Now’s a good time if it’s taking me a long time to overcome voices, court, doubt, risk, without letting anyone else down, to say because I’m challenged to extremes have a heart condition heavily medicated started an inhaler today, try to smoke less lose weight started ozempic again, means I’m doing my best to figure out solution in term of presentation save everyone time and energy without sacrificing group goals or take away from the sense and pride and ultimate achievement that success within industries brings toward those who learn of people not forget to inspire hope. Trump was a great example who accepted me totally insecure broken embarrassed a nobody introduce myself because I’ve been to DC once didn’t vote, worked one real estate job, disclose I self harmed which I’ve apologized for over and over whether or not you believe I was punished for it making voices self harm not okay remember I fractured my hand hitting my head can’t afford to self harm and break my hand again my writing hand, faces scrutiny like I forgot my instagram mentions it was a beautiful story I kept track of and take responsibly for including being called a disease and subject to the sand racism everyone else is subject to not misrepresent be the one accepted worthy of being read in other countries. Mental illness schizophrenia is a serious subject I was treated for and then able to get a job permitted to take learning disability meds. The controversy over what caused voices (one song wonderful life and hate website one word repeated “pervert” was not believed as the cause did voices self harm). I know I’m not blaming voices performed wrote books built website stayed out of the hospital took as prescribed lost my prediction was rejected not prescribed it’s a tough life. But I’m not making life tougher for who is arrived and doing well, consider me doing my best to get to rest have things in life too, I’m not being sensitive dramatic or conservative. If I’m discussing death and sharing my story it’s to reinforce that I do care am a great role model popular resisted loved and dated made friends never anyone disappeared in a room. Doing my best means not taking chances with interpretation of me and talk about losses and what I’m doing in life in reduction of my own life and consider what I can do better ….. I don’t deserve to get blamed or make offender jokes about my life or choices is not funny, not taken lightly, how things look matters. I don’t care if you think I’m autistic or not or don’t know why I won’t share my story in AA yet or need therapy to get talking again build my self confidence set goals open up about my own difficulties in life without being punished. I’m not paranoid I know what I’ve done wrong in life you’re my mind and my body and I know when my hearts been broken or when I’ve cried or what failure is like I have comprehend my own difficulties in life and worked hard to be in a place I can help others dependent on journaling writing correspondence being disciplined sober, continuing my legal education, it’s not fair to judge my life as lived as anything less ….. we all worked hard to be successful today and I just as much believe in the same things I’m capable of with or without analytics or a job I need to be doing well to get to the next goal of chapter in life. Life is “too much” right now and it’s not fair for me to be overwhelmed made out too much stress in my head and too challenging to discuss or too unforgiving are voices in terms of what courts about and what I’ve done wrong question what courts about or think I’ve done something dumb to talk to a DA I’m not guilty I’m allowed to talk to SCOTUS it’s a big case I’m not taking chances I’m not going to lose I’m not going to be sued I’m not lying I am doing my best I’m working hard and I can’t please everyone and have no one to blame for my distress in life everyone’s been through a lot I owe it to everyone to get well not cause a scene or end up in the hospital make a joke about my writing or being specific or use of the word “clarifications.” I don’t think the public is stupid life goes on.