I think it would be wrong to believe that a major tragedy, shooting, fire, or school shootings, is the fault of anyone. Today a hate website asked me what am I doing to prevent school shootings, trying to blame me, including the rest of the hurtful terminology put on the internet to cause people to think poorly of me. At this point I have to give up on what his agenda is, and can accept the permanent damage to my reputation and life and mental health caused by his anger toward me, including any anger from any other person, who is made to believe I would ever be at fault, or not who I say I am, or someone worse, not the see the value in my writing, or reasons for staying alive and continuing to apply for jobs, I have a job interview today, and an interview at a tech school, to consider my options for focus in the future, to me that’s living a positive life. (Cancelled)

To me living a positive life is to improve my analytics on this blog, which is starting to go up, with a goal of 400k, and to do my best to stay sober, with a court date coming up this week, to meet the Judge face to face who wants to meet me and talk to me.

I wish there was more that I could do to explain to the public that my life is under control, and so is my health, and to not be put in this constant battle of “voices” not-existing, or expectation for failure, or fighting to follow symptoms, to blame me for achieving a level of mental health considered to be sick, or a poor reflection of me, to prove him right.

I really don’t have an explanation or formula for how to prevent someone from hurting me, or trying to change me, or make me look bad, or sue me, what that has anything to do with my mental health, or my life story, or what my reality is. I think it makes people question me, and if that’s the case, there is really nothing that I can do to build trust with anyone who does not believe me, or think of me in the positive, need me, or see the value to my life, or descriptions of a condition, as preventative.

I think the most hurtful aspect of being a writer online or sharing photos, or a hate website being made about me to humiliate me, embarrass me, cause me a heart condition, alcoholism, or future difficulty in court or disrupt public relations or views of me, is how has non acceptance occurring in the form of voices, affected me, or become a reality through the discussion of a occurrence that now is not accepted as defined by any diagnosis, med, hate website, explanation, happening, or not happening, imagined or having anything to do with me.

To me the unfortunate part of a lawsuit is when people make your mental health about them, to accuse me of there being something wrong with me, to publicize that opinion of me, and to not accept who I am or what a 4 year period was like living life in the positive, in a second all of that be taken away if someone fights me.

I have no explanation for what is expected of me when placed in a fight, or find humor in being accused, is not deserved, in the end what happens to me in life, is based on what I believe, how I carry myself in public, how I manage my information, my career, my life, how I handle court, how I handle voices, and really not make anything a public issue, including my grievances.

I think that’s the point of mischaracterizing, to turn me into someone who is rejected, or loses everything in life, looks bad, until no one else is blamed for voices, its almost like calling me guilty, makes other people feel innocent, like they didn’t do anything wrong, trying to convince the public that Im doing anything wrong, and I am not an Attorney, so Im sorry I can’t explain that process of how I am being used, to represent issues, or face allegations or what it feels like to be called negative terms then call that a mental health issue that I have no one else has, then accuse me of not being normal or able.

I wonder what makes him feel better, to accuse me of causing a school shooting, and want to know what is the purpose of his hate website to convince people I am someone to hate, or not care for, or think is sick, or accuse anyone of having proof of sickness, or anything on me or against me. I don’t understand how you expect me to live life, or not get suicidal, or defensive, when this is how Im treated, I really have no explanation for everyone as to why there was a school shooting today. All I know is that Im doing my best, Im not blaming anyone, and I can continue to write to scotus, and continue to prove my self-worth and earn each day I have to live life, free of harassment, or harm.