Another Fan/Hate Website was published, equally as damaging and traumatic and challenging to negotiate and have the website be taken down took August-December (5 months) and required calling an Investigator to protect my own safety from threats. Unfortunately an investigator can prevent voices, all that I assume is that if I saw it, whoever is watching me saw it, and ultimately the excuse for determining whether not anything negative is true, Im sure is within my power, to not lose to non-existing use of terminology that is not coming from me, not a fear, not true, not any impression of me, nothing defective about my face or body suggesting I am composed of parts or any human expression of language recorded in public in permanent form for 12 years, leaves no excuse to be harmed in discussing my own solutions, and still suffer. In the end maybe it’s not my win in life, maybe I can be intelligent and be well, a fan or hate website could be illegal spreading rumor or promoting the use of voices I assume is a strategy to convince me or anyone upon viewing, a fan, unknown bystander, be believed and can accept for whatever damage has been done to me. All I know is I have to do my best, to let no diagnosis be used as excuse or strategy to miscalculate 39 years of life to simply be ruined by a statement made about me untrue, Im not in charge of anyones happiness in life, no hate website hurting me is for anyone in public’s purpose or give permission to at this time in my life after 1 year sober and 7 months off adderrall with no voices, living in a group home, monitored, with a full schedule and applying and being hired,[2] Arguments in Support of Everyone – To stay well and carry on, focus on myself and problems right now and do my best to figure out life on my own, start publishing book, not be intimidated by the process of becoming known, or allow any death to convince me that by giving me a hard time, and needing to be alone take life seriously, are not all the ways I should be convinced Im mentally ill, or would ever subject any mind to any pressure they could not deal with on their own living life with a condition and still popular online, makes being informed of a loss, by one of my fans is not the kind of communication that should be exposed or a loss I would be unable to process, based on who I am or be not proud of myself and how Ive handled voices, and prevented self harm and suicide, sometimes its not your story that directs or misdirects a person, from safety, sometimes a confusion related to anyone else’s assessment of suicide, is not a subject unfamiliar to me, or have ever been in positions in life, with disability, that of all places my website with a world wide audience not any place for confusing who Im talking to you, or forgetful of all the innocent people who suffer, am thew last one to convince people they are mentally ill, or endure treatments poorly advise anyone on the subject of voices, compared to my own, an uneducated guess as to how a voice can be created representing (a former interaction personal or brief) is not how I learned how my past follows me everywhere I go, and maybe that was understand, that a bigger broadcast of the status of my mental health occurred again, whether in defense of himself, threaten me by bringing up each incident of voices, describe an experience that anyone would view as sick or abnormal or scary, or not the type of injury that takes 6 months to recover from, what Im learning is people wont stop when you tell them to stop, voices wont stop when you tell them to leave you alone, no explanation provided with suffice to explain how self harm ort suicide is related to voices, and its not my fault if I hear sick voices, Im not responsible for making anyone sick, or rejecting anyone, or not being a woman who takes care of herself, a sex addict or a dirty representation of a woman you would honor or consider a princess or willing to accept any Cinderella moment, if the issue is sexuality, Ive done my best to not have sex or date or love for the rest of my life, that’s important to me, because it’s not okay to make fun of my timing in life, accuse me of delusion, or liking the wrong things, or accuse me of having something in me that enjoys things or looks at people, I don’t remember a face, my disposition is in my head, for whatever reasons, call me scared or self harmed and consider that a joke, related to my own innocence or likeability, why would I be focusing on weight loss, and femininity for sex or approvals I don’t deserve, Im sure in every way I got strong, I worked hard for it, not trying to fit an ideal, ever a person who stopped having sex for the same reasons anyone would if hospitalized, Im grateful I had men in my life, things are so bad, that’s its really become not about me or how I feel, or whats connected to me, or worry if he’s hurting me, it’s about accusing me of mental illness, or not being professional, then punishing me disabled, with no discussion or explanation for why and how would a medication explain how voices are created, life is so short, who has time to have people against them in life, I was clear on not being able to handle lawsuit and that it took 7 years to finally apply for jobs, these are events in life, that I wil always be blamed or be accused of being mentally ill, but that doesn’t make my story sick, or mean its easy to speak in private, I think the moment it got dangerous for me, is when I stopped messaging everyone, and maybe that’s an issue you don’t consider protective or smart enough to know when Im well and positive and can connect, versus when I get hurt and feel sick, not able to connect, right now is one of those moments, when I feel like Im old or whatever is happening to me, is some unexplainable torture, that the CIA or tech can’t explain, which I get punished for for reporting, or connecting and rejecting me, attaching