After working hard for years to graduate and be able to apply and be hired in a paid position in the legal field, it’s only fitting that I defend myself and the appropriateness and the timing of having such good fortune in life, as being well deserved, in spite of however many setbacks occur by taking adderrall away. I have lived long enough and have experienced hospitalization enough times, and recovery to know how to improve and its only now, because of court or changes in opinion in terms of day meds, that I have to prove all over again, what my disability is and what is enabled by taking a med, and be clear on my views of preventative medicine, or not being too late on my end, and to also not go about life, where people look at me and can tell whats wrong with me, not having spoken to me and without knowing me to decide which med does what or which med should be taken away, it took years to find the right meds, based on what my issues were, self harm or hospitalization. So Im no more capable of staying well or proving anyone wrong, in a way, they feel like they’ve done a good job, end up some place better, or more a more telling and show of heroism, taking everyones feelings into consideration, even had I not disclosed decisions made for me, and how help was decided for me. The ongoing issue is to accept there is a type of treatment that OJ was subjected to in life, and form of discrimination being asked to leave places of establishment in life, that made his life unique in a way that “the people” found peace through how it was decided in what way to punish him or not punish him, or make making fun of him a popular solution for what was found to be difficult at the time, in terms of race, and how a topic was addressed, of things they had been told he had done wrong toward his wife. I don’t think that any more of a meaningful connection can be made to compare my life, or diagnosis, or what is done to me, any proof of “the people” or of life taking it’s course in a way Im expected to accept or be convinced Im worse off ot lesser compared to others, because of knowing OJ, or not appreciate how I told my story on mymollydoll.com in my 20s, Im now almost 40, and if Im talking about it, that’s not me not accepting an unwanted treatment of me, but lawsuit doesn’t mean Ive done anything wrong, or mean in a big picture way I should be used for blame, including my diagnosis, no matter what the status of my communications toward a Judge are at this time, that’s for me to figure out and be at peace with how things are, and do my part to prevent and explain and share my story in a way, that doesn’t entitle anyone to hurt me, or confuse me for a criminal or mislabel me something Im not, why I need to lose 50 lbs, its not okay to make age an issue, or ignore knowing OJ being a factor in any decision with consideration for what meds I need challenge me on the difficulty of the subject or give me a hard time about what Im expected or forced to accept, or be okay with any changes to my story or misuses of my story. Again I have to do my best and its not me who falsely interpreted life and success and doesn’t deserve to be apart of, its about who I am as a company name and human being and not having got things wrong when it comes to “lip kits” or “snap chat” or “legally blonde” or “law school” means I am who I say I am and it’s not because Im a joke or fail to prove myself worthy of these designations in life, Im not too late, and being well enough to be able to resume my education or work again, and spend time opening up, doesn’t mean Im too late or forgetful, or in a place mentally because of adderrall that is making my life worse, or creating difficulty for others, assumed to be comforted by making fun of me, whatever is the system by which “OJ” was subjected to and whatever system you are subjecting me to, is no more or less easy or difficult or lesser by comparison when you consider what voices or self harm means or why terms that are hurtful is allowed, the main point about an hate or fan site, is that I don’t deserve to be hated on or disrespected, that’s not love, that’s no patriotism, that’s not my worth, and that’s not the value of my story, and that’s not what my life means or what my experiences mean, as defined by any doctor, or pen pal, is not fair to me to live my life and no one cares how I feel or trusts me to take meds and write or open up and keeps punishing me causing delays, and comparing me, isn’t the solution to making things better, by worsening my life dear judge, that’s not the solution. That’s not peace, that makes for more difficulty, when there is lack of acceptance for my hard work discipline or when things are going well, that’s not allowing me to improve unless you feel like justice is being served to everyone except me, when and how am I supposed to live life and improve when you consider treatment or hospital as for other people dealing with me, or used to make me look like I don’t get the big picture, or my thoughts are wrong, or I cant help myself, or mistreat me as someone who has a medical condition that is used to make me look like I cant tell when Im well or when Im sick, or punish me as though Im unaffected by those who present with difficulties connected to me, you accuse me of not having sympathy for, or writing wrecklessly, accuse me of punishing anyone or making anyone else feel small. The lesson is no one has the answers to my problems in life, because its my life that was meaningful and special and only I can recreate what it means to be who I am and be deserving of meds, and not be treated as someone who when awake or functioning doesn’t get it, or gets sick on meds Im taking, why would I ask for meds to function to work and to live life up to a standard of making a positive impression, if I wasn’t in court and accused of not working a rigorous enough challenging program, argue that I don’t deserve to be sent away to more treatment, eventually I have to start living life, and not after 10 years of improving and working on my education is it ever okay to punish me, or tell me I don’t get the big picture or Im not prevention, or I cant stop mass shootings, or school shootings, or assassination, in the end its not about telling me to stop and labeling me mistreat me as guilty, and situate me apart, its about at what point should I ever talk to anyone, or need to be used as someone you put down in life, and punish, or ruin my life, and call that peace or justice, if justice needs to occur use court, but don’t change my story hear me open up, make fun of me, or pretend like you know me by medical records to know what my limit is or faith, or discipline, purpose, or tell me if I am or am not going to make it through writing and making a good impression in court, that’s worth taking the meds for. It’s not worth losing to voices, or letting anyone convince me anything is my fault, don’t wait until I start speaking specific and writing on subjects and describing the past 10 years to let up, that’s not how strength works that’s not how love works, people backing up when things are good, this is how disempowerment works, when you have to overextend yourself, or use fear, or scare tactics, to set me or anyone worse off, is not how you discover who shouldn’t be put down in life, take chances. So please excuse my hardships, and needing to move forward, its clear there will be no peace on the subject concerning my mental health, or ability to prevent unless it occurs, and Im assuming that should anything happen, challenging me and convincing me or anyone Im nobody doesn’t explain how that happened or why it cant’s happen again, and let that be my job, prevention, without scaring me to death hurting me, putting me at rock bottom, giving me a heart condition, voices, accusing me of being sick or not complaint, in the end that’s whoevers argument is then occurring or why as explained by their interpretation, and this is my way of staying alive, and how Im handling a wrongful interpretation of me, that’s not doing a justice to humiliate me hurt me or my family, is unjustified and its not my life that is causing that person to disrespect me, or my comprehension of life and value that makes that person credited for anything positive happening to me, its about not hurting me, and not calling that love, and not using “the people” against me.