The lesson on being hurt is whether I deserve to be me and how I function with others always comparing my state of mind or face insulted by lack of improvement that must be a new standard of judging my love as delusional try to replicate elsewhere in difficulty or accuse me of not being loving I think in all the ways everyone’s at peace should I ever suffer is if I get hurt can’t manage talking to multiple people and lose options in life end up alone as punishment to revisit the word cheating or question my identity and mindfulness or sense of peace, I guess I have no explanation for when if ever I complained I wrote a book on twitter published that book I’m sure there were later representations of me that made me look unsophisticated undeserving careless chaotic or use of caps lock offensive to anyone of value or not recognizing everyone’s story as special. 

Its my fault for focusing more on taking responsibility for any diagnosis stay well it’s next to impossible to stay well once there are people against you is how voices are perceived to be people from your life your accused of offending and see whether you are someone who is wrong can or cannot live with their mistakes or prove themselves again start over. Everyone has a lesson to teach everyone is smart it’s my fault for mentioning at what points anyone was angry toward me and maybe those moments went solved and by sharing that could have meant I’ve lost track of what’s in me from me or accuse me as coming from another’s words not in control of what happens to me. It’s clear words are permanent and wrongfully accuse me of being a pervert of pedophile put that online and say I’m not trustworthy. So although this person may love me I’m the one who recognized it didn’t bother anyone because he looked like he was telling the truth doing a public service I did my best to share my interpretations but instead the joke is about what I convince others of what others can tell what conversations have been read act like I don’t see others as gifted or speak and make up things it’s what I believe in and maybe a test of my beliefs means taking everything away punishing me teaming up on me ignoring me and no one can solve self harm voices or schizophrenia I’m sure it turned into a joke about me being sick and accuse me of not knowing way or deflecting blame or can’t recognize when everyone’s nice over it it’s not a condition I’m purposefully messing up I think there are only so many ways you can give up and it’s clear none of my emails writing or book writing mattered because no one saw me as improved when I could handle being hurt exposed watched and blamed and maybe it’s ok no one believes me I never tried to be known get hurt or treat me as a failure or accusatory or victimized like I’m trying to outsmart any system or critical of help the issue is what’s hurting me when everyone got what they wanted is his misunderstanding of recovery being frozen disabled I can barely walk I feel heavy I lose focus I respond to every text and I’m not insulted by his help and enthusiasm I’m just sad I keep getting punished and work hard and helped in ways everyone’s pretending to encourage me like schizophrenia or gay is the secret or anything anyone is okay with or abuse my love and innocence so I never am well again can date is me accepting being accused of being offensive it’s not that I can’t take a photo don’t love myself it’s that he keeps showing photos collecting photos and hurts me anyways and I’m not being difficult towards anyone’s way of life and what they see it’s almost like being called something convincing me I’m mentally ill is the game I’m losing in life and giving up on voices means I can accept no one respects me I can accept if I’m not trusted I can accept bad things said but ultimately it’s not safe for me to discuss mental health if I keep being hurt treated as disabled or things I’m not. I’m sure everyone gave up after I swallowed pills it’s no ones fault what my limit is I think he can keep going he won his battle on getting proof I’m offensive or mean and that makes him look innocent no one comprehends in what way if I’m seen I get beaten up called offensive and I can’t decide what photos are for to prove what’s smart or appropriate.