Whenever a momentum is lost or group conscious required to feel good and go by one another delightfully without repercussion or negative judgment, that’s how you know that you are human or whats too late. Sometimes there must be a break in character, a change in perception, a dulling of circumstances, a heightening of interest, or intelligence, for someone to feel smart, and it’s a shame to what extents people will go to feel smart, at the expense of making others feel bad. What is smart? Is smart an ability, is smart a power that can be abused, or subject others to torment, or dysfunction, what does having an ability enable.

To me having an ability enables others to think for themselves. Have their own viewpoints, a built upon interest in surviving and thriving, and a sense of being that cannot be broken down, or convinced otherwise of hardship or not making the most of what life they do have. To me mental health is a constant test, a breaking down of your thoughts and feelings and constant reassessment of how you are feeling, behaving, speaking, not to mention how you are viewed by others, observed. In the grand scheme of things there is no well known conspiracy in life that completely explains how life has evolved, or person responsible for how people have adapted to the life they were given, to be stuck in a constant stream of negativity and hardship, would be to disallow certain people, depending on diagnosis, for being able to experience life to its fullest, not have to sit out or be disabled, and that’s something that Im going through right now, having just lost my first full time paid position in law.

I wonder how am I doing compared to others, how does the world look to everyone, who am I compared to who others are, is what Im doing and saying of value, and how is what Im doing and saying going to improve my life and take me places in life, or how am I struggling, or made to struggle to be defeated, dysfunction, stalled, freeze, shout, be disorganized, or fumble.

To me life is about being in the flow of things its about how everyone feels, reading a room, being read in a room, and your ability to adapt and to adjust to your circumstances, whether everyone knows what you are thinking, or does not know what you are thinking, not everyone needs to be pushed and exposed or to explode to speak or to know whats deep within a person, sometimes what you pry for doesn’t exist and that’s how a person is hurt and made to appear in the exact opposite of who they are in representation of what others have said, and to me that’s giving up in life, which is worse that suicide or medications or diagnosis, its letting a person or a force decide for you to not allow you to live life, and to me that’s negativity, and its impact.

The best way forward, like companionship, or marriage, or friendship, or support, is people who you have clarity with, surrounding yourself with people, you can give you clarity when you need it, and who represent you well, as a person who gets attacked and bullied, its so important for me to keep to myself not bother anyone, stay away from everyone, and maybe that’s a new life that I have come to accept a result of getting bullied given bad diagnosis misdiagnosed, there is a consequence to rumor that’s called pain and hardship, unnecessary detriment and negative judgment. Which I don’t believe any side, story, or life, demands a life to be ended for life to thrive.