me, and detaching me, is an experiment on who I am or how I feel upon being known. Upon interaction, credit a Judge who’s name I do not recall, as sending me to meetings because he’s not sure if Im famous or not, I think the issue is do I know who I am, can I function, and be well liked, is my life, over, is subjecting me to a deadly pressure, without being provided meds, have anything to do with medication or my thinking, no or mental health no, it’s about my Father passing away, and he does not represent the value of my entire Facebook or team in life, just as someone wouldn’t let me change lanes to exit Lincoln, and let a huge truck change into my lane, waited for him to pass as he flicked me off with a fuck you at me through his window, who upon changing lanes to leave Lincoln, was slumped in his car looking at me, I don’t know you, and Im sure Im being graded on every interaction, and exposed on a level, that anyone has the power to ruin my reputation or call me crazy or accuse me of being mean, in the end its not worth sticking up for myself, if fighting is going to cause me mental illness hitting my head, I trust that no matter who knows me, or hears my story, studies me, questions me, rejects me, or doesn’t love me, I can accept being faced with confrontation on a level, I no longer need to be accused of leaving undisclosed pressures on family or the public, or expect me to go or commit suicide or be weakened or end up in the hospital, an example of documenting a bottom, that doesn’t care how I feel not concerning anyone with my health, even the fan worried about me, informing me his sister committed suicide 2 years ago, I refuse to be this person, you accuse of being forgetful or abusive or mentally ill, make fun of me as not being abler to handle life on my own, I never thought that talking to anyone in life, would solve my problems in life, and Im sorry that no one saw the work completed on my end, please know Im not drowning, insensitive to drug and alcohol addiction losses and recovery or celebrity losses, not know Im connected to celebrities, anyone who relapses in vain frustrated by a topic called “blame” in the end I know its not my life that’s hurting anyone else’s life, or headed nowhere, lost, or a person without faith or a future or actual sober time, and 12 years experience with mental health recovery, comparing myself, the opportunities that were lose to be social have been put on hold, until being alone, allows for everyone or no one, to read, or not read, complain, not believe me, be convinced, as many times as you believe life has turned out, is as many times and days as my life will be difficult until those questions are addressed, not accuse me of leaving problems on others, or poor writing. I know whats important what Ive sheltered my family from, including any discussion of a case or attorney representatives privileged to contact in the middle of my journey, didn’t leave anyone at risk of harm, or someone so stupid not respected in the community or on Twitter, that would cause anyone to be targeted including my family, I didn’t talk shit about my own family, or talk to a stranger about my problems in life, these are excuses for putting me down, or deciding that if my family has been affected by my life lived separately, I would be considered someone who protects who deserves to live a normal life, innocent free of harm, not someone trying to defend my genetics or a person who doesn’t know my own body or mental health, whether to the satisfaction of a Judge, I am not in control, of what makes you feel smart, or how stupid you think I am, or how I handle being told something serious that means that I will not be graduating from treatment not an emergency to tell my Boss, something has gone wrong, and Im being sent away, a type of job, or job loss, or example of something you accuse or make the issue “about telling me no, or accuse me of being impatient, or not waiting or not listening.” Based on my losses, no one is strong enough to handle the kind of voices I get, and get hurt repeatedly, not self harm, or be experimented with connected to, unhappy, nice demanding, again I am who I am, my soul belongs to me, Im not experimenting with a form of private discussion that’s too much for any individual to handle, I do my best to explain everything, work hard, the only way to trust me, and account for losses, would be for me to not question others, accept my place in life, back off, do my best, and if this is my reality, or if I get sick, do my best to focus on who I am, what Im doing, what is believed to be wrong with me, concentrate on what will keep me alive, not be too much for others, continue to shelter everyone from this alternate course of interpretation doesn’t require me to be happy, or in love, it jyst requires me to get well, stay well, not bother or blame anyone, accept how Im treated, do my best to never be sued again, discontinue talking in private, and start publishing books, sometimes getting hit by things without explanation, is to see whether Im strong, intelligent, considerate, a team player, or person who’s 39 years of life and improvements and medical records, does not entitle anyone to tell me whats causing voices or what makes voices, worse, what makes voices worse, is doing less in life, making fun of my disposition, pretending like everythings okay, and not caring if everything goes wrong for me, I have fully come to terms to be alone for the rest of my life, I do not see fighting me as the solution for determining how to get everyone to a safe side in life, my only job to shelter others, from having to explain life, or feel guilty about how they feel about life, or how they feel about me, is not my business, not my choice, not especially since the most intelligent students in the US, do not support Israel, it would be a bad idea to think Im immune from dislike or resentment.

