No matter what happens to me, do not be alarmed, I have been this way for at least 12 years in and out of the hospital, although I thought I would outgrow any type on instability by getting a job, but I guess its all the same no matter how old you are, just be proud of who I am and where I come from. I know that my solution may not be the same as others, coming where I am coming from, but I have spent the majority of my life sober to the extent, that now, should be no different, and something to continue to work towards, learn how to deal with negative voices, most especially if Im going to publish a book, or ever be interviewed, be able to handle public scrutiny or opinion or book review, and do my best.

I aim to be the person I deserve to be, and however that success is achieved, I hope that it follows any personal statement that can attest to my heart being set on helping others, and to continue to be the kind of person, no matter what stress or strain continue to help others. I don’t think it would be the same to be online, not get hurt, or get hurt, by something that Ive said, either now, 12 years ago, or presently, everything matters as to whether I am going to famous one day and be well known and be respected for my courage and hard work, discipline, and work ethic, until then I can handle not everyone knowing me, attend AA, stay sober, and discontinue applying for jobs at the moment, until I finish publishing my books, one goal at a time.

I will always wonder what everyone thinks, where everyone else is at, how life is normal, or parenting, or other phases of life and independence achieved which for me has been prevented by diagnosis, self-harm, or money. I hope to one day be adult, respected, independent, loved, employed, and paid for my writing and work, which can only occur by book at this stage in my life, not what going to coding school is for, but deserve to upgrade my website, to fully display all my great work, not be judged by current timing or mental health issues occurring after my development online, before becoming a famous author, or a person of talent, is is known for good things, not someone you call otherwise anything else in life, wouldn’t be appropriate, after all my hard work, to end up anywhere else in life other than loved, working hard, and paid for my hardwork, those are my present goals in life.

It’s hard to get voices, after years, or working, running, medication changes, treatments, hospitalizations, why would I have a new problem called voices, after having been to the hospital 10 plus times, doesn’t make sense to me, but will do my best to deal with the consequences of blogging, or being tested in life, as to whether I can handle being famous, or well known on a level that I am respected and left alone and not hurt, in a way others can profit from my success and find their own success in life, based on everything that I have done to support the success of others, that would be my wish, a peaceful departure, from getting voices that make me feel like anyone is against me, or has something on me, or threatening me, or accusing me, or fears of dying or being scared, fear of crime, you name it.

Im sure whatever Im scared of anyone can be scared of too as a human being of any gender. What matters most is to focus on myself, Im sorry if anyone thought I drank or didn’t like what my fight sounds like on Instagram. There is no such thing as night and day, either you are mentally ill and stuck and need to go to the hospital, or you are well able to function and be at home, and can rest and sleep and recover at home, otherwise you have to go to treatment, to get back to normal. The lesson is even if I go to treatment, based on my story and court, its not appropriate for me to be in a treatment setting which I would be bullied for having disability or not be achieving in life, and I don’t want to live that way, poor or disabled.