I was put on a 5150 hold they prescribed me vyvanse twice at one hospital and at another knowing both diagnoses functioned attended groups did sudoku not allowed to watch tv or follow the war. Because I got a heart exam and waiting for results sent to my attending psychiatrist is why I was taken off a medication viewed as not helpful to my heart we had not yet tried blood pressure meds, hadn’t started running yet again, was on Invega for over a year on bed rest. Then I learned of a new rule I’m sober livings that sobriety means no stimulants so was not allowed to take meds there and kept up with a rigorous schedule and past my 8pm bedtime. Pushed myself and got a job. The issue given I recently saw a new therapist and psychiatrist was being told I don’t thing your schizophrenic by the Cedars therapist and psychiatrist and never had my meds moved to my psychiatrist before a call was coordinated sent to a UCLA psychiatrist who reviewed my UCLA medical records and an intervention took place to take day meds away, it’s unclear if it’s the diagnoses that says no stimulants or the heart condition concern, or just viewed as not well as though being taken off meds tired and depressed not able to work was the solution, with consideration for the heightened issue asked for vagina photos or called after being blocked while focusing on my writing book writing just left treatment I didn’t appreciate trying to explain to someone how that hurts me mentally not matter who’s watching regardless of what others are cool with maybe misunderstood how that makes me feel as a person to be chill have phone see with me be given a photo you ask for doesn’t mean I’m not focusing on mental health make a big deal of me not being fit to socialize be judged as mean to a person who when he texted me told him exactly what I’m going through that’s not fun to be struggling or be insecure in the end it’s not me who’s judging anyone concerned with class or low class, it’s about recovery and being stable having a bad morning texted and asking my Mom for an adderall too early she said no, maybe was difficult to need a pill be told no and hit my head before texting him back was the disclosure to the therapist I’m sure an intervention scheduled based on where I was viewed to be in life with consideration of my Moms age think I’m out of hand. My Mom doesn’t let me manage a bottle because I get voices overdose I’m not a drug addict work hard be disciplined to be prescribed I’m sorry someone was texting me and if there was questioning as to my presence at the bars not drinking but 1 drink independent in control of myself nice to everyone. I was there to challenge myself to be in public and stay normal be proper maybe fur some people that’s never been a concern you’ve experienced drinking at a bar instability, however caused. I went to 7 months of treatment because that was my pathway in life ending up in the ER what they decided for me. Let’s not bring up my Mom thinking bars are low class or be kicked out intimidated by the police who brought up a lawsuit while one told me I’m not schizophrenic make fun of myself glad I’m not someone arrested in front of my home kicked out like it’s a joke or did anything wrong. I don’t shout despite calls lock or an ugly face I speak proper so I’m sad if that interaction making fun of myself not tackled made people think I’m capable of being offensive by mouth or words toward anyone think I’m capable of offending a police a officer or being fought by a police officer not viewed as friendly toward me criticize getting voices or a hair cut or one phone call to complain about voices to the CIA. So I’m sorry when adderrall was taken away I was getting voices called pervert sick a$$ pervert drove up Orange County after AA, instead of drinking, and called 911 giving up in life and sat outside the police found me and told them what I’m going through (described that interaction as giving up) sometimes when you feel questioned or bullied or punished and your mental health is in question that’s being in a place in life you speak to the police to be seen to me that was the immediate solution to give voices the choice to be reported give an opportunity to the police to put me in the hospital arrest me take my keys away not anyone who leaves up their freedoms in life to anyone capable of harming me. I just have to do my best, I’m sorry I get voices, I’m sorry you didn’t appreciate treatment or long term sobriety or 30 days sober in therapy and I’m sorry drinking happened again, I’m sorry if you think I don’t deserve an attorney or don’t see being told your going to jail as a threat taken seriously make fun of freezing me for a year get mad over an immature response or punish a phone call arranged to give me an opportunity to speak to who helped me not make me look unappreciative or non compliant no one talked to me for years gave all my information open and willing to have OCDA see all my medical records talk to my family and at no point in time did anyone have a sit down conversation with me to discuss anything and everyone was fine I’m sure that it’s not until I figure out why anyone’s angry at me or how a drink is offensive