I need no excuses, I have experienced severe disability, and after years of discipline and doing well, is why I am able to write today, more confidently in crisis than in periods before in life. How I don’t want to lose in life, is to get stuck in some conspiracy cause anyone to believe that mental health is some instant recovery, it takes years and many days to be able, it takes a second to fall off center and months to feel good again, it takes 6 months to recovery from self harm or a mental breakdown and crying giving up, not to mention is damaging to my body in a way, that defeats the purpose of modeling and weight loss. I never made mental health a scary subjected, I never lived a life, making anything about anyone, let alone voices, I know who I am what I have said how I have lived life, I know in all my honesty and creativity I was never anyone paying attention to anyone else period, and why would it make sense to me to simply want to get well, or be working hard to be able, mean that 39 years later, a worse system of voices should be created after a year of sobriety and no voices, be something concerning anyone. I was very nice about discussing voices, I am not fighting myself, I don’t have resentment toward men or women, I am not guilty, I am not blaming anyone confused, or doing drugs or have any history  of alcoholism have never failed to perform in school or lived a wreckless life, or a life I have not deserved, the biggest challenge about dealing with voices and a hate website, this being the second 2020 and 2024, is about figuring out whats important to me, I really don’t choose to have worked hard to be able to work or get paid jobs finally, someone who didn’t work really fucking hard to be alive and really dedicated to writing. To me lawsuit doesn’t mean everyone hates me, or everyone can harass me, it doesn’t mean anything wrong with me, NOT GUILTY means the person I loved, is doing okay pleased with my progress, and maybe a lawsuit can mean something stupid or some undefined number of years and history of selfies and fitness and positivity and wellness at the time my Father was dying in the hospital everyday, mean I was grateful to be sober, not stuck in bed, able to visit and in a place in life that no selfie suggests I don’t know the difference between when Im loved or hated. To me being called schizophrenic has become an excuse not for me but for whom, to me this diagnosis makes everything in life worse, all of life impossible, makes 39 years of life and attending law school a life that instantly didn’t exists and is replaced being told bad news, that I have a disability that is permanent and the day to day struggle headaches stuck in bed, not able to work, or blog, was a simple life minus voices, no even off meds and on Invega I got voices, and would hit my head, it did not prevent voices, it made things worse, in the end whatever voices represent I know I am strong, I am alive, I can keep other people alive. I have survived suicide, I am successful enough to be a figure online with successful website dedicated to good causes, not doing well affecting anyone elses self esteem, denying love, rejecting love, fighting voices, have any problems period in life with anyone, or do anything wrong to a complete stranger who just because of association decided to make fun of me, and make fun of me again. I don’t know what the public wants, Im not known to 17M people have some imagined work product or life or planned content schedule pretending to be anyone not of value, why would I attend law school or end up with disability living a disciplined life be my fault. The biggest lesson about having voices, is don’t let them win, they want that conversation imagined what do you sound like fighting people calling you pervert, then call you derelict, then say you look schizophrenic, to me that’s just bullying Im not reading minds dealing with my own body and brain processing recording every thought word, and series of issues arising whether its discussed in court or in public, at work, relevant to a lawsuit, mean I have a poor sense of reality, life isn’t about working for free and ending up with a permanent disability, a disability check is not going to solve the issue why Im able to work full time and not get voices, missing an issue or not comprehending a subject related to my own health, my health is not upsetting, whatever happened to me is not my fight, I will forever be someone dedicated to living life and helping others, whether I am known, whether I get voices, or don’t get voices, but it’s not my purpose in life to let one word ruin my entire life and health and cause me self harm and suicide and alcoholism doesn’t mean I have guilt, doesn’t mean I hurt anyone, I stay away from everyone and live alone, I published a polite website dedicated to building a following whatever I wrote was what was accepted and what they liked, I am also not full of things to say, or suffering from dysnfunction or punching my head anything to make fun of how many times do I need to get voices, until you take everything away from me, that I should stay alive, or call me ghetto or create false information as to me, I made it clear don’t say this word it hurts my feeling, I am on meds, I am working hard, I do take breaks, I am working on myself, no I don’t deserve disorder or need an excuse for a condition I have never had in life or the kind of person, who doesn’t love themselves proud, the issue is “fighting voices” fighting voices causes people to think Im mentally ill have problems that don’t exists that don’t relate to reality or everyone doing well, is clearly not coming from anyone I know, is clearly unnecessary to go to the hospital to be