Making the transition to working full time was not an easy start barely a week sober exhausted from all the letters and emails I sent trying to figure out what’s wrong including taking the time in therapy to take a step back and work on myself figure out my own feelings and emotions reflect on what I’m enduring that’s not been easy but never a life I would openly complain about it burden anyone to care for or know me a tough subject. I think mental health is something about you you can either work and tell them nothing or work and tell them everything and it’s always advised to not tell your employer too much detail about you but based on the difficulty mentally to just start a new job, staying sober, self harming, sharing on Instagram, battling voices, maybe it’s nothing I can figure out if I’m viewed as complaining or not achieving contributing participating I wonder what the causes are for any upset directed toward me in the end I can only follow my heart and go by what feels right and given the difficulty of ever I’ve endured mentally or physically those were good times to take a break from blogging, in the end maybe I don’t have the endurance to do it all blog and work full time but I’m trying. I worked hard to get this job I went to law school I’ve worked hard my whole life to get a full time paid position and it finally happened for me and maybe crying hysterically doesn’t make sense to anyone who is not happy for me a milestone in life well deserved. I feel like I earned the opportunity to work doing my best and blogging and going through life in a way I do my best and am there for others to explain how to help in the event of complication demonstrate who to report it and a good example of someone who improves going to the ER or being treated. That’s not a heavy subject a heavy subject is disappointment a heavy subject is being sued a heavy subject is not being viewed as well a heavy subject is suicide self harm voices and mental health and I’ve never not explained it been open about it forewarn others provide solution and never in my life would I think that me struggling in life becomes about anyone else. In the end it’s not about others this is your life be considerate speak honestly and maybe people won’t believe in you maybe you won’t make it maybe I won’t function or perform or get sick of not be able but so long as I’m able to work I’m going to do my very best to work the rest of life is up for debate at this point in terms of voices neither my mental illness suffering face dysmorphia or use of tech without fear of hacking could not be respected in a way or analytics to come to mean that I don’t come across as offensive that I’m a gentle person detail oriented soft spoken shy keep to myself works hard and not looking for a fight and with voices sometimes you lose if people don’t believe in you who else should you become but someone who sounds mentally ill or should not be loved or is a painful suicide story or another example of someone giving up in life I think I’ve lived long enough and taken meds for 12 years to show that I do have acceptance for disability I don’t have problems with others I can forgive myself for any street ways of knowing or making fun of people in life is whatever it means to whoever finds humor in disrespect or not impressed or not good enough refined unrefined I think when I get hurt and describe that hurt it hurts me and hurts anyone to hear what I’m going through in life and symptoms are not about others I’ve lived a good life a provider wrote quotes spent many years well and maybe it’s because I’m being paid to work is triggering voices to take me away from my job or blog or love or dating or respect or life and I’m not the creator of situations of separation or defeat or difficulty I think I’ve included the whole world every step of the way trying to solve whatever it is I’m trying to solve and I’m hoping to simply agree to disagree on what the cure it solution is for schizophrenia and to please not undermine I’m working full time and fully disclose my entire life struggle and why I deserve to have a job. Maybe my instagram doesn’t reflect content for anyone to feel helped maybe because I’ve not published my books yet I’m challenged in all the ways I’ve demonstrated organization and I’m sure the way I get hurt is no one’s fault and blowing up and hysterically crying is what it’s about the experience of voices and not allowed to feel good be happy move forward live a normal life and I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m treated that way by voices how it’s interfered with my first week of work I have discontinued talking to most people including people who’ve caused me much illness and self harm as exposed disrespected causing voices negative toward me and do everything in my power to stay well it’s not anyone’s job to make me sick then accuse me of getting sick or make a big deal about an investigator in the end it’s my life it’s my health if I’m being pressured to do things I don’t want to do with someone who calls me names and hurts me on purpose maybe that’s his plan to cause me dysfunction stress so I explode or fail and that’s what I’m challenged by in life.