Today I had court, after spending the night in the ER spoke to the Sheriff was self-harming and punching my head and had to report voices, which after repeated attempts and several years of treatment has become an unbelievable consequence of talking about my mental health or knowing me and knowing how to hurt me, and in the end I just want to focus on what it means to hear voices and how that makes you look and what would cause a person to give up, have low blood pressure, “fight for their life,” be put in emergency, unstable, cant get back to normal, put in a stage of delusion or focus on hurtful terms causing one sickness, so its not just reporting the terms or a hate website, is worth anyones satisfaction or some predictable point of losing control of my health and hitting my head as a repercussion of being hit by voices, after they go away, or come back unexpectedly, I will always continue to wonder how many times should it be called this or that or need this or that or question the functioning of what voices are and however created, an experiment of repetition, or study, or creation, or something seen and happening again, whatever is the test in life, Im a firm believer in my own innocence and ability to overcome, whether those words are true and hurtful to me or anyone, I am doing my best to be trusted, both proper in private and in public, on messenger, or by text, and now firmly keeping sober based on my present suffering and hardship following job loss, and the amount of complication that is incurable condition that persists and wont go away to make fun of hearing me say hurtful terms accuse a voice as coming from me or reflecting a sex problem wrongfully accuse me of having a problem with men or women, to me voices is something that’s accusing you and the only way for it to go away, is to get treatment, do your best, be honest, stay home, don’t go out, stay away from others, discontinue public appearances, job, blog, or emails in the event of suffering you need to get well to have the confidence to perform again, no matter how many stages of illness you encounter along the way, that’s not the disappointment or truth. Even if I built two websites, its unfortunate that through my honesty Ive not been accepted, or included as a person protected by law who lets everyone know to not hurt a person, its true being online is dangerous, but if you say something wrong and are hated, and if you haver to say words so many times until its permanent, in the end my fate, destination, innocence, legal standing, life expectancy, matching, or job hireability, or book publishing success, or going to coding school learing web development, I maybe have not made it clear that Im trying to be something Im not who needs to be proven wrong, and Im sure that the more clear a term is used in combination with my name and told to everyone, is serving some purpose hopefully to help anyone else suffering, its my job to live life, no matter how it looks, no matter where I end up, no matter who sues me, stay healthy well and improve, and maybe that’s the lesson about talking about voices in public and sharing remedies or trying to make peace with a believed to be imagined experience or a reflection of something true about me, to make or break my career in life, I can be a writer and be guided by my own thought proceses and see a therapist and like everyone else work hard to be normal, or lose my sense of normal, be disturbed, interrupted, connected to, experience wellness, experience sickness, experience humiliation, experience bullying, in the end there is no such thing as being one way, that requires a person to make mistakes or look ugly to be unattractive lose face, look stupid, be liked by women, or men or any human being, life represents who it represents and life is protected and meant to be lived normal, and a following is maintained and a world wide audience functions to gear acceptance toward difficulties no matter how honest or shameful the accusations are, or permanency, you cant control what people think of you maybe being on my own and proving my own worth, getting a job, couldn’t prevent voices, or being in court or a hate website put voices at peace, maybe AA and sober living and having friends was not honored or viewed as deserved, if I constantly focus on disclosing voices, its not me changing or suddenly not hurt or hurtful ruining my life, life isn’t a game a situation anyone famous can help you, scotus, police, government, or human being advise you under any circumstances nor does being online mean its okay to experience sickness at any top in life, what voices is teaching me, is whether Im strong enough as a human being to publish a book or be famous or be respected or be paid for my writing, without hurting anyone or making anyone feel bad or jealous, and maybe the best way to earn that privilege is to do more, go back to school keep applying, keep working on publishing books, and not allow voices to decide my future and fate, trust that there is nothing discussed privately to deal with things in a way the public cant handle, if I cant handle voices, its not that Im not schizophrenic its about acceptance, weight, face, wealth, education, hard work, knowing a person, its not about getting away with crimes or being the cause of any crime, in every way I explained how I helped, Im sorry that the best way to show everyone Im not guilty or sick is to stay well and not be fault for any crime, in the end its not my job the DA cant help me, an Attorney cant help me, I have to put in writing prove how I can help, that’s not putting anyone at fault, and it’s a sad subject to use my life to focus on wors like ruin, or pervert, hear it online, tell everyone, see what happens to me, Im not the public I have to work hard for acceptances, I have stated the solution is: responsibility, prevention, sufficiency, and without hesitation, Im in charge of not being hurt by things like voices or people past that don’t exist or be treated as guilty, figuring out how to be a public figure is a constant test its not something you can lie about. If I show up in court and anythings my fault you automatically get arrested or go to jail or go home, so instead or punishing me fascinated with who I am or what people think can we just accept to keep everyone separate instead of making fun of who I am, hurting me, or trying to hurt everyone, or try to make me not famous, exclude me from a code of respect and understanding of life you don’t see me as apart of, its like who should you believe, when a person is working hard, you always have a choice to focus on other women, other sources, other people, other issues, other instagrams, I didn’t ruin my blogs or instagrams I love myself and its unfortunate that life works that way, and I can accept Im not the public, can accept what lawsuit means, its my right to not belong in jail and I really have no control over whos hacking collecting whats being used against me or what you think mental illness is or doesn’t exist or imagined, sometimes I think by everything I say to help, helping voices, is at my expense losing everything, is not worth living life is anyone thinks its okay to hurt me then Im going to publish two books and hopefully become famous one day and represent my experience better to not allow this type issue to occur by any extremes, I know my life my story, and you can take anything to court and put anyone in jail for whatever you want, that’s not my job don’t scare me accuse me of prejudice or racism or auditory delusion, life is a game if youre not me, Im in court, Im not playing the game, and sometimes respect will occur with money and becoming famous.