after being sober for 20 years justifies any upset with me I didn’t ask to be sued I managed all of that stress maturely over the years so I’m sorry I’m not an attorney and don’t get to attend any meetings or group discussions with the Judge observe me over time and be faced with a new issue of not viewed as working hard it’s tough when you do your best am given a job, and still criticized for getting a job making me wait or telling me no after applications were sent out it’s almost like you work so hard to get to work but life isn’t perfect people care for you you are expected to change I worked hard to talk to my house manager be given advice told what’s wrong with me, just like the Judge decided I needed to be sent away asked about my job told I would have to leave my job to focus on mental health knowing me didn’t wait I worked for a couple months not having to disclose in a program I wasn’t graduating from moving home told I’m being sent away made to wait be interviewed my insurance wouldn’t cover additional treatment and housing too expensive told my boss the day before I found out it might not work out, about being sent away wouldn’t be finishing the probationary 3 months, and after losing my job couldn’t get it back, told why didn’t wait I told you to wait. It’s not a big deal Boss it’s not about me who I am or what I believe or what’s serious or his helping me or who’s writing letter it’s up to me to work hard stay well make a good impression. I’m sorry that my devastation faced after I went home anyways made me feel at a loss I’m sure is my fault had nothing to do with my case being dismissed or how many letters were written for me, I’m the end get used to no one talking to me including about my mental health and stay well not get bullied be in control of myself know how far I’ve come stay sober not lose my head off meds or on meds not be limited maxed out and maybe those are the ways you’re not taken seriously I’ve done my best. I can make my case work out guessing what courts about on my own and not bother anyone to hear I’m in court think less of me, if it’s too much to hear I’m in court not allowed to work, then maybe be on my own not judge me as leaving care over meds, not wanting to be disabled whatever the reason I can get tired on meds off meds look bad appear out of it, get in trouble demanding anything be proven wrong get sick anyways I just want to stay well work again I dont know why when well faced with real trauma exposed Im viewed as sick. I dud apply to a volunteer job you need to be a student. Im just to be looked at stopped not let myself get hurt by being ignored there is a lesson to all of this not being an attorney not spoken to punished for hiring a new attorney had money could pay lost money criticize me for how I felt everyone punishing me took everything away then accuse me of meeting her law firm concerned I didnt meet her in person liked by my Mom filipina. If you dont think my court submission took effort being honest brave not combative spoke positively of everyone I dont remember why when punished did it matter who she was speaking to when I said “to make him whole” this being how I was told unfit to help him. Accuse me of being told something or disobey shes in court telling me the emergency, at what point did anything go wrong for me to make me mad at someone who knows him lives there called me right away the first attorney the night before about race or who I am, being mymollydoll and accusing me of jealousy is the issue question a bumble friends photo not sent. Why was another attorney called because no one knows why I would be mad at her maybe its because of my blog called the attorney general myself isnt disbelief Im sorry you couldnt accept “how things could get worse without me, as someone disabled in NY receive a call as single well enough to travel notifying me of the issue of who I am how to be nice approving of others accepting of tough love, why would I call her a f-king slut for talking to the Judge managing threats whoever read my information missed the issue of who I am not working having a history of crying during moments of instability given support or honor figuring out how to help is a tough job. Therefore hiring a new attorney more expensive doesnt make jail the threat prevented of my call to the attorney general helpful the issue is I believed her did my best made several court submissions didnt credit tired to submit that submitting 5 documents recently froze tired didnt make it. I trust myself, no matter whos my attorney its my job to be worth helping maybe my life story is unknown to know if I know why people dont have attorneys, similarly unstable with a new attorney said random stuff he said not to text like shouting online told “you’re gonna regret that” issue being what scared me is true going to happen and my reaction is not mobility or complaint therefore since you thought she was mean then I sounded mean the new Judge was mean to me everyone talked except to me and just get used to people looking at me can or cant tell whats wrong with me. Is helpful but as a consequence for having two attorneys court is going well missed one session.

