I think when you fight a person, and call it “schizophrenia” that takes away from who I am as a person and causes others to question if I know whats wrong with me or can accept whats wrong with me or what a definition says is wrong with me. I don’t think its any less shocking 2021 compared to 2024 to be told I have a genetic disease, doesn’t making living life any more or less meaningful or deserving of punishment. I think the only one who can make sense of my life, is myself, and I think the only way to make sure others are harmed, is to give on writing interpretations favoring or disfavoring any side in life other than my own, or be discredited for writing naturally or in a way that’s balanced and takes into consideration multiple takes in life, including reflect on anger directed toward me, or being exposed on a fan site, as doing what its intended to do, to hurt me, then explain what Im doing to not be hurt, and what I can accept as being my reality. I can accept the reality of court and a Judge who doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t need to see me, doesn’t believe in me, for all purposes is interpreted as judging my life as everything that’s gone wrong or memorializing every insult or person who has hurt my feelings, as stuff that should be recalled to question the life Ive lived or experience in relationships or being loved, compared to any place else Im considered having been hospital or not, consider my interactions as telling of who I am or who I am not, explain where I am or who I am today, as justified use my life and my story to tell me what Ive done wrong or explain to me what’s wrong with me, having reviewed my medical records, doesn’t privilege anyone to a knowing of me, that explains court, or prevents punishment, or voices, I think we are missing the point when it comes to science and crediting my comprehension of a disorder “mental health” as lived and experienced by me, with addiction and alcohol experience and sobriety and time away from dating, to appreciate my improvement as earned, but like all things if you don’t explain it well enough, it can used “against you” and Im assuming that’s the general comprehension of law, or what your story means later in life, not saving you, or ending up hurt again, doesn’t explain any better, the amount of hurt and expectation and love that goes into supporting a life, saving a life, or being considerate of everyone else’s feelings, hate website or fan site or not. If my analysis wasn’t appreciated accept that Im alone, maybe until it’s clear what Ive done wrong or until the Judge or the public are at peace and a fan site come to terms with what a lawsuit means or court, and just do my best and not give up and keep working hard until court is over. I don’t think Im overreacting to punishment or being hurt, or my feelings being hurt, in a way that I either deserved to be punished, or now having shared about court, suddenly be confused for either being in solution or not reflecting enough on voices or dislike in a way, that shows in the event I do improve I have always been aware of having a disability that is life long whether or not voices ar new, using my interpretation or discredit my interpretation be more fascinated with a changing definition of schizophrenia online, disregard my feelings as ever having been valid. Mistreat me as paving the way for acceptances for a diagnosis only 1% of the population suffers from unclear on how bipolar was changed, and feel hurt I underwent treatment in life, and improved, and didn’t bother anyone, continue to mistreat me as someone who says something that tells a medical provider or pen pal that Im schizophrenic, and maybe that’s an interpretation of me that no one will ever come to accept to view the positive in who I was, if they are shown something negative, and maybe that’s a lesson in life, Im not learning until now, what the focus is, everything Ive done wrong, or everything Ive said viewed as not in favor of me or serving as the basis for decision making or punishment of me, not knowing me, or separating from people I knew, I can’t say there will ever be a time in the near future where I will not have remembered or suffered the consequences of law suit in a way, that isn’t rock bottom or falling so low in life that self harm ever resulted and maybe those are moments in life, Ive ever worked hard or struggled that now no one can help me with, and have matured in a way, that Im okay with being alone, and learning to accept in what ways my writing convinced anyone to hurt me or what for, or justified someones anger or hurt toward me in a way, that everyone should be represented except me, and who’s fault is that if I get sick and try to get help and get hurt again. Im not the one interpretation of voices or disclosure that’s tells a Judge or a medical professional that my “mental health” diagnosis should change to “offensive and inappropriate” and I don’t think it’s fair to force me to live life telling everyone something about me, that I wind up getting hurt, or even use a Judge to ignore me and tell me Im sick, any more or less of a lesson in life, or what I should accept. In the end Ive decided that well or recovered or after treatment or in therapy, or discussion of lawsuit or court isn’t the solution, until I am allowed time to reflect on my interpretation of voices, in a way that Im not made fun or made to experience a type of “illness” or “delusion” more having disclosed something that I hear that no one else can hear, and a knowledge that I have that no one else has, be accused of hurting anyone, or having a past I regret or interactions in life embarrassed by, I don’t think its possible to live life, when anyone is convincing everyone that Im disliked, or view voices as people I have harmed, or not allow me to take meds and not have voices like I am now. If the issue is why am I being sued, and if making fun of me for not identifying why Im being sued, and if things get worse, then whatever is going on, is beyond what court is rejecting me for or hurting my feelings over, and also not something that the public needs to be concerned about, or anyone audience wise. It simply means, Im being hurt and there is nothing I can do about it, Im being hurt and this person wont stop, Im  being hurt and there