In life, if you ever experience mental health issues, and/or hospitalized, you are just so thankful to get better, that it really is never about where you are or how you are treated, in times of not feeling well, I don’t think you are ever concerned with how things look or how you look, it really should never become an issue. I do think that getting well is a team effort, all things aside, as a person living with disability there will be phases of independence and recovery, and you may encounter periods of graver disability or be put on different medications, the goal is to get well and stay well, whether you are making decisions for yourself or another, there will always be stopping points in life, and it is very much about how people feel about you, whether they trust you, are able to help you, believe you are well, or not satisfied with how you are doing, make medical decisions, anyone is convinced is best for you, without calculating all the repercussions of being offline, or bullied, relapse or getting voices, sudden unemployment, or changes in care.

Life is a balancing act, that you are very much apart of that team effort to get you well and keep you well. Unfortunately its not always a public discussion or by personal review evident of why and how you are staying well, following all the rules, or in a place that demonstrates that a medication should be taken away. I don’t think I have managed well in close quarters trying to explain to men that I cannot have sex anymore (or model) or recently left treatment focusing on my blog and mental health, respected and left alone, its still very much a fight about staying well, being able to share that wellness, make others feel included and recognized for their support, and to continue to stay well and get to places in life mentally, that overall people can take a look around and either feel good and respect you, or take a look around and not feel good, and also decide to not feel good by you, or blame you, and that’s life, its all team effort, that you either stay on board, or you fall off board, and no one can help you if you get sick or don’t know how you end up sick, the challenge is not getting sick when you are treated as sick, and staying well, if you are being told “a higher level of care is needed” its not about reaching levels of wellness that scream recovered and nothing to worry about, its about living with disability and knowing your limits, being supported, getting approved to take meds, attending therapy, and doing you best to abide by what is expected of you, there are no guarantees in life. Not by court, not by lifestyle, money, job, effort, phone call, blog, book, or life experience.

I think being hurt or made fun of for your identity and what speaks to you, is just as insulting as it is to be compared to people who are well and strong, or compare my condition to someone who is bullied or suicidal, suddenly judge my disability as being my own fault, that no one wants to be responsible for.

I think in many ways you can experience things in life that no one agrees with, no one believes, no one can make sense of, no one can help you with.

Sometimes there is no solution, but to believe in yourself, and to live life carefully, not take risks, or be judged as someone who takes risks or causes harm to others. I don’t think that court is doing a good job of representing who I am as person, and I think wrongfully accuses me of being responsible for things I can and will prevent and have an identity that Im not changing or don’t like or suddenly fat or depressed and not loved or be accused of fraud wrongfully accuse my photos of being fake when they are not.

What no one agrees with is when you sound sick, no one wants to hear about your challenges in life or how you are helpful, if they think youre not feeling good, then you get attacked as though you cause illness, and that’s how wellness is taken away from you, if it requires hurting you and mentally challenging you to push you disabled, then that’s the wrong way to treat me in life, and I don’t deserve to be treated like that dear Judge.