I’m in a place right now where I’m going through difficulties that don’t need to be brought up in the face of losses, I’m in control of my own life I can decide earn respect be a source of inspiration prove my innocence be of value maintain rapport and make sure things go right in terms of shootings and the direction chosen by those who decide who’s famous or not famous let alone at fault or blame victimization or hate site as presenting an energy of there being something wrong with me sensed or created elsewhere online for study that’s changed a few opinions of me or how I look to others. I can’t control what people believe or think at this point I’m responsible for myself my life my story my blogs my career my progress my future my legal troubles my mental health my sobriety and maybe will have to deal with what people think of me for the rest of my life and have the judgment be based on the level of peace or progress made in terms of my cares or what I’ve been through represent or think that my privacy is a place to judge me requiring constant explanation in public for verification of honesty care and positive contribution. Let no loss not be considered as affecting me whether other committed suicide whether you recognize my story as inspirational whether you think a hate website deserves to make me look bad and blame me all I can control is myself and do my best no matter what confusion, fear, upsets, conspiracy, attitudes, how things look to others, my story isn’t changing and doesn’t make blogging any easier when you decode to cast a shadow of doubt or blame ridicule me or try to make me uncool or unfit if I was cited to helped then that’s when that occurred if now someone’s deciding for everyone to think less of me or hate me or think I’m mentally ill then that’s what I’m going through right now and will probably have to focus on what’s he’s doing to me and avoid mental health issues and suicide or self harm at all costs and that I can’t promise to anyone a solution for pretending I don’t exist, blaming me for things not in my control, using my story against me, elevating issues to higher and higher and higher blood pressure discomfort or anger it will never be enough to someone who sees an image and thinks that of me and I will never be good enough or human enough to dispel doubt earn my stripes be respected or helped in life if that’s the privilege causing anger toward and and sought to be destroyed whether I’m protected or not or credited for blog analysis and prevention efforts that I can’t prove to anyone is no secret is not my fault and is no excuse for any diagnosis what he says or what anyone thinks ultimately my goal in being helped and speaking to an investigator in Texas is to not be harmed, make sure others are not harmed, get the hate website down, deal with voices and my image tainted if hurt or reputation affected, speak to fears, address everyone relating to me or him stealing all my fans and support or relating to him that I can’t control who you see as innocent or how your misreading things he says to not see me as innocent I can’t change what’s good enough for you what I see in myself doesn’t matter what anyone sees in me doesn’t matter and I’m doing my best so long as I take my life seriously my story isn’t changing I am doing the work I am working toward prevention and let no voices or hate website or suicide serve as an excuse for telling me what I’ve done wrong in life!