you are doing well. I obviously cant stay well if I drink or relapse or blame others, maybe its difficult to discuss dysmorphia I got to talk about it no big deal, but please don’t accuse me of experiencing changes in life and not healing or fixing myself again lose weight isn’t about going back on forth on prosecuting me or any medical treatment, I just think challenge is overlooked and experience is broadcasted as a moment you accuse me of being inappropriate to room or live with others, being in treatment you are supported getting treated or being sober is not something you leave and suddenly lost and opening up saying the wrong things or being insulting toward the health of others willing to be your friend but because of feeling suicidal not able to have friends, is a period in time preceding the publication of a hate website that Ive not taken down or ignored from discussion or trying to forget or reminded of in a way Im hurt or don’t take responsibility for how that can occur state that being taken off meds, or being forced to take photos, in whatever order my disability was once supported bed rest in other times, to unsupported is not for me to say what an ex pen pal’s tipping point was, or justification for declaring terms that don’t reflect my sexuality or comforts in life or difficulties, accuse me of being comfortable with women, or accuse my presence of being offensive or making anyone pay attention to me, friend me, or accuse me of talking about treatment like its some way to create a living nightmare of who I am and what I look like say to the world I should be dead and here is what is wrong with me. I will never go to treatment for the rest of my life, please accept that its impossible to be related to if you think less of me, so allow me to improve and discontinue being seen, if Im called terms or bring my sexuality into question its clear that I will never have sex for the rest of my life, based on being accused of having things wrong with me I fail to disclose, or accuse me of having issues with women, compare myself, or look too poorly to be social, isn’t how to treat someone disabled as special or find value in treatment centers isn’t a vacation you improve and instantly punished for improvement, is not what being sent away is for, and maybe that’s something I cant explain being who I am or think too hard about what meds I took and forget I got a job and worked, keep viewing me as sick. Anyone who keeps viewing you as sick, will never see you well, will never believe you, will continue to consider your life or health a disappointment, will continue to hurt you and accuse you of not being appreciative thoughtful or the publics concerns or who is famous and representing a case in a meaningful way, accuse me of looking guilty, or being guilty, or being in control of what anyone else successes represents, Im sorry that no one appreciated anything I published and for the concern to be about me being sick or unfit to work or appear and accuse me of trying to be a role model or connect or influence women I think in every way I was able to help already happened, I think in every way Ive been punished, will be a difficulty that I will never not be blamed for brought down by, and maybe that’s the solution when people forgive and have compassion for those who do not accept me and for my mental health to be considered something visible or shared in private that sparks debate or offense, is not how you become loved or connect with people or judge how many ways you can be harmed, I think I did my best to not be targeted, I don’t think I have ever been avoidant or disrespectful of traumas, or not in a positive way illustrated that Ive thought about a serious subject in a drawn out way that shows who was most intelligent and believed in children in progress and peoples gifts in life, is nothing Im privileged to or lose or accuse me of taking drugs or alcohol make fun of being kicked out of home or continue to look at me and figure out whats wrong or upsetting about me that doesn’t deserve to live among others, and maybe that’s a difficulty incurred that you don’t subject others to is what Im  being faced with, in how many ways can I get along, be helped and move forward, not blame anyone, back off, be respectful of the public’s attention, not look like Im  having fun making up code or forgetful or why my story is meaningful and was embraced and accuse me of having been embraced or turned out to be something worse that cant appreciate the value in support. Is maybe you how you get punished in life, things you get accused of, and names your called, terminology, sexuality, meeting attendance, rejection, female interactions, is not something you can just act like everything okay fool anyone, Im sorry seeing a new psychiatrist and made to disclose an important appointment was almost late to and too sick to talk or make suggestions accuse mental health sa being some easy subject or accuse me of making up stuff or pretending to sound like advice or accuse me of being sick on the job or making mistakes not able. I think I did so much to be professional and work hard, Im sure any changes is about secrets and offenses make sure whatsver Im going through doesn’t bother anyone, reflect on not being able to date and my losses and working hard improving and being alone, reflect on difficulties texting and just be myself, and you know what its not up to me to stay a certain way be changed or accuse me not being worth it or unappreciative, I think you lose what youre not meant to have in life and that’s how life works.