free of voices for two weeks, anything Im begging to learn in life, all I have to do is be smart, I told you which words were just as offensive as what Im called. It doesn’t help anyone to detroy me dislike me hate me compare me judge me change my mood misuse my energy make fun of my beliefs or doesn’t care why Im alive or what makes me sound sick, Im not in court or writing online to anyone imagining issues in life unrelated to hate researchforhate.com whether the issue is called upon proven, believed, or just looks nice, whatever is the solution for preventing voices, is however long it takes and however many days consistently writing to disprove and prevent the demoralization of my entire life provoke hate or bullying voices which discussing only makes things worse, no its no longer a private issue, and the public has the right to know whats being done to me that is not helping me or hurting me. In the end whether a lawsuit is openly being shared and discussed in the positive or a job was earned or got sick for no reason, Im not a game, Im a human being I told everyone I wrote 90 posts on mass shooting and shooting prevention, it’s never not necessary to “make peace” with anyone, Im entitled to live my own life, help in any way I can whenever I am able its really not about everyone, when a hate website is made, I have not hurt anyone, I have stated several times who I am and multiple times condemned I am in charge of staying alive, its not a joke to suffer and be called mentally ill, these are not my issues, these are not my guilts, this is not my reality, nothing is keeping me from having a good life being at peace, no one is hurting me, its not worth fighting voices, I am not schizophrenic, I do not shout at people, I have never been bullied in my life, I have documented by whole life, I am not concerned about my beauty or my face, I deserve money, I deserve support, I deserve financial confidence, I don’t deserve court, I don’t deserve to be misunderstood, I refuse to be abused and exposed and excluded be changed manipulated dysfunctional stand firmly rooted in my statement in the middle of conflict I am staying alive trying to move forward or a person who can’t handle a joke. I am not trying to be famous, or publishing a book to expose or discuss voices, or making any mistakes its my life my money my company my taxes my investment my brain my words and my job to live life not make fun of going to coding school I am not going to coding school to learn something new about life I have already not already experienced 4 computers later, never a space of disorganization or confusion, or a person’s website sense of touch or presentation doesn’t light up or accuse me of using any effects or sharing any stats, have anything to do with whats happening to me 2024, I love myself and it is because I loved myself I learned how to build a website that was for me, something that everyone decided to like a dream to build something and get followers, Ive tried for years, I cant. To me losing in life, is writing well then the next day getting voices, and accuse me of using meds to deal with a condition of not feeling good, know that I am not living life sick, I am not living life weak, I am not living life disabled, I am not living life influencing others, I am not living life claiming ownership over how life has evolved or someone working hard equally privileged to experience improvements, I am not mentally ill and allowed to discuss losses, I am not mentally ill or a joke, punishment is not the formula that entitles everyone to work with you or make everyone make fun of you, or make everyone feel good, there is nothing that can be done to me, to make everyone feel good, we have tried that living life disabled stuck in bed, who I am now is who I deserve to be staying well now, is not about anyone else, voices is not about anyone else, I mentioned a hateful website it was reported I deleted it from my phone and do not keep a copy of a hurtful document it doesn’t matter what doesn’t hurt you, its not the truth, and I don’t need to be famous, to make voices real, or to experience love or people being nice to me, that already happens. I don’t make people sad, I don’t have things other people want. No one wants to discuss any loss, have a campaign, be called so many bad things in life, or be blamed. We tried disabling me sober no blog no job no writing no reading and that wasn’t good enough, we have tried ignoring I drank instead of fighting voices, President Trump was shot, several celebrities died, and Im in court, like everyone else, how can we help, it’s not about whats on me, or what I record, or what writing I have provided, life is not about proving or speaking to a subject “voices” is simply to make fun of me call me sick things or make me reject myself from life, that’s not what I deserve in life, I lay low, I deserve to be paid, live a good life, publish public tolerant books positive, and not accuse me of being mean to anyone, if anything this blog post is to publicly announce that I have issues that I DO NOT CONFUSE HUMAN BEINGS OF, I AM NOT IMAGINING WORDS OR A HATEFUL WEBSITE does not represent or memorialize a sense of humor beneficial to anyones content period relevant to any death period, I am alive and well, I didn’t hurt anyone, I am a good person, and I belong places a positive addition to the environment worth it and deserve life happens around me, and I am not ignorant of mankind or code or ignorant of my own company my health or my own body and mind as a woman, why would I photograph and have a naturally curvy body able to photo doing anything in life making anyone jealous, I hope that further confirmation can be made, to not judge