It is true that you tend to remember everything that you’ve done wrong in life, and that could mean being haunted by your mistakes, make pride confidence and growing up occur in stages that hopefully you overcome at some point in adulthood that that the strides you make to be accepted by others and not bother anyone, is with the same respect valued that the information you provide is intended to help someone in higher standing notify them of your presence and say something positive and hopeful toward someone in different shoes in life. Maybe messages and politics and celebrities can be best supported like most solutions Ive found for speaking online out in the open, rather than be critical of any communications private, you can only be met and known once, just like impressions, you are either going to make it, or in my case, someone who is already treated as meets the world or gets sick sensitive has to start over, make the issue acceptance of me and now acceptance of others, I would never be in a position of privilege if I ever thought it meant why I can keep moving forward, we are each entitled to be protected by the powers that be, and maybe the concern is with who recovers or who does not critical of me complaining how come he is not punished and does this to me, and question why am I punished or be made to revisit in a public way what about my condition prior to being sued existed compared to what my condition was like after being served with a lawsuit, in the end it’s a condition with no solution, which I’ve offered insights into only once recalled looking up the definition of a new diagnosis hard to accept because of the challenge to adjust to the meds I was put on waking up frequently at night never seemed to change afterward. So I do respect that Im given chances to go to the hospital privileged to disclose big subjects Im concerned about make those important leaps of faiths to state that I care, so no one is interfering with that ability or ER punishing me or letting me go home a wellness I can control how I speak or what I have to say, to me functioning is either going to happen depending on everything else that everyone functions well by probably doing the right thing or doing more good things than bad, an attitude that can be read on your face or energy that can notify someone of there being something wrong with you or a heart rate or a timeliness or sense of rush stopped that I should experience to know whether I can be broken, or stuck somewhere, or comprehend what punishment means and how damaging it is to your life, self-esteem, future, job placements, earning capacity, trust, allowances, made to work to be given tuition to finish law school and right now privileged to be given money to pay for tuition for Barbri that costs thousands of dollars I don’t have which is money Im asking for not to be egotistical or prove Im well certain I can sit for the bar but in a place a therapist once asked with certainly why not why would I not be able to one day and was definitely in a place that no way I could memorize re learn everything take a 3 and a half day exam with a performance section which is creating legal documents with what you know, a positive take on for how many years I was forced to introduce myself and medical history or get doctors notes or take medical leave, withdraw, be dumped, hospitalized again, sent to rehab told “I sure like the sound of my own voice” made to sit in a circle do a knee to knee with my Dad to watch his reaction crying as I apologized and was forced to admit that I was alcoholic or taking meds as prescribed or with a boyfriend an addict or visited by Sydney Simpson and Tanya Brown mean I was supported or because of how I sounded taken off all meds, mean my ability to speak was offensive that I was insulted to my face, a rare experience or not some random thing in common I have issue with being proper for the judge appearing, not taking advantage of him, making the effort to say hey Im working hard and care about something serious, before something serious happen mean anyone knows whats happening and why who is directly connected to the subject, keep making fun of Brady telling me to “keep it general” it has come to a point in time, that the best way to help and the way I feel most confident to help is to state the topic sacrifice my entire blog or whatever it seemed to attract or performing or enduring without mention, take the risk even after losing followers and Cedar ER putting me on a 5150 hold with high blood pressure that needed to go down to be sent to a psychiatric center mean I was physically fit to be there mean I brought up a serious subject in the ER when asked how Im doing or what my concerns were that I considered to be punishment or accuse me of learning things to not say to be treated or go home, I always have to tell them exactly whats going on and that’s a decision that a doctor makes, not an experience you make fun of regarding crying sent to a new hospital shouted at mad dogged by a nurse not allowed to sit in the hallway mean a condition I had yet to overcome self harm happening when the nurse told me not to sit there hitting my head in front of him why I was dragged down the hall by multiple nurses and shot with a needle, and the one time a roommate was shouting and felt like she was mad at me shouting at me, told her to stop shouting at me, found out she was blinde in one eye, my mistake. That Was my first day in the group room, stop shouting at me, and because I was shot in the butt with a needle, pants pulled down, I didn’t get a meal pass to the other building I was just glad I made it past crying punished for calling Todd Spitzer everyday to tell him about the hospital or attending groups and being social or reading a book my sister gave me, “The Body Keeps the Score” with a controversial ending, a physician who openly talks about his patients and inappropriate sex, means reading the entire book and everyone wanted to read the book I was reading became a book I would not recommend, after reading the ending, I don’t think I finished the book, but we shared all the saved pages I dog eared were written down, I think I know what recovery and being well is about and know automatically what being a patient means usually everyone is nice to me glad if I attend a group, first time I always attended group, Im usually asleep the whole time, so Ive improved, and was lucky to be given 1 vyvanse a day in a psych ward, mean Im ever socially comfortable its always a challenge and Im sure Im responsible for those challenges, and will always make the effort to get along with others not worry anyone, not be offended by anyone, take responsibility for being a blogger and coming from a big story, and stay sober, Im not alcoholic or taking chances with my health dying or causing problems to President Trump or POTUS or Kamala Harris, I once called Attorney General Harris after 10 years of brainstorming and corresponding working online, that I called her because her name sounds like the Attorney’s name who sued me and introduced myself Im not sure of whether I heard she was going to be nominated, but told her “that we needed her” a secret special experience at 7/11 around the time in my red nike zip up made acting videos where I bought cigarettes, about me taking risks or losing an ability to help or inspire others or try to prevent them from being harmed by avoidable concerns and climate concerns subject wise online, or in a a place legally Im on the road to jail or punishment, someone trusted or offensive or an example of someone who had it all lost everything said something unforgiveable to make everyone not care afraid what everyone hates me or discuss interpretations of what voices could mean “one ex back” accuse me of rejecting or not putting out or discontinuing sex as whats offensive to men who select me, about my potential or theirs, both hearts matter, its being critical of when I did well online and my review of what makes someone popular I said “they can tell who is going to make it” meaning the followers who turn accounts into 1 million viewed isn’t a mistake when everything they write is liked, or mean Im not mistake proof mean Im not looking out for Kylie Cosmetics when a dripping lip matches the dripping lip of Barack Obama painted as the Joker on Wilshire something I took down offended by accuse me of hurting an art group who tweeted back insulting me not pieces of a poster I trashed or didn’t keep I submitted that poster to the Federal Building across the street, because in another State there was a mass shooting in Aurora, therefore my photos kept and displayed on my website 2013 of the torn off pieces of the poster street art became among other things how connected, its not about me being mobile when others are on TV in distress mean Im speaking code or interpreting life as fitting together ungrateful of how successful my family was among other families respected and popular in school or a beautiful home I lost, or accuse me of not being cute or overweight, memorializing a soccer photo that didn’t represent I was a great soccer player a size 4 or 6 had the face later in life I had in middle school and high school, a yearbook you accuse me of being hurt by and think voices bullying is how you treat someone like me or use shootings or mass shootings as a system of bullying me that introduces a concept of accusing me of being on the wrong teams in life, or not preventative accuse me of being fought or a source of offense or someone with no social skills trying to be something they don’t have experience with, if I became successful online it’s because I had a great childhood and great high school experience, the years I gained weight I got a training I used to run around the neighborhood and go to two soccer practices, being bigger or accuse me of learning weight loss too late. With love is everyone knows you no one takes you seriously, they turn you into every difficulty anyone else has encountered to challenge your cares like Jonah Hill leaving a meeting early and Ive met him before friends on Facebook could have run after him to see whats wrong, about me fitting in or going through something difficult unlike the privacy interests of someone admired nominated for an Academy Award about accusing me of having done something wrong, like the poster, or sharing on Twitter, seen or not seen, in law school, discontinued, excelling or about contesting whether Im able to help to accuse me of being disabled or able to travel or visit SCOTUS in a condition post school shootings, that means I know how to help or that being there was to get help, I think you are places in life, you reflect on where you are, whats going wrong for you in life, and either you can fix yourself and figure out how to help others, but never change my story to bring up what everyone or anyone was like, second guess my study habits or work ethic or knowledge of politics about me not knowing Barack Obama was special when my Dad was the one who introduced me told me to hear him speak hes never heard anything like him before, someone I contacted from West Hollywood going into Law School someone who is expected to know what to do, when you have your dream job, dream apartment, friends, perfect law school applications, make a big deal about my car on youtube a Hillary Clinton joke, me insensitive in telling me story to someone I reconnected with or the loss of a Presidential inventor of the bypass surgery a death that tells me something wrong with my life I don’t belong, I think getting the newspaper everyday saw the big articles and had it framed at Allen Jefferies and its still on his wall today, at the time it seemed extravagant but please trust the process of people doing well, winning elections, everything is going well, mistake time standing still or trauma, as though its some universe capable of being controlled or mobilizing the wrong people in life you consider me to be one of them punish me for traveling.

