Please Note: My card doesn’t mean I’m giving up or allowed to be mean clearly punished if so unsupported. I have court next month “Judge Nguyen threatened to not accept admitting me into a program after requesting I appear in court to go over a form then said he would like to proceed” which to my understanding means a trial instead of community court which already posted not guilty which the ex pen pal keeps energetically posting telling me what court is about explaining things as this hearing is on this date to decide if I’m admitted to a mental health diversion program. I was never unfit for trial or guilty to begin with or mentally ill I wrote books two website did my best please don’t turn my story into calling me stupid disrespecting me pretending to be nice then trying to scare me in person just to witness my face or determine whether a reaction occurs that tells you something I would rather preferable tell you myself. By focusing on what’s wrong I’m not insulting an economic crisis just at this time would prefer (in addition to making mistakes outbursts online) prefer to focus on court not be used thought I was used a team player not a team player perfect or defective turn my story into a story of who I was seek to declare me as something now unworthy of anyone’s attention would prefer to not grade me on “playing a game” or accuse me of not being cool I wish everyone well continue to have fun think whatever you want I need to focus on my health stay away from everyone and can stay sober too no big deal. Do my best.

**** I’m going to focus on what’s wrong instead of participating at this moment given everyone’s doing well simply to focus on myself I’m aware most people are immune to most things in life that’s great.

I am only myself, and my primary job in battling mental health issues, is to be in control of how Im feeling, and thinking, and do my best to not bother others. It’s to my understanding that a lawsuit and a hate website represents the point at which my battle with mental health, becomes a public ridicule of my own management of my own thoughts, temperament, and feelings, which seems like the punishment associated to lawsuit, is by court, with the intent to make you not feel good, not belong, be treated as guilty, and be punished for the rest of your life, lose support in life, as the causes for lawsuit are reinforced everytime someone meets me or decides to complain in public about my mental health. If so, at what point did me changing online, illustrate the difficulty or new mental health issues, under dislike or hate, and how have my recordings of the experience of voices, been used against me, to ignore all my days sober and working hard, or all my positive years in life, is unclear about how my medical records, would support the creation of a worse condition, involving voices ridiculing me, either prior to the creation of a hate website, is up to me to figure out how I am treated is related to any lawsuit, and ultimately changing is giving up on who I was believing I was in love, with enthusiasm for life, and coming to accept that a proper distance is necessary to exists between me and people in general, based upon these complaints, which are used to empower others, to dislike or judge in the negative my mental health, and to favor a negative view or hatred toward me, that cannot be proven as existing in real life, based upon my interactions with others.

It’s not my job to understand the mechanics of a lawsuit, politically on my identity, or the permanency of ridiculing my love, or prompting bullying in the event of matching, continues to baffle me. Why should I move forward, and how can I address the harm being done to me whatsoever imagined to be delusion or voices believed to be my own fault. If reporting the experience of voices required treatment, I think like most people updating or disclosing diagnosis I never thought that vocalizing my own discomfort or difficult interactions following diagnosis, is what told me what’s difficult or viewed to be wrong with me. I think getting voices means I’m not protected and instead establishes a belief that allows people to infer if subject to attack (getting voices) means I’m losing in life on a level anyone has something on me to ruin my life. I don’t think anyone remembered the purpose for taking a break from adderrall was a new heat condition results told to me after beginning a residential treatment. I’m not opposed to treatment or the new definition of sobriety that does not include stimulants, I’m sure I did my best, sometimes I think telling everyone I’m schizophrenic was purposeful to help others to be informed there is something wrong with me to ignore my career as a blogger try to accuse me of not being smart, or hurtful, or having it easy, or immune, or not real stats, maybe it later became an issue being told I’m not schizophrenic and I’m sure it’s not me countering any mean definitions or changed definitions or observations made of me doing my best with a job sober and off meds.

I’m sorry Judge Nguyen that you don’t know me, I’m sorry that the basis for meeting me in person resulting in exposing a public chart of court dates I did not realize how much has been published in public not an uncommon example of accusing me of being unfit or places or jobs I don’t belong make a sport about failure, innocence, court, or my medical records.

To be suddenly confused about discontinued participation or writing online, seems appropriate if I’m not feeling well especially if it’s unclear whether voices are true or not or what the purpose of accusing me of being sick is for, obviously to accuse me of not being well when I’m well, and I have no control over the public’s expectations or to what level of being known has been confirmed or designate my life as a difficult or disappointing life failing socially to blame my presence as unwanted or unfit for treatment or meetings.