what Im doing compared to what everyone else is saying, need support at this time, I need to take a break from group commitments or a belief in God created in everyone doing well working together, its next to impossible to have a condition or expect me to be God, be in everything, act like I m incompetent to be God or be used, it’s not a joke how life is created, it’s not a joke to have membership or make fun of the development of my life story let no tragedy go unnoticed, I don’t think Im delusional for taking a break being called sick ass pervert and Im not blaming voices or know why President Trump got shot, Im like everyone else, write and try to help until you figure it out, why would I blame myself, or accuse me of not writing, there was clear disability there was clear repetition of voices causing disorder dysfunction there is a clear and permanent harm in the establishment of hatred toward me, I believe I handled things accordingly based on whatever ability I had at the time, no matter how frequent my blogging was, I stated several times returning to blogging after treatment was not easy I was really unstable off meds, it took many months to get well and to adjust to meds again, and let’s not pretend Im not God and Im not out here to let people use me put me down, or get confused about what ebing strong is about, or what teamwork is like online, its not about “beating up women” beating me up “or bringing up genital mutilation.” Its safe to say that I have lived life long enough to not waste time on words and voices, I am not shamed to have said on more than once occasion on my blog that that word is the equivalent of calling me ____. To me the only purpose for being called that it to accuse me of being hurtful or not caring about people or managing my work professionally, to me using voices is a strategy to accuse me of not being successful or taking 7 years to write books build two blogs and get 3 paid jobs, not someone who is doing their best or anyone who deserves to be accused of negativity is in no way a positive description of my life. The only purpose for a hate website or words is to make fun of me call me names, is not a theory about life and death, that means you can just take 39 years of life, and have no idea whether I am loved or helping anyone. I don’t think anyone needs to tell me to care if someone dies, is not my job to care, and never a dangerous subject or require group discussion a focus don’t focus innocence terminology issue, it was my evaluation, in the end the Elvis movie is about Elvis Presley, whether or not I was trashed ridiculed hurt or not, that website was disgusting mean exposed me shocking injurious I was put to sleep for 4 years that was how I was helped, doesn’t mean voices are entitled to attack me and pretend like life is about filling me up with stuff like I don’t know my own body or how my own brain works if you don’t care about the definition or at no point in the evolution of life need to know me never accuse me of not helping anyone or being selfish or too old to live my life, Im not complaining, the issue is how and why are voices used to interrupt my progress or insult my life threaten to remove me from earth, Im not a person dying gone or a person who did so much wrong like staying home my whole life means I acquired some issue opposite of a silent home with no TV, was never a person who suffered from voices. I regret to have had to deal with a person on my own and recover and for there to still be no reason purpose or sense of direction of trying to end my day, or make fun of medication or what I sound like telling voices to stop. If its ever unclear who Im talking to, just know in 100% whole hearted reality that everything I publish is true and everything about me is worth living I have not lived a bad life or imagining people hurting me, Im not mentally challenged by a misdiagnosis, whatever has happened in my life 2024, is for whatever reasons voices are happening doesn’t mean Im sick or confused, or fighting a fight that worries others, a subject that is not worth discussing to help myself cope with being called things and not caring who I am or if I die, and accuse me of being God for no reason, and develop a mindset of calculating injuring me in relation to the number of people who are doing well, remove me from earth, as though Im in anyone, that’s not the solution we have already spent 12 years at home, if Im now the negotiator at what point in my 39 years of life are voices being used “loser” “pervert” “sick ass pervert” recorded events doesn’t mean Im mentally ill refusing to mention or fight voices, how many years of unnecessary damage to my brain and body needs to occur or years in bed disabled is required to justify how life works or how God works, or how money works, or the economy, or how a campaign works, it is too much to suffer the consequences of being brave and helping, or accuse me of citing to anyone on earth other than myself, it’s not me doing work that’s the problem, it’s not the hate website that’s the problem, its not my mental health that’s the problem, it’s not my isolated experience in a silent home 2017 is not my problem, in the end all I have to focus on why is it not funny to experience dysfunction or be convinced everyone hates me or see what I look like called word repreatedly about race. Anyone can go to law school, and discuss women being killed, or discuss film, or anything mad taken down or damage to my reputation as relevant to any concern, in the end at this point in time due to symptoms maybe its not a good idea to speak to subjects put myself in danger, maybe symptoms that are difficult and symptoms or words does not require me to say three