If court or attorney general punishment or attorney or things going well isn’t good enough keep hurting me let me handle problems on my own report if necessary not make a game out of what people say or what happens to me accuse me of being sick or causing sick or making anyone sick cared for appear one way turn out to be something mean ugly or offensive …. I get the point of punishment taking meds away I’m aware of interpretation of self harm or voices …. I worked hard to not get voices wrote a lot to prevent getting hurt made fun of unstable hacked make fun of not knowing who hurt me keep making fun of how long it takes for me to prevent music from being harmed work in public if nothings good enough for the public world peace court job moving on AA presence issue think it’s okay to hurt me make fun of my memory or advisement then that’s the reality as observed by court but instead of making up a code or make fun of my story or honesty as unforgivable giving me problems and difficulties no one can solve including court email phone call or hospital or DA or attorney make things good enough to injure me blame me use everyone knowing me brainwashing me to forget my entire life two jobs two websites my life story high profile case etc isn’t about giving me a difficult or dangerous life no one can handle if that’s what’s thought by hate website then that’s what it does to reinforce voices if I don’t stay well need meds accuse me of having a diagnosis changed diagnosed condition unknown stopped identified or accused me being hurt rescinded care can handle being unfit for therapy or too late doesn’t mean to keep hurting me challenge a diagnosis definition change reject me injure me call me mean accuse me of being offensive or hurting men or women or lying doesn’t mean pushing me or some later time exists for me to be well handle mistakes or make fun of my own story ….. In the end it’s not about witnessing composed disabling me mistake help system works for me as something no one reads or garbage if it’s not good enough and I’m not cool bullied then that’s what people think I’m not imaging an issue or suffering in a way tolerable that makes excuse for tech or any connection period it’s not me who’s smart or who is stupid reject forms of help working hard to be accepted …. Misidentified self harm photography or companionship or witness love as something you accuse me of messing up taking for granted rejected by investigators not care what happens to me in the end let no news story or fake secret service agency convince anyone I’m cool again strong again united again in contact forget who I am imagine difficulty make fun of my experience with voices not call me an ungrateful coke head not inspirational encouraged …. Since no one accepts meds or ability there no explanation for voices self harm one done my best continue to force me to handle symptoms I either do or don’t have experience with not care not win by said harm or breakup in the end no one cares who I am or what’s helping or confuses being alone innocence ability or accuse me of being guilty make fun of treating me like I’m not human challenge me reject me I get the point to not move on my life’s too challenging difficult for the public I’ve been hurt in a way no one should be bothered by life goes on by whatever life means ….. no writing is good enough no disability is good enough no treatment is good enough no medical records good enough no loss good enough my story is too sad too shocking for the public’s comprehension and not material for AA …. Not giving me time to go to therapy constantly offend me force writing dealing with unhappiness anger instability chaos make noise jokes etc is whatever peace means to whoever is whatever means or explains my place in life. Instead of destroying me deleting everything and blaming me as having no potential class talent innocence care effort patriotism 9/11 aware attorney death aware or make fun of deleting everything and how hard I worked to be allowed to blog again ….. I didn’t change or can’t keep track of what’s not for distribution or reliant on stats I’m control privileged punished managing a condition or audience or unsure if I’m well make mistakes disappoint a bad comment joke or bullying joke ….. there’s nothing I can say that’s tough or good enough being convinced I’m mentally ill there’s nothing for everyone to read or follow be supported disabled accuse the issue of being suicide instead of valuing my story whoever decided to give me a hard time not careful accusatory of accuse my book ad being mentally illiterate destroying book copies and version isn’t about making me look stupid or Aurora or making things about me accuse me of being at fault insensitive to success winning unhelpful take money away like it’s no big deal or property ….. I don’t need to relive life explain life over again to be a hero or be helpful …. Whatever is a joke is not my issue not observation not my interpretation whoever I am because of whatever is whatever’s a joke to manage in the end instead accusing me of being helped not hard on me make me sick again ….. it shouldn’t matter refusing court or non attendance or hate website photo or any comprehension of code …. I didn’t help everyone let everyone down not cool with being called at …. I didn’t make a mistake sexually that makes me not loved or rejected if I’m not good enough for the judge or sober in treatment or work to l hard to prevent harm blocked hurt blocked talk it’s not me keeping track of who hurt me …..