It would have then been a positive to confirm the existence of voices that make me feel bad considered my own guilts or represent any connection or person assumed to be connected to me I’m analyzed as having harmed view self harm negatively or use fitness or photograph to prompt challenging me with the issue of whether I love myself or love and respect others a person who can be trusted to be popular online or use any med to justify the existence of voices worsening off meds, and self harm occurring more frequently after the publication of a hate website I was informed 8 million people saw. , without being blamed for any harm to others, and while society may not admit to finding difficulty hiring me, accepting me, training me, allowing me to learn to tech, or study law, or build a website without being depreciated, Im sure I have the same concerns as anyone, knowing whats coming from me, doing my best to be careful, and not watched as though Im considered stupid, and to not view my wellness, as intimidating or making anyone else feel stupid. A positive side effect of lawsuit and formally told to not contact anyone I believe in general, no one knew, speaks to the issue of what is harm, how is the harm being caused, who should be designated the power to determine what is wrong with a person, or decide to tell me what my mental health is, not a reality Im willing to accept, being disabled, or accused of taking it easy or not trying hard. Im sure I have the same concerns as everyone in politics, concerned for the economy and job availability, I would think me of all people being able to get a job, speaks to being able to be hired no matter what the disability is, no matter how a lawsuit would work to empower others to feel smart, and not care about me, hate me, not believe me, or find it hard to believe anyone is working with me, no one is working for me, just like without a blog or career writing, and couldn’t get a job, needed to improve and graduate and be in a better place in life, in order to work. Sometimes the advices and reminders I give to myself, become the exact statements, that my version of reality is tested, or knowledge of mental health and recovery, and I wouldn’t say my changed disposition, is reflective of being less than or having problems, with how I come across to others, I would say, if I was successful blogging and that confidence inspired me to apply and able to get a job, focus on what is making my life worse, so that I cant apply for a job and don’t feel good. I was reminded in court the other day, asked specifically to appear in person, to go over a form, which the Judge did not want to just meet me in person, and make sure I understood a form, it was also for the purposes, or threatening me, to not grant mental health diversion and proceed, without explaining to me, what proceeding means, thankfully the Attorney General did not want to extend my stay in court prolong court proceedings, I was never opposed to trial, Im almost positive Im not guilty of harming someone that I love and able and intelligent enough to explain to a Judge the issues, without suffering from mental illness, or without my face changing upon being in court, determine who’s who or continue to allow for “offender” jokes to be made, Im hoping to publish a book, which is too late to undo the harm and damage to my self-esteem and mental health, which Im not opposed to who sued me, is doing okay and for a lawsuit to resolve what they were going through upon knowing me, I also know that I should continue to live life, not be afraid of hate or people turning on me, or support a delusion, of being used for anything of economic value, that’s not my purpose in life to control anyone, my purpose in life, was to be loved, to be accepted, to work hard, and earn my wellness back. Im sure for every reason I drank or faced difficulty being insulted and shouting and cursing, does mean Ive reached my limit being threatened and even wrote to the investigator that he’s too late, and also informed him that we were still in contact. Sometimes you wonder once everyone wins and you look bad, wonder why youre alive, that’s not being suicidal, that’s questioning my purpose in life, if I consistently don’t feel good, and cannot come up with a solution for voices, either through writing, or by sharing what solutions I have found, I wonder really how much of what I am going through is real, as related to what other people are going through. All I know is to stay away, if I wasn’t good enough then, and my life was ruined, and then again 4 years later, it’s really time to not talk to anyone until I gather myself, focus on my own reality, and what court means to me, and really focus on what being online is for and who is being helped, and if this alternate reality of hate, and economy threats continue, then no its not necessary to be a corporation for $40 dollars more, nor does an LLC some imagined issue with liability, I thought I was clear on being able to work alone, and just wish to be left alone, and figure out life, without voices, or being hated or self harm. I think publishing a book, will do a public service to describe who I am without allowing for conspiracy to exist as to my own management of my own data, question my professionalism, or discount an interest in modeling or investment in professional photos, something I would want to maintain the ability to appear well in photos, and not be denied that privileged, of accuracy as to who I am. I think publishing a book, is not a power move, or about money, it’s about not being intimidated by what being a public figure is, to face the reality of not everyone will like you value you, people may fight you, you may not be trusted, people may blame you, or take their anger out on you, but with a book, I don’t need to keep my mental health a secret, or let people be upset then be healed, as though my health should go into decline, or be denied medication, or be misdiagnosed, it’s gotten to the extent that instead of letting me function