words hurtful in response to clear and public existing and pre existing use of words intended to cause me suicide and ruin my life means what about me or should handle now or know what to do, clearly I am a person who has not fucking history of filing a fucking report in my entire life exposing anyone. It’s not okay to call me schizophrenic, it’s not okay to pretend like Im someone Im not, I didn’t hurt anyone, I didn’t train anyone, I didn’t support anyone, I didn’t rescind, I didn’t fail to try to care, why should I be called something Im not, because no one cares about ability or working full time, because no one appreciates or knows whats real or able to tell whats working out, a good day, from a bad, day. Words don’t confirm anyone is charge. Don’t make fun of long distance running or convincing myself that I was a robot to make running everyday a commitment. It’s not fair to use voices, to damage my brain, in disagreement with establishing that the word P and how its being used, and the symptoms randomly occurring clearly are abusing the issue of being in court and clearly the Attorney General nor tech is responsible or the military or government responsible for dysfunction or disability or reason to exclude people or hurt people, no one is giving anyone permission to hurt me, no one is giving anyone permission to accuse me, no one is given permission to ridicule me be ungrateful for using my identity or website to establish care in a way, that makes no one responsible for female homicide, and maybe that is a risk to use my own life not make fun of who I am, let alone question who God is, God is not anything exchangeable between humans that creates excuses as to who knows what to do to me, is clearly not the Attorney General’s oversight.

I am not a game, I can stop listening to music and stop watching TV, but you can’t take everything away from me accuse me of mental illness for caring, that’s not okay to just shout at me, like you don’t give a fuck about me, clearly you don’t give a fuck why Im well, or know what makes me intelligent or strong, clearly you don’t care who Im alive for, and clearly you don’t believe in my discussion of a subject as properly dealing with an actual and real emergency related to everyone, I never forgot who I believed in, but I exist and politicians know me, it’s not okay to be in court and continue to test the waters be unappreciative of content, dislike me, non one is using anything to be known, Im like everyone else, either we are figuring out and preventing or we are not, Im not some unwanted human being jeopardizing my own life doesn’t make it okay to call me offensive terms, I have better things to live for in life, other than to be made fun of that’s not love, right now really focus on for what reasons has court or voices or hate website functioned to have anything to do with God or how God feels, or have anything to do with loss of life, or caring or talking about it, has life ever been about everyone knowing or everyone hating to feel good, has life ever been about one person, of course not, that’s why there is a God. So please don’t think a hate website is okay, or assume I am going to magically one day ignore voices, and discontinue mention, maker dysfunction the joke, I didn’t mess up, claim accuracy that an Instagram or 12 years helping does not prove, and I have not turned into someone disabled who is injured or accused of saying something wrong, I didn’t take anything too far, how can you expect me to write or proceed to care, broadcasting a condition that science cant prove isn’t making anyone believe in God, that’s not helping London, that’s not helping Malibu, that’s not helping President Trump, that not helping Texas, in the end I don’t need an excuse for court some imaged recovery that’s a threat when you try to cause me mental ill or call me schizophrenic, that’s not how world peace happens, that’s not how a Country is represented, and this is not how you treat women period and who I am is none of anyones business, Im not famous yet, Im not in denial, I did not incite violence, I don’t need to talk to anyone I don’t even need an attorney I need to stop trying to help address news or losses on a level that anyone thinks its okay to get rid of me like that’s not sad to me or my family or my Facebook, why would I kill myself after 12 years of working hard, what have I don’t wrong, I don’t need to watch Yellowstone to be told or learn of a new subject “how a suicide was caused” think poorly. Not every moment of my life is going to be worth it, whatever you think a book means, is what I deserve to have in life, be recognized as an author, whatever system of God, didn’t work, focus on currency $100 bill, again it’s not about if Im being hurt or or not that’s ruining my life, if its about making fun of me and not knowing who Im connected to I can go back to court and put a new lawsuit on the Judges desk, to report his threat to my life and well being, a person who is not entitled to threaten a trial try to scare me person, and doesn’t care about my heart condition or being told court is distressing. So on many levels life is that serious, it’s almost like its not even worth discussion, because people are going to believe whatever they want and don’t care if you get hurt convinced your something bad, it is a problem how am I supposed to stay alive disabled not allowed to write blog, write emails, work in job, date, or marry, or afford staying alive, how does that make a God, living with purpose is about not trying to control anyone, to figure out whos God or whats connected to me, or loud my voice is, or how strong do I need to be to lift everyone up, don’t accuse me of burning anyone out.

