I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to describe a battle with voices, without anyone losing or becoming upset, however created, and to me it’s a sensitive subject based on how or why hurtful terms are used, and doing my best to figure out the triggers and causes for the use of hurtful terms, and do my best to not be confused for something I’m not, i.e. not be viewed as inappropriate or offensive. The problem with the definition of schizophrenia is that it suggests that someone is mentally ill, or not smart, or suffering from something that doesn’t exist, who is not famous, or thinks they are famous, who is not a top blogger, and grew up close to The Simpson family which is not a delusion, to be connected to a high profile case, or suddenly now at 39, because the Kardashians are successful and billionaires, that I should fail to make a good impression or be likewise regarded in the positive, having come a long way myself. To me a down position, whether caused by a fan site, or negative terms, is a problem you face whether discussed or not that makes you feel bad about yourself, it makes you feel like giving up, it makes you isolate, it ruins relationships, it can inhibit your ability to move forward, it can cause self-harm, or hospitalization, there is no imagining what it feels like for anyone (voices existing or not existing proven scientifically or not considered an actual occurrence of scientific value with no cure) is clearly a struggle, that’s hard to describe or maintain support in life, if people think less of you, or to allow for the permanency of words to hurt your identity or be used to dislike you or not like the way you look, or judge you for mental health issues, and that’s a whole new subject, aside from my medical records or history of hospitalization in which I never suffered from voices or bullying, so it’s really hard for me to go through something at 39, and do my best to stay level headed and stay well and be able to describe things in a way, that does not incite violence or anger toward me or blame. I think its next to impossible to live life or blog if you are found to be offensive or inappropriate, it’s like why read if a person is being judged as someone who doesn’t care or is delusion or hallucinates, to me the definition of schizophrenia, doesn’t credit me for 39 years of life, and has decided to be done with me, and convinces others to be done with me or frustrated by me, or unhappy by me, or not satisfied with my progress, or solutions found through writing. To me when you are viewed in the negative and rumor is spread, its to make people not care about you, it causes an internal conflict which is hard to describe, how you’ve been hurt, and the potential for that hurt to get worse, the more people come to believe anything is your fault, or think it’s okay to blame you for your story or memory or how you talk about life, and have decided to help over the years, isn’t an easy subject or a coming forward not for solution or personal gain or benefit. I think a hero is someone who makes people feel better, rest assured that things are going to work out, who is strong in a way, that they are able to withstand conflicts and get through things figure out how to speak and make things better, without being in danger, presented with dangers, or experiencing symptoms or mental health issues, that cause distrust or anger or resentment toward the writer or the author for solution to problems identified. I think in terms of memberships and group goals, what I can take from being put in lower positions in life or made to feel scared, insecure, intimidated, or hurt by others, or by use of court, is up to me to stay well and to prove that I am well, and don’t belong in lesser positions in life, or don’t deserve to live disabled or be taken off meds, and prove that I am not to blame by telling my story, and continue to support a theory of prevention that very much includes me as apart of that process of empowering others and making others stronger, not have experiences in life hard to talk about or worrisome. I think in all important roles in life, reporting or correspondence is apart of the job of figuring out how to help others and minimize risk to self and others, and that its important to ask questions, and be given permission to help, and to actually have those talks out loud, this is happened, and I want to help, this is who I am, and Im a blogger, and this is my campaign, these are the memberships I have, these are the jobs I have had, and this is how I plan to help. I think being fought isn’t the solution for determining causes, and only tells me that Im not needed or shouldn’t be online, or don’t have to write, and publish books and help others. I think negative terms are discouraging, hard to accommodate, I think being able to blog and speak online, is a helpful strategy for being watched or hacked by people who can’t speak, who are watching you write, with expectation that you speak in representation of voices or people no matter who you are or what your symptoms are, are all ways you can be tested in life, as a human being and unfortunately there are no meds, for tech or blogging, or unwanted views, or ways to fix mental health, other than to stay well, and tell your story and hope for compassion. I think bullying is a tough subject, it means people think they are bigger than you, they consider fighting you empowering, they expect for the creation of a person that deserves to be fought or disrespected, and they do not considered your resiliency or strength as reassuring or positive progress. I think people who consider bullying doing a justice for what they think you’ve done wrong in life, will not be happy by improvement, and think that it’s okay to treat a human being as guilty, as though one who is honest about mental health, should experience mental illness, to justify use of a diagnosis, or support a negative viewpoint of someone as being stupid, or at fault, or sick, or doesn’t care, or isn’t who they say they are, or wrong, or hurtful, and all the ways that disbelief can occur, are all the ways that I can be harmed, and all the ways that voices can be produced, represent all the ways my solution for voices is failing, or illustrates that a solution must be written to prevent that type of symptom, which can only occur through writing and therapy not fighting. I think its important to appear well, work, be feminine, not have sex, not model, keep to myself, and work hard to stay sober, because if Im being fought or look bad, voices, will only get worse, if they dislike me, see an image as permission to think less of me, the possibilities are endless for not being viewed as cool or less than, and it’s hard to prove your worth, if people think you are small, or not innocent, or someone who is going to get loud, or be wrong, or stupid, or obnoxious, or thinks that you are just going to wake up one day, like everything is okay, not believe in the years that it takes to get well and stay well, and the disbelief in finding solutions for voices, or be credited for not allowing a chaos to ensue to or difficulty be faced mentally by anyone else other than myself, is what working hard is for through writing, to prevent voices, is a chaos created, whether disabling me, or produced by another, that requires a response from me, or action or report to an emergency official, to be aware of what Im enduing as a blogger, and that’s how to prevent an emergency or chaos or psychosis.