If I go on a 3 day bender writing non stop for days my face out as prescribed goes through several stages and changes before my face appears proper today in makeup just to let you know for scientific sake what’s real or delusion or how my face is made (cardio/singing/now writing). I just think that the more you argue “not a big deal” and act like everyone saw something cool with an offensive take on my photography skills and sexuality period doesn’t care for weight loss perfection intelligence right to be alone loving on working having a job death of a loved one being made fun of being rejected or shouted at brought to court told I’m going to jail so I hired a new attorney is all about scaring me to death and not care what I look like or feel scared and although you may try to change my disposition think you can ghost me ignore me call me untrue term deny the existence of two websites and my analytics I know I’m alive and well am peaceful hardworking don’t hold resentments as forgiving let people win am not trying to fight have never been in a fight in my life know breakups are hard never untruthful of recovery being alone and maybe that’s what’s needed to not be tested as stupid mean or fat or unprofessional and maybe the Judge thinks stopping me ignoring internship applications (get well job opportunity) went straight to a paid job in law isn’t me trying to be big or don’t believe in myself or mean I’m too late to make my Dad or OJ proud I just think the timing of having a paid job in law finally when each died is not a manufactured circumstance by me undeserved. Or not paying attention I messaged Attorney Shapiro paid legal book thousands of dollars in fees to be registered in the State of CA, not the one over inflating my importance or innocence. I think if you misread my life to mean I’ve done something wrong then nothing I’ve done in the past 10 years or medical history will tell you anything about me that clearly didn’t help you stop punishing me pushing me forcing me to be in treatment for longer appropriate. I think sending investigators to my home repeatedly was heartbreaking prior to having a heart condition broke down crying several times and even told Justice Robert’s at one point when I felt like negative pressure on me was forcing me to back out of commitments to support Brady maintain composure online prevent gun violence and school shooting’s. I wrote over 90 posts thoughts on mass shootings I informed the Judge all set to published whether I’m emailing or not that’s for me to decide what I can take on and why or in what way is mental health preventing me from living life given a hard time and question the Judge how does stopping me questioning me telling me to stay away ignore a job application do anyone a Justice in solving mass shootings or gun violence while I’m in a job, if anyone thinks it’s right to tell me to stay away or not contact anyone “government official” and you discount me as a public figure call me delusional take me offline, then why should I suffer from voices for what reasons is adderall to blame, I think that’s just an excuse or hypothesis you didn’t read all my disclosures on incidences and descriptions all you saw was lawsuit self harm and maybe that’s how I was misjudged in life for not showing up to court in the end it’s my story I’m not sharing my emails or photos with anyone no one can be trusted to interpret my life and take action upon me for what I think and say or am going through. And like most things Judge this won’t blow over so don’t accuse me of outbursts laughable that make people realize their normal accuse me of causing discomfort in life. In the end your normal will be your normal my battle with voices is in my mind not delusion and not words that I say not a product of what I deserving life or asking for negative attention or disrespect in life. If I had to fight hard to get provocative photos removed then it was good I shared my blood pressure. I just got an inhaler today to help me with breathing. Picked up a prescription to help me with cardio and staying for the bar. I can accept who I am unfortunately my feelings emergencies messages ability recovery or communications are not valued as solution. I’m sad the investigators viewed me as a threat as a result I’m having myself removed from the internet delete all background checks housing history to protect myself and my communities. Not trusting me means I don’t trust anyone so please accept these changes I can’t go back and rewrite or delete things from the internet it’s permanent so instead of judging me as regret or not in control of myself accept me being and my discomfort exposed specifically in places inappropriate for anyone to see let alone everyone and come up with a different respect systems that doesn’t involve rejecting me scaring me excommunicating me prevent me from being helped in life all that taught me was to be alone not tell my story to anyone not lighten up be serious talk to the courts try my best show all sides of me online upon being exposed as though I’m nicer or different anywhere else and provide the same online to everyone as anyone period. I deserve therapy to get help figuring out what’s wrong with me I don’t appreciate 2 days of therapy and pushed to extremes with voices over mantras what I say to myself in the head concerned fur negatives within me or in any writing nothing bad is coming from me that can’t be proven …. Therefore I’m not accusing anyone looking of being in control or questioning any unseen shelter arguments in terms of what keeps the peace. I’m sad that trashing me continuing to get voices means to be alone for the rest of my life I’m not moving on I need to be respected earned it other than selfies or modeling take the bar or get a job or run a marathon do things in life that the Judge can’t take it away or end opportunity or expect me to be able to get a job replace or job relive life start over get hurt or be able when hurt life isn’t about move forgetting apologizing being nice or resuming any condition preferred I think talking about treatments is the only solution forward so I don’t continue to be subjected to some system of rejection or making fun of me accuse me of liking people or staking or following I don’t I’m focused on myself. Like everyone else.