and improve, Im sad that I have to be in court and for the Judge to threaten denying me acceptance to a program or threaten trial Im not opposed to. Lets make it clear I loved this person, I did not get sick while loving this person, I was positive, I got hurt, I did my best, I handled my losses in life, but if a Judge looks at me hurt and then threatens me, I still spoke, and was spoken to, I did get sober, and I can stop talking to everyone, and I did inform the investigator that hes too late, and that guy wont stop messaging me, it’s almost like I cnat even control or be witness to or informed of why Im sued, and maybe it’s not an issue Im supposed to ever comprehend on a mathematical level, or who is empowered to not care about me, or make it okay to interpret me poorly, it really doesn’t matter who I was, publishing a book, is not to overcome the guilt or low self-esteem or hate I should be subjected to accused of hurting anyone, or needing to be told to stay away, unfortunately I have no one to protect me, not even safe from voices, or a hate website, Im certain that if someone becomes angry with me that makes me look bad, no matter whether Im feminine, fit, pretty, or ugly, and Im sad that even now a Judge is threatening my sense of reality or brandish his authority to threaten trial for being told “Do not contact _____ and everything will be okay.” It’s not that I don’t listen or pushing to extremes or should know Im a reject or not liked, or don’t know what I sound like accuse me of coming across too strong, its clear that in doing my best, being who I am, I didn’t take any threat lightly, and its not my intent to be mean, or live life being accused, I clearly can’t control to every extreme that anyone would be offended by me, to accuse me of some dysfunction or photo quality so poor or improper, that I should experience what it’s like for someone I love to be supported by a woman I hired as an attorney, who threatened me, not about race, or if Im good enough, or jealousy, its about who I am, and Im sorry that I haver to be in court with an actual representative “attorney general” brought into court and face threat of denying acceptance, as though he’s trying to tell who I am and whether he can tell if I have done something wrong, or should know what Ive done wrong, and that’s why I can’t date anymore. Again it’s not me controlling anything, or accuse me of trying to control how things look, or others having it easy in life, interpreting, or brainwash me to take it easy, make life about existing or denying a truth of not knowing whats coming from me, or to judge me as though what comes from me, accuse me of thinking others are thinking something they are not. No its clear that if Im treated as guilty, it makes sense to not date, or talk to anyone, that being the reality, no matter how many people are nice to me, and the threat is either I am a nice person, proper, salvageable or person unaware of people’s rights and innocence, accuse me of lying or not speaking clearly or explaining, or withholding, or purposefully delaying writing online, there’s only so much hate I can face, lawsuit, court appearances, treatment centers, before I ask what are you trying to prove amongst yourselves, and why should I be subjected to a system that is unimpressed by me, or blames me, or age types me as a wrongdoer, let’s make it clear I shared a Text to Trump, I have always been prominent for having grown up close to a family, never made light of a significant tragedy that marks apart of history in terms of race. I think the best way to be honest and to illustrate the reality of right now, would be to notice that any man I spoke to or respected, is now viewed as weak or having gone through a lot, because of knowing me, and instead of recognizing me for helping everyone, and not doing a good job writing in distress, it would be a shame to give power to a hate website, that cannot be forgotten, or allow for that to be respected or accepted as a proper analysis of who I am in terms of the rest of the world, sometimes it’s not for all the difficulties you overcame, its about not being used to strengthen someone who read your story, and is trying to tell a story on the outside, as it relates to others, or even my losses, and you know I cant control how people move forward from wronging me, but please inform the Judge that I don’t have to feel good, move on, attend meetings, apply for jobs, or suffer unpublished, I think the solution, for world peace, should not be creating this imagined reality “called delusion” where I am beaten in private until anyones words become right, or to allow anyone to not stop when I say stop, and consider him doing a public service for any lawsuit, pushing me to extremes, and not stoping upon not feeling well, or demanding photos, not feeling well, then who are we going by in this instance, a person who is perceived as innocent, while Im treated like trash and sued, how is that justice, all I ask is what was the satisfaction in job loss, relationship loss, change in email content, or self harm, or relationship loss, on how many levels do voices need to win in support or someone hurting me, and expect me to bounce back, feel safe, or just openly write like everythings okay, I wonder, why was my world accused of being sick, then create cases and “laws” preventing me from contacting anyone, labeling me some illness that Ive endured that another person loses confidence or their own sense of well being, hearing from me or hearing my story. This is why Im left with no option but to publish a book, clearly there was a strong emphasis over the past 4 years, since 2019, on how medication or self-harm is related to any losses, and instead of honoring my timeline and whatever I was doing in life, no matter what you do or do not believe I represent an issue accurately without disadvantaging men or women in life, was never anyone that spread a belief that sex is grose or view people’s sexuality as sick, or a person who you wrongfully accuse of