Why do people give up? Why do appearances matter. What is your reputation for. Why should people know you, what does knowing you do or enable others to do with your work and philosophies in life. To me you can do so much work and still be hurt, and although its not the end of the world to start over, and while the ER and hospital cant solve every emergency or call the Sheriff, or email system, or anyone period, the goal is to figure out why are you losing your health, to what extremes are you being harmed and on what basis, is there a motivation sought to be proven, in regards to your stats or well being, that not doing well is the solution, or create circumstances in which “mental illness” fame status story and celebrity is being used against you based on what you career objectives are or writing objectives are through publishing a book.

Hopefully your life isn’t over before it’s begun. I’ve never viewed the value in bullying, ever since it became a way in which I was made to self harm and hurt myself, to me that’s not why I put on meds, or lost weight, that doesn’t tell my story, that’s no how my life was lived, threatened, or watched, cool, or not cool, living in a sphere, that needed to be told on or reported or unfit to live alone or stay well, maybe I cant explain how you can just look at a person and be displeased or think that there is something wrong with them, and Im sorry my intelligence is not good enough to be left alone, or to not question me, or try to catch me, or watch me fail, team up against me, or make racist innuendos regarding systems of abuse as it relates to how a shooter is made, consider that by using my story and abusing me and taking money away, you think that punishing me is going to explain racism or how a shooter is made, taking a visible public figure with no history or violence or fighting, and trying to make me look racist, angry, sexual, a reject, mentally ill, sued, forced into treatments, and expect me to give up on myself, or what Im talking about, or figuring out whats wrong with me and how I can best live my life, so that I am not attacked, or dissed, or made fun of, that’s not what Im alive for setting a standard and then accuse me of being intimidated or threatened by anyone else or confuse what is said to mean anything has to do with anything about me, Im not self-centered, and I have respect for public speakers, and have difficulty telling my own story. I think its almost become a joke, to learn personal details about myself or my family, and its uncontrollable all the ways Im made to feel disrespected or hurt or scared to death, not allowed to live life, constantly using men or women or interactions or race to bring me down in life, or court.

That’s not the solution, to make up some excuse for follower loss, its plain and simple, I was hurt, I did my best, I spoke up, and everyone left, and in whatever order I was watched or bullied or injured or proven sick, you know there is no going back in life, once you decide to make life lived in this way. With dislike, my life goes from, contact, emails, love, reports, forgiveness, peace, listening to music, to not watching TV, not listening to music, not traveling, not exercising, not working, constantly perturbed by the use of words as it relates to my story and Im sorry Im not willing to lose in terms of accusing me of being sick, writing online, calling my work unnecessary, giving me problems, blaming me, bringing up constantly every issue while trying to hurt me or blame me, in the end Ive done my best and maybe I cant remember my way back to normal or get to love again or fit to appear in court or have a job, and maybe its because of the life Ive lived is not respected and instead of trusting me sought to expose and open me, and pour things out, put me on substances, interrogate me, use me, make fun of me, its next to impossible to continue to be expected to pretend like everything is okay when there is dislike means you don’t want me to do anything, have anything, be alive, you don’t see what I see, you don’t believe me, you wont quit, no one feels like they are winning, theres no later happening of resolution, everyone feels entitled to being pissed off and angry and hard on others, and in the end I don’t have a solution for that type of attitude in life. I know that I haven’t give up, Im still smart, Im doing my best, I chose to not fight voices, Im doing my best with a hate website up, and I don’t have the time and energy to get hurt or subject everyone I know to getting hurt or looking stupid. I reserve the right to fight back no matter how ugly it looks, its my life, I deserve to live free of harassment and bullying, and I don’t deserve to be in court or be hurt.