That’s not the solution, I don’t want to be alive or write online, if Im being fought, then be given a hard a time about fires and shootings, and Trump’s well being confused about how does me working hard and improving and functioning related to how everyone else is feeling, there is no such thing as being no one or not knowing is a person is loved, there is no way to be God or create a God, or predict God. Or need to control God, to know how life works or determine what is happening in life, or what populating a writer does to assist with world peace and relevant to everyone else, and every other serious matter, should not be affected because of some symptom that’s not my fault that no medication can cure, I have lived 4 years free of harassment voices, and able to get jobs, and suffered losses, at no point in any stage of my improvement did I get sick, or ever have an experience of sickness or cursing or dysfunction in public prove anything I am doing my best I am not hurting myself, clearly is does not do a justice to any man woman case or concern, to not comprehend whats better when Im well, or establish any rule illegally does not give anyone permission to damage injure me, hack use tech to communicate to the public this is not reassuring to use some word or witnessed dysfunction is totally unrelated to life not what I want, not what court needs to hear, not what work is for, I know who I am, Im sick and tired of the subject, and Im sick and tired of living 12 amazing years in life, no one knows more about mental health recovery than I do, and Im sorry Im not willing to disable myself be off meds live life sedentary not able to do anything, is not a justice or how you treat a writer or a good person, whatever I cant change, a book will solve establishing an audience and address my purpose in life, and what work I have completed 2019 not yet published mean that Im able now and book might be a good time, because I feel like I represent what I have written I feel like no matter what happens to me, keep living life, its none of my business I cant control anyones issue with me, voices are not my fault, Im not preferential or unkind to anyone, its best to maintain a health distance from anyone, maybe Im not for anyone, maybe happiness, earning a wage, staying well, living free of harassment wont happen to me, but Im not willing to continue to be attacked or forced to speak, like I need to help anyone calling me sick ass pervert, when Im able is when is good time to do anything in life, nothing comes easy not even the discussion of a term, however harmful to my health, is not a patriotic use of my brain and my body have anything to do with my intelligence or how God works or what causes death, the best way to live life is to be who I am well, I don’t deserve punishment its not fair. I can attend meetings, I can date, I can text, I can call Owen and have sex this week, I can drink alcohol, I can not writing, Im allowed to think, I have not destroyed the concept of God, or world peace, Im not in a position to discuss a traumatic experience in life with a newfound purpose in life to write again, mean I am ever achieving a level of clarity I don’t deserve or put me down black me out, or be concerned about alcohol and shouting, all I know is everyone is doing well, improving Trump spoke today, and lets leave it at that. No it’s not fun to lose to voices, that no meds can cure, I have no idea whats the proving that’s not a justice, losing my job because I went nuts couldn’t handle voices, is not a joke I did nothing wrong working and being able, or suffering symptoms that gave me so many problems writing some email outburst of issues anything normal, I have never sent an email that doesn’t make sense or under the influence of alcohol. Just know I don’t care what the game is or whos watching or what you think about me, what my face looks like, what happens to my body, I don’t care about discussing a subject if everytime its brought up is for the purpose of winning something and no I do not choose to live life being hurt to make someone else feel good, that’s not justice.