Life isnt a rush, there is only so many ways you can be hurt in life, face devastation, be humiliated, teamed up on, misunderstood, be in court before things are too much or become difficult, and I can’t say that I ever intended to live a lesser life, or have lessor connections in life, or online doing well and improving in a place in life, I could be doing better elsewhere, I think Ive tried to accept where everyone is coming from, I recognize when Ive been punished, I recognize what the issues are and am dealing with in a mature way, Im managing a difficulty Im trying to keep private not expose everyone to watching me get hurt or see how Im being hurt or offended in life, and did my best to make a effort to respond to court, show up and be presentable, and continue to do my best in life, in the face of what the issues are, and continue to carry myself as respectful of the issues and doing my best, and also know when too much is too much, and when to say no, or believe in myself, defend myself, open up, speak more to the public, I am in control for how I function and how I manage my life and my mental health, and Im sorry to trouble anyone to an argument of everyone knowing me or loving me or using me or accepting me, and think at some point in time, I lost respect based on how I was treated in private, and maybe photos do more of a disservice than problems it proves or solves, I was never one to speak to an issue, or have experiences with prayer, vocal about my beliefs in life, and willing to share my insights along the way, I don’t think at this time any solution has been misunderstood, to explain why anything could not be working out, serving a purpose in life to tell me whats wrong with me, or explain whats gone wrong, continue to mistake me as not someone with a life, who works hard online to stay well, in court responsibly, or decide to punish me for everytime I get hurt or complain, its clear the issue is that I need to be alone, not love anyone, not move on, not model, never have sex again for the rest of my life, focus on my own identity, focus on politics, thinks what will make everything go right or be better, and not give up on my potential or ability to problem solve, or practice a system of helping others, that can be valued not be used or abused or result in voices, I think Im handling what voices means separately, from being bullied by a fan site, separately from my medical history, and ultimately being alone is the solution, for peace to take hold, I would never support everyone and come up with a system that’s working, if it could easily be broken, or reject me, or convince me Im delusional or mentally ill, I guess I never factored in struggling to be able to be well, not willing to accept what lawsuit means, in terms of what talking to a DA means, and maybe that aspect of who I am is mistaken for something else, you cant change your story, or what parts of it are used against you, but you can change your focus and not allow yourself to lose or be beat up based on whatever stories you have shared about life, in the end its about you, no one can convince everyone you are sick, or to hate you, reject you, or hurt you, not even a Judge would be so cruel as to allow that to happen to me, in the end its not about viewing my wellness as capable of a mental illness prevented by taking away meds to function, to argue for preference of me disabled off meds, and instead of not respecting how I was treated off adderrall, not make an issue of me not staying well, meds or not, I would prefer to focus on not getting sick again, and hope that by learning of me, not be hurt again, I think if you want solution and want things to work out, its important that I be on my own, I think everyone had their fair share at hurting at, or using lawsuits to scare me to death or make fun of me, and I don’t think its okay to live life treated in that way, I don’t need to be important to be known, and I don’t need to be injured to experiment with what can cause me suicide at a time like this, when Ive been honest its not me who’s forgotten my own health, or whats gone wrong for me, its about not needing help and working through my problems on my own and not giving up. I don’t think at any point in life you become stronger or more able to complain or say please don’t do this to me, or defend yourself, I think whatever is the issue it will keep happening again and again, I trust that I can be in control in myself, and know who I am what my demeanor is and value to society who I am being strong for, and who could possibly be stronger because of me, I don’t think we need to question the value of anyone, questioning my value, or allow anyone to mistreat me, and give me a hard time, over events, not in my control, try to blame me, in the end its up to me to prove my worth, and willingness to prevent, its not okay to convince everyone by any means of anything being my fault, or let the reactions and responses of others or view of my life, convince anyone that I cant lead myself let alone lead others, or am someone disabled by choice, or defensive, or get sick again, due to not listening, I think in many ways people have moved on and are well lead normal lives, and I don’t think at any point in time if Im hurt makes sense to anyone, and if you also include voices, I don’t consider that a battle, Im credited or writing a book about, mean anything in terms of where my head is at, what my limits is, judge my tolerance, be for me or against me, I didn’t misidentify issues on my Instagram or to medical professionals, its not my choice to be disabled, in all the ways I could have been helped continued to email and selfie improve do cardio, be treated, Im sure are in all the ways my image was destroyed or appeared to look worse off or aging, and Im sorry if for any reason my appearance was unsatisfactory or sobriety in question, I will continue to make an effort to not get voices, not fight voices, back off, focus on myself, be alone, give up battling anyone who is making me look bad or convincing anyone that Im sick, I only have one life to live and it may never be enough to explain all of life and all of what went wrong, but the more you convince me that I don’t matter, the more I am subjected to harsher treatment or get my feelings hurt, all the more reason to not be mistaken as someone who cries or hears “fight fight fight” a misdirected not altruistic unpatriotic sex joke, in the end its not about hurting me, and destroying my system of helping others, that’s been done, and I discontinued writing to my attorney and can discontinue to showing up to court and not talk to anyone, until its decided the cause for voices, what terms and insults are for and for whom, and figure out intelligently why should I be alive, focus on who I am, spare others the unnecessary distress of victimizing me or accusing me of disadvantaging anyone, and not allow myself to lose in any games in life, over who I am or who is me, or how I maintain wellness, make jokes over sexuality or instability, in the end, I know Im doing my best and being careful and not losing in life, careful on the issues, and have not lied, and work honestly, independently, and can write for as many days as it takes for things to get well again, but I don’t think it’s fair to convince me or others that Im mentally ill, and for there to be no moment of acceptance of clarity through treatment, sobriety, wellness, work, disclosure or effort.