showing their sexuality and accusing me of mental illness, or inaccurate photos. That text conversation on Bumble, isn’t about his gift in being able to tell whats wrong with me, while living in a sober living home with a job not on meds, a person’s opinion I reported in defense of myself, whenever being who I am, get’s attacked because of diagnosis, or photo, that’s letting a dating service know that Im not doing well, the basis being photos, which is what he accused me of posting photo shopped selfies, that’s untrue. So although it seems like a game against me, counter my definition of a role model, counter my wellness, or ability to make my life happen, positively advise others, without scaring others, helpful ways in people feeling apart of, to encourage communication and fun by being online, isn’t me grading anyone, or offended by anyone, flipping out, its about a website deciding to get everyone to hate me beginning August 2024 to now December 2024 before he’s living life positive and being nice to me, means what about photos, and who’s story or reaction is being told by using me, if you continue to tell other people’s stories, using me, and focus only on self harm or voices, then I can spend the rest of my life, writing research papers, in honor of everyone from my life, who either was proud of me, welcomed me back, reached out to me, healed by misdiagnosis, and maybe it’s time to focus on what went wrong for me in life and why, let’s not make life about me being insulted or paranoid or having something sexually wrong with me known or by disposition accuse me of being offended by President Trump (who inspired me, who I know has been through a lot, not a bad influence, or accuse me of turning into an ugly person who shouts after being hated is experimented with) means it’s never appropriate to call me racist, and while Im not going to sit here and interpret everything that someone else is doing to me, it’s clear my love is not respected, Im not viewed as good enough, Ive been through a lot, and drinking is not the problem, if Im getting voices and decide not to write, Im not letting anyone down by not participating online. I think it’s clear how difficult things have become, once you keep destroying me to blame me for assassination, or ask for photos to show the public, you consider the public is entitled to view me as trash or mentally ill, its not wonder I end up in the ER, I don’t need anyones attention, who thinks Im sick, or doesn’t think I make sense, or doesn’t think Im cool, or pretty, why mention his name in honor of George Flyod to threaten me or my story or my photos accuse connection to me, as not sustaining life, or accuse me of representing an issue I have always been free to analyze how connected, I don’t think it’s ever been okay to not be sure whats held in private versus what’s in public, accuse me of perfection or lying or not making things easy for others to comprehend, I think I have been nice and supportive written articles, maybe overall I did not handle another hate website and as a result I flipped out discussed voices and hateful terms used, alongside similarly offensive words, was not an in your face assessment of voices that don’t exist, its on a website that exists, which is creating the voices that exists, whether viewed in my records, or by his publishing, doesn’t make me paranoid, or unable to function and stay well on my own. What I don’t understand is Im not fucking up reality some psychotic person who keeps going or writes about “errors” then suddenly makes a bunch of errors, or blame alcohol, it’s why should I be expected to write online, or not publish a book, or use my family to comprehend what is code or accuse names of being related to me. Im not proud that I drank, prescribed less adderrall, giving up at 5pm, spoke to a subject, then lost my entire following due to not writing, used alcohol responsibly to not write and to help with sleep, and the challenge of being texted given a hard time. Again its not about my happiness, it’s about why my life is ruined, how I handle court, it’s about being hurt by words, and fighting in words, giving up in life, in terms of everything as a whole, and wonder why does this person keep hurting me, and why do voices keep hating me, and for how long am I expected to stay normal and be put down in life, and did shouting and fighting illustrate a point as its related to what happens to you, when no one cares, what you sound like wrong, what alcoholism accuses me of, clearly illustrates that who hurt me is feeling good, and trying to help me, in good spirits, and I don’t understand why he is talking to me, or what’s not a solution to publish a book, I think to continue to broadcast this reality of calling me names, is not helpful to anyone, Im a human being, Im sorry for flipping out, I just think people are going to do whatever they feel is right, I just have to be in control of myself, and be alone, and not end up suicidal, or in the ER, I think publishing a book, will allow for an opportunity, to have written a completed work, people can publically comment on, or hate me for on any level, I think this idea of me working unpaid, and being hurt at the same time, doesn’t make sense, the more voices continue. I may never know what specifically about me caused anyone to decide that no one should like me, hire me, trust me, believe me, respect me, know me, or care about me, and Im sorry that it’s not my sense of safety and vocalized reality in words, suddenly not beneficial, or not apart of the solution, if the solution is everyone who is well, that is not prosecuted, and not told to stay away, and specifically accused of being hurtful to men, I wonder what is there to fix, when the purpose for putting me down was to blame me. Hopefully it’s not too late to publish, and face hate, face the public, face the challenge of publishing or acceptance, see if Im good enough to be helpful. Im sorry I lost my sanity and became suicidal, on the basis of hurtful words and fighting online.