So the Karma dear Judge: Is no attorney can help me things got worse on the blog worse than what court is about, I’m threatened and told I’m going to jail treated as a question or fear, which is why I look mean I’m alone can’t date will not move on am not special having difficulty book writing in a place now where I’m constantly alone or scared by voices or preferences not respected got away with messages outed because the Judge didn’t catch me, things being good with the court not sufficient for things to be good with voices offering to let OC Police put me in a hospital or jail was a great way to give up report being called pervert sick a$$ pervert adderrall being taken away for a week told to do volunteer work. Make fun of what scares me accuse me of not listening or not needing an attorney, not care for later interpretations not care who’s talking about what not consider I’m alone no one talks to me credit me for being human working hard honest, sometimes if what you say is viewed as insult then everything can get much worse for me with no one to talk to and get voices constantly scared threatened for there to be no solution but a writing break to tell me to take court seriously after 2 years of diplomacy and compliance, watch me handle how things getting worse without me attacks me wondering what’s being discussed that right now I’m being faced with serious causes I’ve previously been generally sending emails well up or down openly insightful as I recognize an issue forced to be challenged on whether I should give up or not question if I can prevent something happening while being told I’m delusional and mentally ill and with my vagina online and no attorney to bother with instability see if I can tell what’s real instead of accuse me of not believing her, listen court is serious you need a license to speak the terminology fill out forms be heard, instead of judging me as cocky forget the stress of the copy sent and question the judges question that’s on me how prepared she is and that chemistry don’t ever fucking accuse me of being chill or having odds I don’t deserve or working hard to my limit, scare me to death, tell me I’m going here, watch my face for reaction, see me lose the job while making fun of email saying in caps I worked hard for this job like I spent 10 years being successful watch the Judge collectively put in jeopardy a job that will never exist again, and think not punishing my desperation on an email going through a lot meant getting a nice letter was lucky or what I need or why I look stupid sometimes what you work hard for becomes the very thing you lose as a means to punish you until your clear on what you’ve done wrong and why your not mentally ill not confused stable can lose things have your life end have things taken away but in the end be a strong person life isn’t a game I’m trying to outsmart or question acceptance for stating home is with respect to everyone’s time and attention sometimes it’s not until we see not empathized with that we lose support and that’s okay I may never be consoled checked on reached out to given time to attend therapy, don’t question why solution is needed now accuse me of addiction or drug abuse or not knowing when to stop. Sometimes there’s no way for things to get better until people are at peace happy free to think be creative pick and choose dudes be whoever they want to be. I can be me maybe I will never find love barely make it to a job again but I’m not stupid worked hard to be smart I don’t cheat I don’t see people as stupid I’m not paranoid I’m confident when you are confident independent no one can hurt you and you can keep going in life no one can hurt you wrongfully accuse you everyone deserves love life is one big game of acceptance I’m appreciative of when I was loved I was open about my views on code and pictures records I think it’s great I stated a delusion that I was viewed as to work off or or code as though I’m not approved so reinforcing the attorney general is watching me is to avoid doubt as to my leadership or be threatened by my mental health we talked avoid it I’m talking about court again I was doing well maybe right now not as strong as I have been but trust that I can find a solution for anger toward me maybe I won’t be used to make things anymore stop sharing stories but life works and means so much in life it wouldn’t be fair to hear one way of life accuse me of being afforded opportunities not made available to people of all genders not evolved, at one point it was a thought mixed ethnicities. At some pious a question can I be liked inspite of identifiers, now proving world peace means building my blog again not punish a writing break.

I think right now is about not feeling good then questioning how I make others feel I’m sorry you met me then became unsure of who I can help in life experimenting with my face and body or disposition or stuff said question success or my hard work and support and consider me a part of inspiration I think being alone and prove myself allowed to publish a book or work a job paid or be dismissed from court would to accept who I was and my recognized limitations being naked online understanding of a change in course or how that would make other women feel to be shady of something the creator was made fun of, doesn’t mean I’m not a woman or judge my femininity weight loss or sexuality as a cause for rejection or distrust I am a strong person protective everyone loves my Mom I will never be my Mom or my Sister or Brother that’s life people are hard on you maybe you didn’t reject living alone or care where my problems are away from family or discussed with family and I’m sad I’m an uncredited nude model punished too many times told no, excited about fitness, a better life for me gas been constantly encouraged but at the end of the day what’s with this no stopping point lighten up lack of solution about or being cool with or ruining stuff Eminem wrote a great sigh that made me tough with a hype man that sounded like my teacher I was a fan of, made an effort to talk to someone start somewhere …. Completely change my story and experience losing my job with being shown a picture of who died who was best friends with my roommate who rode motorcycles and the Santa Ana classmate from Todd Spitzer town who couldn’t resuscitate him a traumatic experience for my counselors crying the sake week court letters were due instead of respecting me reporting things reaching it texting someone it became about the why did I text Pauly who I thought lived in that home to see if he was okay become the subject name of an Eminem song suddenly interpret Eminem and WordPress naming a new feature “Blaze” in common with a Bumble dates son! Viewed as calling me out. Life goes on it was a very traumatic period in time I know well studied books read I never once lied it didn’t make my story special or forget my value and who I am lose track of words again it’s not what people think or how many times I’m told no, made fun of for effort or trauma endured not an Attorney go from As to rehab humiliated never recovered self esteem not worth saying maybe it mattered but if I couldn’t handle rehab judged as hurt then let life be a lesson on losing everything put down in life told to stay away have no one talk to me and be the only person with hesitancy who believes it’s not okay to call me offensive offend people with my body or accuse me of making mistakes causing any school shooting, you might not have believed anything meant prevention but don’t condemn me for taking on a challenge again or doing what I think is right will make things better.