The best way to be known by politicians or fit to work or meet anyone of importance would be to not let anyone down counting on me to stay well not be too late, not come across as insulting or coding, and learn from my mistakes early on website building and all the tampering however shocking I cant change how people see life happening, its just my job to live life and figure out how to help not focused on whos winning, consider anyone hurting me, or misinterpret 2013 as a time period or court or moment in time it was ever easy to figure out prevention or took too long and got broken online, so Im accepting that now seems still, difficult, traumatizing, just like being in court without the necessity of writing in public made fun for how I overcame feeling suicidal last time nude photos were shared, write from home, not travel, share my timeline, and get moving in a way, others can lighten up, accept all the ways I can be criticized along the way, or change support to money or jealously or fitness, its about me presenting paying thousands of dollars to be a company incorporating a hashtag “blogging campaign” and my flyers, not using Legal Zoom or gambling, destructive, or Attorney dependent or not able to speak in court, make mistakes.

The best way to show that Im okay, things are going to get better, although there is trauma, the police are doing a great job, not any one of us less of a soldier or not doing what is right, I can accept not being able to stay well is my challenge, writing books become efforts or ways to test my wellness and realizations and maybe change or alcohol or discussion of whats offensive is to not be punished over a word called delusion, but do a better job  of making sure no one is harmed, by being more open about punishment or voices or court, is in no ones hands, the best way I can prove innocence or make sure the DA suing me isn’t harmed or offended by me, given access to all my medical providers and treatment centers, critical of him managing a crisis, not accuse me of speaking to a DA or politician or POTUS or calling 911 to discuss non sense, maybe that’s my life for me to live that’s hard to understand, Ive tried not calling, not texting, putting forward the effort to handle all phases of instability and in the end maybe its not being allowed to talk to anyone is the issue.

Until its figured out whats in my control or a wellness, or a sickness, or accuse me of giving up or being hurtful when I am taking seriously what court and diagnosis means, or apparent disability if Im not better and not good enough or have a diagnosis true or untrue its not me who cannot be loved had chances in a more difficult life doing well in court or messing up accuse me of using drugs or alcohol or having sex trashing my life, is not about me reconnecting with an ex who is liked by everyone saw my family the lawsuit or getting 2 jobs, what I need to “be strong” through, its handling life on my own, not bothering anyone, and being confident in what prevention means to me, and not a tall tale of secrets or things you consider defective about my story insulted by what any photos communicates, Im doing my best.