Although not believed I never had voices in at least the majority of my hospitalizations it wasn’t until 2021, that I was suffering from self-harm voices, and would have to go to the hospital. There are many ways to live life and start over, and punishment and disability are two completely separate things in life, and if I know myself and the causes for hearing terms hurtful then its because of a fan site ridiculing me, no matter what any lawsuit is about, is not okay, to put me down in life, or take meds away and force me to live life obese and off day meds not able to work, and we have tried everyones way of deciding for me how I should be treated, and once I am no longer apart of those conversations I begin to wonder, what is so disabled about me, and in what way am I being hurt in public, and through disclosure subjected to harm or bullying. I would say in the 12 years of writing online, I have never had a problem with anyone, no bad energy, working hard, growing my following figuring out websites blogging how to monetize and feel like I have been living by the same system for many years now, writing quotes, writing books, publishing books, creating Instagrams, having difficulty transitioning to a life coach, Ive considered that option, many of the decisions that are made for you, is when you are not well, not in a good place mentally to make decisions for yourself or others, and that’s how punishment or lawsuit affects how you are treated in life, instead of respecting your disability or credit your ability to overcome losses like my JD, or comprehend losing loved ones over the years, are all of lifes experiences that make me who I am today, it wouldn’t make sense to write in public, if I didn’t believe that it was more important to become a writer and earn a following, to be offered jobs, and having a positive skill set and success is that something about you that’s hireability, makes you competent, responsible, handling life, respectful, not breaking any laws, not being street, not being dishonest, not blocking anyone, not blaming anyone, not allowing yourself to be changed from access to analytics, to punishment after lawsuit take away access to analytics, so I cant tell how big my audience is or who is reading, those things were important to me and is information shared, to let others know what people like and be someone online who is working hard and for what I have to be of value to anyone elses system of being liked and being supportive, no matter the issue, high or low, life puts you where you need to be.

After lawsuit all I have to do is improve and discontinue talking to people, go to therapy, attend AA meetings, stay sober, attend court, stay out of trouble, can’t date, keep to myself, and work hard, its really not about making myself look good, while someone is making me look bad, that’s not a secret past that needs to be disclosed to work, but in the middle of any suffering, Im not one to not report or call 911 for help, doing my best to not self-harm, be pushed to limits in life by any extreme use of “me too” decide that lawsuits give people permission to be hard on me, threaten me and get away with it, publish very abusive and untrue websites about me, its not something that you can change, when someone makes you look stupid, so you are not respected that’s not your fault, and no lawsuit gives anyone permission to victimize me, or claim victim to me, is not what blogging is for, being hurt or anyone else being hurt, I think its clear when I set boundaries and fight back, those are points of controversy and allegations taken seriously, in a way that anyone decides to punish me for conditions I don’t have, Im not criminal, I always tell the truth, I don’t drink or do drugs, Im honest about lawsuits, self-harm, and voices, and clear on my distress with the application of “me too” request for it to not be applied to me, to allow me to be given some form of work and purpose in life, in a skill that Im good at, blogging, its not fair to take away my blogs or my job, and affect my purpose in life, and what Im able to do, isn’t a justice to disable me and voices are not caused by adderrall, it really has something to do with proving privately or publicly create issues of concern and distrust, to which Im hurt as though I don’t represent the right way to live life, and that’s not fair to me, to be disrespected, or compared, given a hard time, Ive worked very hard to be a successful blogger and working my way up to earn the right to publish a book, and in a good place in life, or at least I thought getting a really nice job at a very big law firm, unfortunately could not solve, the fan site being up, financial pressure at home, being hired, voices on breaks at work, working through a system created of bothering me to accuse me of having a poor temperament when you decide to characterize me by words, who is in control of how Im treated, who is control of keeping myself well from day to day, I am responsible for that, therefore no matter whether you are educated experienced report, work, its really not fair to make fun of texts or instability or there being something wrong with me that I cant fix, I didn’t do that to myself, Im not too late, Im working hard and look young, take good care of myself, and that’s not for sex, I consider modeling, a form of expression of who I am, deserving of love, and maybe who I am conservative and don’t show my body, is confusion over the terms whats true, whats deserved, whos at fault, whats the issue, whats the code, who is representing issues, whos been hurt, who is the role model, who deserves a job, what is fraud, who is real, who is taking short cuts, who is punished, you know when you put people in the hands of people and tell them terrible things about me, that’s going to make people angry at me, whether they know me or don’t know me, and its not me that’s offensive or gets angry, and whether I drink or email, or disclose how painful the experience of voices has been, there is nothing that can take back those years lost disabled in treatment stuck in bed because self-harm voices.