is no diagnosis or medical treatment or length of sobriety or necessity for support that I need to deal with being hurt, and there is no argument to make online to prevent me from being hurt. In the end if the interpretation is to view me as offensive, I cant disprove or prevent anyone from thinking that way toward me, I cant prevent dislike, and I cant prevent how voices or negative terms are interpreted, and I certainly don’t think a fan site getting worse makes me any more able to move forward in life, or expect me to show up in court, or to continue emailing or give up on myself, or suddenly mistake writing as forgetful or uneventful meaning derived from writing in public, in ever way Im losing is a game Im not winning, and in every way Im hurt in a permanent way, that cant be prevented or am too late to undo a harm towards me, then let that represent that kind of hurt I enduring or didn’t say enough things right to prevent being attacked by voices, didn’t improve enough to get to talk to anyone, didn’t argue well enough online to not be hurt, no amount of work online, was good enough to convince anyone of value of what peace is world peace, or continue to question my fears and reservations as things you mistreat me as seeking to prevent, when in the end, I can only do my best, I have not intended to hurt anyone, I am staying away from everyone for the rest of my life, I cant figure out court, I cant figure out what the attorney general wants, I cant afford an attorney, its too late for meetings, and therapy, and I just have to do my best. If I cant prevent myself from being harmed, and if my writing is used to harm me, then I really need to consider who I am writing for, if being sued has turned into a justice Im being excluded from, means to focus on myself, if things are getting worse, stay home and work on myself, and do my best. But I cant afford to take chances having my feelings hurt, being called things where no one thinks anything is a big deal, and make fun of my ability to help myself, or prevent voices. And maybe that’s a side against me in life, sought to justify itself by hurting me in public, and maybe the solution is to work harder, write more, do my best to share my story, not get sued stay away from everyone, not take chances stop addressing the judge and stop going to court stay home, figure out life, without getting hurt in a way that no woman should be hurt for any reason, or any experience or story in life, be used to hurt me or disadvantage me, let no innocence determine what should happen to me, or mistake me as strong enough to handle a death threat or continued suffering by voices, or wrongful accusation, its not me who need to defend myself or make light of times I was scared to death or threatened, its my job to improve and to not be hurt and scared to death and use any court or lawsuit to ruin my life or call me “mentally ill” and not allow me to work, write, improve, or recover. I don’t think any loss addressed can illustrate how seriously I take court, or make fun of what that means in terms of who I am, or who I love, whos been hurt, let down, disadvantaged, consider me some common denominator in anyone being brought down then accuse me of being subject to a system of bringing me down think its okay to misdiagnose me or blame me, is all the more reason why to be alone and stay away from everyone, I just don’t think the truth being told is going to be valued, if your using a system of measuring my life by everything Ive done wrong and give me voices, then allow me to do my best and keep track of everything disliked or every effort, that fails and get voices anyways, and also do my best to make sure no one is harmed, and not be misinterpreted as offensive, in the end its not the fear that’s rationalized its about what caused jail and court to begin with and Im not online to discuss that process or be made fun of in life for giving up or how or what that looks like, I think if your being beat up Im not imaging that, and if my lifes in danger Im not imaging that, if Im working hard and cant afford to look stupid, that’s how I look bad, and if the issue I identified that Im being fought with means I don’t have to keep up with disbelief, in every way I have ever been excluded or not allowed to live a normal life, is something court can figure out, all I have to do is focus on myself, not make mistakes, live life, continue moving forward and not offend anyone, be asked to leave, not get sick anywhere online or in public, and not ask for help from anyone, not go to the hospital, not make a big deal about a fan site, and not message or talk to anyone for the rest of my life, or email, if you aren’t reassured by “Attorney General” accessing my accounts, or the Judge having all my medical records, accept that maybe I cant fix what anger, unhappiness, voices, dislike, disrespect, insults, if you constantly use voices to justify a side to life you interpret me as not existing or being delusional, or consider me as noticing the wrong things, or interpret life wrong or my own contributions to life, as though Im in denial or shocking or unaware. I think in every way I could’ve been hurt, I have been hurt, no one will ever be close to me or know me well for the rest of my life, since suing me has served as an example to punish me in life, while diagnosis continues to make fun of me knowing OJ and telling me that Im nobody no one knows me or no one knows my story, the try to ruin my life, and make me lose, or fight me and make me lose, means to give up on whos fighting me, accept difficulty in stride and stay away from everyone. I think I am however this fan site intends for me to be in life, and Im sorry if any way Ive communicated for help if that didn’t impress anyone fighting me or expects to continue going to court, email, or stop writing, or continue hurting my feelings calling me “delusional” its not about what I believe or who Im working with, when I decide to be alone for the rest of my life, and it’s not about calling me things you accuse me of being that a diagnosis declares “schizophrenia” if that’s how the Judge wants to hurt me and tell me Im sick, Im not working hard to prove him wrong and Im not online in a different life aside from court any more important than court is, its all important.